


How Fools Fall In Love

by nachan00



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Humor, M/M, Romance, Slow Build, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2018-01-07 23:00:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 75,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1125410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nachan00/pseuds/nachan00
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unemployed, unimpressed and idle Sakata Gintoki got by just fine until a depressing piece of his past decided to make an appearance. AU Modern Setting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not All Ghosts Come Out of the TV

It was close to four in the afternoon when a ring at the door interrupted Gintoki's Oi Mai Mi marathon. He was sprawled in front of the TV looking absolutely dejected. Issues of Jump were scattered on the floor and the tabletop was littered with snacks. Kagura's nonstop eating added to the cause by converting food into trash in mere seconds. All in all, it was a regular Sunday afternoon at the apartment except for Shinpachi's absence. The teenage boy who usually dropped by every day of the week had skipped the weekend to help out his sister at the dojo, after the guys from the kendo club had left the place in a miserable state the previous day. Gintoki suspected Kondo would see the last of his testicles pretty soon.

"Gin-chaaaaan, the dooooor." Kagura drawled out annoyed.

"Kagura, the dooooor."

"I told you first!"

"I told you second!"

"I just came back from the toilet."

Gintoki rolled his eyes, sighed and grunted before relenting. He got up lazily and stretched, feeling a mile between himself and the front door.

"I hope Shinpachi doesn't bring his sister's food." he muttered in despair.

"Then you shut the door and don't let him in, you hear?"

"Yeah, yeah."

Gintoki was keen on Kagura's advice when he opened the door and his favorite neighbor stood there looking as graceful as ever. He spied a little head behind her with large glaring eyes, which meant neither him nor Gintoki were going to enjoy whatever was to ensue and Gintoki had a pretty good idea what it was going to be about.

"Gin-san good evening." Mistuba said with a friendly smile. Gintoki found it hard to express emotions with her brother's gaze boring holes in his forehead.

"Hello." he managed to utter.

"I came to ask you a favor."

Okita Mistuba was Gintoki's favorite neighbor for a lot of reasons. She was pretty, polite, discreet and often brought him leftovers for dinner. She also had an astounding resemblance to the weather girl whom Gintoki was quite partial to. Nevertheless, there was something which sullied Mitsuba's many qualities. His name was Okita Sougo, her darling little brother. He was around Shinpachi's age and had a tendency to pick on Kagura wherever and whenever until both of them drove Gintoki nuts. Sougo had calmed down a bit with age but he could still be provoking to an alarming degree, perhaps even a bit sadistic. Gintoki couldn't understand how someone so sick and twisted could be related to Okita Mitsuba. It made him wonder whether behind her gentle exterior was a cold ruthless sociopath. He shifted.

"I was wondering if you could look after Sou-chan while I go to the station pick up a friend." she asked warmly, grabbing Sougo by the elbow and pushing him forward.

"What's up Danna."

Gintoki eyed him suspiciously.

"Why don't you take him with you?"

"He doesn't want to go." she replied with an apologetic face.

"I want to enjoy what little time I have left before you bring that ass-"

Mitsuba took out a tiny pepper bottle from her sleeve and thrust it into her brother's mouth. Gintoki barely saw her arm move and Sougo instantly choked on it with watering eyes.

"Sou-chan what have I told you about language in front of the neighbors? What would Kondo-san think?" she said by way of scolding, not losing her smile. Her genuine concern was as fearsome as her spoiling the kid.

"He isn't very excited about coming. Please just watch him for me? I will be back in a jiffy."

"No. He's old enough to be on his own."

Gintoki's reply met silence. Mitsuba kept looking at him with an adoring pleading face which stated she wasn't leaving until he said yes. Gintoki wanted to dive into the nearest cliff when he heard himself complying.

"Sure, he can stay."

"Oh thank you so much! I am in your debt," she exclaimed happily "Sou-chan, bow your head," but Sougo just shrugged his shoulders, walked past Gintoki and kicked off his shoes "I'm so sorry, I know I shouldn't spoil him but he is a good kid."

"We'll survive."

Mitsuba giggled at Gintoki's remark and took off. He lingered a few seconds by the front door and prayed God to bestow upon him the same kind of repellent Mitsuba's acquaintance had; with Kagura and Sougo under one roof he was going to need it.

Fortunately, it was a day for miracles. The living room managed to remain intact by the time Mitsuba returned. However, the casualties were not what one could call minor. Minutes before her arrival Kagura and Sougo had broken into a fight and knocked down the TV, ruining Gintoki's magical girl marathon and probably damaging the screen beyond repair.

"OI OI OI OI! Is that the TV? Did you just kill my TV?!" Gintoki exclaimed, pointing to the abandoned thing on the floor "Kagura-chan, Sougo-kun," rather than bursting into a fit of senseless rage, Gintoki felt a void of depression swallow him whole "Mai-chan... my Mai-chan... what happened? Is she going to end up with the masked hero? What if he tricks her and steals her powers! No, Mai-chan..." thoughts about the unclear future of Mai-chan were soon replaced by thoughts of his TV's uncertain demise. He put it back in place and tried to turn it on to no avail. Pressing the remote buttons while chanting a mantra didn't seem to work either.

"Kagura-chan guess who is going to Gengai's tomorrow? I'll give you a tip! She has two dumb buns on her head." Gintoki muttered mostly to himself given the neglect the two loud quarreling idiots were giving him. It was no wonder Mitsuba's ring at the door came as a blessing. Gintoki ran towards it at once, grabbing Sougo's collar on the way and throwing him out into her arms.

"Here he is! Safe and sound!"

"Ooof!... thank you Gin-san." Mitsuba almost lost her balance grappling with the sudden weight, yet she was able to hold on to her brother without losing her step. Gintoki noticed how her grip on him remained quite fierce even after both of them had regained their footing. The mixture of anger and reluctance on Sougo's face was something surreal to behold. Gintoki knew the kid loathed anything that ever got in the way of him being with his sister, therefore his sudden lack of willingness to be with her was nothing short of disturbing. A chill ran up Gintoki's spine.

"That must be some hell of a guest." he observed.

Mitsuba had to take Sougo's hand and drag him behind her before he finally yielded.

"They're both just shy of each other." she laughed.

Gintoki couldn't be sure, but something told him he was going to see both siblings again very soon.

* * *

"Yooo! Ka-gu-ra-chaaaan wake uup!" Gintoki opened the closet door with a terrible sing-song voice and mischief written all over his face. Kagura rubbed her eyes still half-asleep and when she looked at him the first thing she did was dispatch a fist to his chest. Gintoki fell back with a gasp, his breath all but leaving him.

"Oi are you trying to kill me?! That hurt like hell!"

"Oh it's Gin-chan... I thought it was Orochimaru."

"Wrong! That's downstairs!"

At that moment a thumping sound came from beneath their feet. It didn't bother Gintoki and Kagura very much. Otose beating the ceiling with her broom to shut them up was something of a daily occurrence.

"You woke her up." Kagura deadpanned.

"She wakes up with the sun, stupid!" Gintoki whispered in a fury "Anyway, go wash up and eat your rice. There's a TV waiting to be repaired and you're the one taking responsibility."

"Eeeeehhhh!?" the rebuff was immediate but Gintoki was deaf to her pleas.

"Yes and you're taking out the giant dog as well."

"Sadaharu too?"

Sadaharu barked at the mention of his name and came scampering towards Kagura who received him with open arms.

"You can ask for Shinpachi's help if you want, as long as that TV gets to Gengai today. I want it back in time for my drama tonight," Gintoki told her "Next time don't break things if you want to sleep until late."

"It's Gin-chan's fault for letting that creep stay in..." Kagura mumbled into Sadaharu's fur. She hugged the massive dog tightly and murmured a few more complaints and curses until Shinpachi arrived.

"Good morning everyone, how was your-" Shinpachi's greeting was interrupted by Kagura's desperate whining. She clung to his arm and tried to fake a few tears.

"Shinpachiiii! Shinpachi you have to help me! Gin-chan made a deal with the demon and now I have to take the TV to Gengai all by myself," she cried "and I have to walk Sadaharu too! Pleeaaase."

Shinpachi glanced confused towards Gintoki but the latter ignored him, resolute in taking no pity on the culprit. He took out an uncommonly big booger out of his nose and hurled it at the poor broken television set.

"You PIG!" Kagura shouted, detaching herself from Shinpachi to go kick Gintoki in the groin. Luckily the latter managed to dodge her foot in time and sent her flying to the sofa instead.

"You two stop bickering so I can make some breakfast! We're gonna be late!" Shinpachi exclaimed, slapping the two idiots on the head.

It was inevitable. Shinpachi and Kagura were too late for school by the time they took off. They ran out the door in a hurry and considering the loud noises in the hallway, so did Sougo. Gintoki heard them fighting all the way down to the street, as well as Otose and Catherine's shrieks over the rumpus. Gintoki quickly shut the front door and locked himself in the bathroom, knowing it was only a matter of time before the two women decided it was time for a trip upstairs. The savage knocks on his door proved it.

"OI Sa-ka-taa open the door!"

"I know you're in there Gintoki, don't make me waste my time, I have a store to run." Otose chided angrily.

"I'm taking a dump, sorry!"

"I'll take a dump on you next time I see you, loser!"

"Calm down Catherine, I'll take care of this," Otose declared "Gintoki, you listen to me, I've told those kids a hundred times not to run down the stairs. This apartment building is already as old as it is and with shitty tenants like you two," she glanced at Catherine as well "who don't even understand the concept of regular payment, I can't afford to spend money on maintenance which careful and  _normal_ behavior should be enough to avoid!" she paused and took a deep breath "Besides, you can't trust carpenters these days, they're all leeches! And don't get me started on those bastards your friend Sakamoto sent me the last time. If I see him around again I promise you I'll shove the bill up his rear and..."

Otose's rant trailed a while before she returned to her original point and yelled a few more obscenities at Gintoki's overall useless existence. Catherine spit onto his front door like the animal she was and later on, when Gintoki was certain the coast was clear, he finally left the bathroom. He would have enjoyed his much needed sigh of relief if there had been no TV to repair and no Sadaharu looking like he was holding in his biggest turd yet.

"Shit."

Walking Sadaharu was actually pretty easy. Gintoki took a shovel to bury the deed and sooner than later was back home staring at the stupid TV. He was starting to nurture a deep hatred towards the thing and he knew it was wrong. It was one of his most treasured possessions, the only means by which he could watch Ketsuno Ana and be temporarily happy at heart. Fate was right in punishing him. He understood it now. Entrusting the TV to Kagura had been a mistake. Only more disaster would have befallen the TV if she had taken it to Gengai. Gintoki was sure of it. Hence in a fit of valor and fortitude, he took the damn thing in his arms, walked out of the apartment and made straight for the old man's shop. He was going to watch his drama tonight. He was going to man up and work it out.

Or maybe not.

The second he stepped out of the apartment a ghost appeared in front of him sending all his bravery to shit. Strength seeped from his muscles and the TV fell to the floor with a shattering sound. Gintoki's heart had stopped so brusquely he didn't know if he was breathing, least of all hearing. The vision in question was dark, tall and hypnotizing, leaning over the railing with a cigarette in his mouth. Gintoki froze. This couldn't be happening. Nope. Not again. He slapped himself mentally and picked up the TV with trembling hands, leaving the apartment building without bothering to look back at the figure again. He was so shocked that the immensity of what had just happened only hit him three blocks down by the bookstore.

"What in the actual fuck." he turned around and squinted his eyes to see if there was someone in the second floor hallway. It was deserted without even a trail of smoke.

"Hello there Gin-san, back already for more comics? I tell you young man, you should start living the life of a respectable adult, people have been talking ever since you got that little girl-"

"Old man," Gintoki interrupted the owner of the bookstore with a grim expression on his face "How do I look? Do I look like I am going insane?"

"Well, now that you mention it, you do look a bit pale, maybe it's the hair?"

Gintoki scoffed.

"Oi seriously, tell me the truth, you think I need to start going to those therapy sessions?" Gintoki wondered. His heart roared inside his chest and some kind of yearning pulled at its strings. Perhaps the time had come to put those psychiatrists' business cards to use.

"What's the matter, you seen a ghost or what?"

"Something like that." Gintoki replied apprehensively. He was still staring at the building hoping some explanation would rain down on him "Have you ever seen a ghost, old man?"

"Sure thing," he retorted with a chuckle "My old lady keeps nagging me from the grave"

Gintoki's face contorted into a disgruntled frown and he sent the old man an affronted look, as if he had heard the most offensive joke in the history of the universe.

"Save me the new Jojojo volume, I will be back for it later." Gintoki told him, adjusting his grip on the TV.

"Sure thing. Do you want my old lawn cart for that thing? I have it backstairs."

With the TV on the wheelbarrow the journey to Gengai's was over in the blink of an eye. Gintoki had never felt so thankful, since all he wanted to do was return home and scrutinize every bit of that hallway to make sure he still had his sanity. He couldn't remember how many years it had been since he had last seen that face. He couldn't even bear to think about what seeing that face used to unleash in him. It was just painful and ridiculous and Gintoki had closed, buried and burned that chapter of his life long long ago. He was so done with the whole ordeal he couldn't understand why he was deluding about it. Moreover, he had no recollection of drinking last night. He was sober clean.

"Your scooter ain't ready yet, what is it this time?"

Gengai's industrial goggles snapped Gintoki out of his trance and he presented his problem in precise short words.

"TV broken. Need it for tonight."

Gengai didn't bother to protest. He just laughed aloud, almost smacking himself in the head with his wrench.

"Come on Gintoki, look at that crap. If you want to watch TV tonight you're gonna have to buy a new one. I don't even know how you still have this rubbish running."

Gintoki pretended he wasn't listening and shrugged.

"Can you fix it or not?"

"I'll see what I can do but I don't promise nothin'."

"That's fine by me. Just don't tamper with it and send me back a mutant version. I heard some funny stories going around," Gintoki pointed out sorely, backtracking to the myriads of people he had heard complaining about Gengai's repairs "your luck is that you're cheap." he added halfheartedly.

"And yours is that you're an idiot." a low voice spoke behind him. Standing in front of Gengai's garage was a slender looking blond woman with a pipe between her fingers. A perfect example that a relationship can and will flourish out of accidental groping. Gintoki tried hard not to roll his eyes. For some reason she was the last person on his mind at the moment.

"They don't fix Bitch pipes over here, you have to send it back to the seller." Gintoki noted casually.

The random remark pricked one of the many nerves Tsukuyo had been enduring for the past couple of weeks. She hadn't really been expecting an apology right away. She knew Gintoki well enough to foresee that, nevertheless his total indifference pissed her off. He had clearly forgotten all about her and wasn't even trying to fake the tiniest speck of remorse. Tsukuyo took a long drag on her pipe before a torrent of rage spewed out.

"You here to fix your watch? Or maybe your phone?" she suggested bitterly, masking her scowl with with a turn of her lips.

"Nope, just the TV. Kagura and the devil spawn broke it yesterday."

"Oh really?"

Gintoki's plain reply had struck her last nerve. As such, his total neglect was unable to save his head from being bashed violently against the hood of the nearest car.

"Don't you dare stand me up again, you piece of shit!" she clicked her tongue in disgust and walked away fuming. Gintoki barely had time to collect his thoughts.

Gengai approached him cautiously and appraised the new dent on his car.

"At least she won't bill you Gintoki."

The walk home was more painful than predicted. Tsukuyo's blow had shaken the list of priorities on Gintoki's brain and produced a substantial amount of cursing Gintoki didn't know he was capable of. The fact it had taken him a dose of brutality to remember he had forgotten about their date was too depressing to live with and now he had to carry that shame as well as the aching bump on his forehead for the rest of the week. His whole figure screamed pathetic scum.

"Pathetic scum, where were you?!" Tae didn't waste any time with greetings. She was waiting for him in front of his apartment building, arms crossed and right foot patting the ground impatiently. She was obviously holding herself back from wrestling his neck "Didn't I tell you yesterday you had to pick up Kagura-chan today? Shin-chan has exams coming up and he can't continue languishing his entire evenings here with you, doing  _your_  chores. He has to study! And you're letting a middle school girl walk home all by herself?!"

"She can take out your dojo idiots. The burglars too."

"Shut up and go get her! I have to go back to the club," She hissed, taking out her cellphone and dialing her friend "Yes yes, I'm leaving right now..." she glanced back to urge Gintoki on and he did as he was told.

* * *

After wondering countless times if he was ever going to reach home that day, Gintoki stepped over his beloved threshold and took off his shoes. Kagura followed after him, throwing her backpack into the air triumphantly and committing her butt to the sofa in a manner most identical to that of her guardian. The sight was close to endearing. Nonetheless, Gintoki's vexation wasn't done for the day. The minute after he had sat down and indulged in the comfort of his cushion, Kagura began her tirade on the obvious.

"There's no TV!"

"Is that so? I wonder what happened to it." Gintoki replied with sarcasm.

"You took it to the old man?"

"Yeah."

"When is it coming back?"

"I don't know, when it grows two legs probably."

"Gin-chaaan! What are we supposed to do then?" Kagura whined.

"You can start by doing your homework, Gin-san is going to take a nap."

"I'll take a nap too!"

Gintoki was too tired to argue. He nodded his head and made a mental note to later lock Kagura outside until she was willing to do her homework. If that option failed he would threaten to ship her over to Mitsuba's. That always worked like a charm.

Mitsuba's.

His half-shut eyes bulged out the second he remembered the spooky vision by her door that morning. He had all but forgotten it. His heart started racing again and he felt his palms sweating. Kagura was already snoring by his side and he looked at her with pure jealousy cursing through his veins. How he wished to be sound asleep. He couldn't ask for anything better. In his sleep there were no screw ups with Tsukuyo, no Tae lashing out at him, no Otose after his money and no creepy run-of-the-mill ghosts. No, no, there certainly weren't. Nope. Not one. Noooope. Gintoki shut his eyes to stop any memories from swarming up. He didn't need this kind of bullshit right now.

Another ring at the door almost made him puke out his heart. He started so violently he almost struck Kagura's nose. She flinched at his movement but the tumult wasn't enough to wake her. She slept like a rock. Gintoki was forced to go get the door. He dragged his feet hesitantly down the room and repressed a bout of despair. At least the lack of hysterics on the other side consoled him to some extent. He assumed it would be Mitsuba with leftovers and he was right.

"Good evening Gin-san, I brought you some curry leftovers as thanks for yesterday. I hope you'll like it." she said with the biggest smile.

Gintoki thanked her and was about to close the door when a third person showed up from inside Mitsuba's apartment.

"Oi Mitsuba did you see my lighter?"

Gintoki had to fight the spasm spreading throughout his organs. Mitsuba's cute bag of leftovers would have fallen to the ground if the seizure taking over him hadn't tightened his grip to a bone-crushing degree.

"Ah, Toshiro-san come over here, let me introduce you."

Mitsuba's guest was as unresponsive as her neighbor and that lead to some kind of paralympic staring competition between the two men. Gintoki for his part couldn't feel his body move at all. Mitsuba turned from one disgruntled face to another, slowly but steadily piecing their reactions together.

"Oh you know each other?" she wondered innocently, eyes shining with delight.

"No."

"Yes."

"I said no!" Gintoki repeated a bit panicked.

"I'm not lying!" the other man said just as passionately.

"Oh that's fresh coming from you!" Gintoki sneered.

"Look who's talking!"

"Are you brothers?" Mitsuba speculated, puzzled by their incredible similarity.

"What!? No way!"

"That's disgusting!"

"I think I'm gonna throw up."

"Not here you ain't!"

"Shut up, did someone ask for you opinion?!"

"No, but I think someone is asking for a punch to the face?!"

"I wonder who?!"

"Who indeed!"

The distance between the two men dwindled to mere inches. Like machines put back in motion, their response to each other was automatic. Gintoki gripped Hijikata's shirt collar with his free hand and the latter mimicked him, exposing Gintoki's collarbone to the cold night air.

"Toshiro-san please." Mitsuba reached for Hijikata's arm and he pulled back immediately, straightening up his shirt.

"I think I left it in the counter." Hijikata muttered, retreating back into her apartment to get his lighter.

"I'm so sorry Gin-san. It seems all I do lately is apologize to you," Mitsuba lamented "He is a friend from my hometown, but it appears you know him as well?" there was a sorrowful tone in her voice brought on by the hostility she had just witnessed. Part of Gintoki felt obliged to provide her with a plausible explanation, but knowing he would have to give her an account of all that had happened between them, he quickly put an end to the story.

Gintoki tousled his hair to shake off the fluster and answered with the barest of truths.

"We were roommates."


	2. Where There's Smoke There's Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE ON THE TEXT: (*) means end of flashback.

Mitsuba returned to her apartment to find a thoughtful Hijikata sat listless in her sofa. His usual bright blue eyes were cloudy and fixated on a spot above the TV in deep meditation. He had a cigarette in his mouth but it was unlit. She called him a few times but only met a kind of unresponsiveness not wont in him. Hijikata was always excessively attentive and eager to please her whenever he could. It was wondrous to see him upset for a change but at the same time preoccupying. Mitsuba could not hide a smile of amusement, yet she began to feel responsible for the abrupt quarrel between the two men. When she finally got through to Hijikata, his shoulders jerked and he turned to her as if he had taken a blow.

"Toshiro-san, I've already called you four times, is everything alright?" she asked worried "I've been apologizing to Gin-san in your stead. He has been so kind to me, I felt it was my duty to introduce you, but I had no idea you two knew each other. You never told me." her feelings of distress were too weak to last against Hijikata and they quickly gave way to a curiosity Gintoki had barely quenched.

"I'm sorry about that." Hijikata replied somberly. He got up and walked towards her.

"Gin-san told me you two were roommates once. Did you not part friends?" Mitsuba asked him. Hijikata walked past her in the direction of the front door with a look of annoyance on his face.

"We were never really friends," he muttered as he put on his shoes "We just kind of tolerated each other"

Mitsuba perceived how carefully he had chosen those words and sighed.

"That's unfortunate," she said "He's such a nice man, helps me out with Sou-chan when I'm stuck at work and he never complains about my spicy food, but Toshiro-san are you leaving so soon? I was going to brew some tea."

"Yes, I wouldn't be much company after this anyway." he lamented.

"Well, then give Kondo-san my regards and call me as soon as you have any news."

Hijikata answered her with a nod and a short smile.

"Goodbye." Mitsuba leaned against the front door and watched him walk down the hallway until he disappeared behind a corner.

"He's already gone, you look silly standing there aneue." came Sougo's taunting voice.

"I was just making sure he knew the way," she replied quickly, closing the door and sneaking into the kitchen to hide a soft blush "Have you done your homework Sou-chan?"

Hijikata's forgotten lighter on the counter made her miss Sougo's reply.

* * *

10 YEARS AGO

Hijikata looked at the shabby building with a sense of foreboding. Nothing seemed to recommend it from the outside. The fact it hadn't collapsed after who knows how many years was perhaps the only comforting thought about it. Beside him Kondo's radiant grin was impervious to his total disappointment. Hijikata tried to remember again why he had agreed to the arrangement, but his brain shut down that whole operation before he died of regret right then and there.

"So this is it Toshi! How do you feel?" Kondo asked him excited.

"Terribly-fortunate." Hijikata replied between gritted teeth.

"Yeah right?!" Kondo gave a loud laugh and dragged him over to the side of the building.

"Where are you taking me?"

"The front door is busted, we use the back one now."

Hijikata opened his mouth to protest but nothing came out except disbelief. He followed Kondo and they snaked their way around the dorm through a cobbled path barely visible amidst a swarm of weeds. They grew up the walls and threaded their way up the two-story building, twisting around old rusty pipes and ledges. It seemed that no matter where he looked, Hijikata was bound to find signs of negligence and decay. Being the epitome of discipline and order himself, there was no way he was ever going to adjust to the place. Nevertheless, it was only after seeing the interior that Hijikata started valuing the degradation outside. The squeaking wooden floor, the moldy walls concealed by stacks of books, comics and non-descriptive trash littering the floor sent shivers down his spine. Clearly no humans lived there, only animals.

"So downstairs we have the kitchen, bathroom..." Kondo showed him around as they walked down the cluttered hallway. Hijikata refrained from giving the rooms more than a superficial glance before he decided to turn back and send it all to hell.

"Here is the living room, oh! Yamazaki!" a familiar face appeared by the kotatsu as soon as Kondo opened the door "Look who I just brought back from the sticks!"

Yamazaki leaned to peek behind Kondo and gasped with surprise.

"Hijikata-san! Long time no see!" he got up to greet him and it took all of Hijikata's tenderest sensibilities not to punch the bastard. The need to blame the dormitory's total disorder on someone was crawling under his skin.

"Yamazaki has the room next door." Kondo said with a pat on the younger man's back.

"Yes! It's a 3 tatami room and it has a window to the backyard!" Yamazaki said proudly. Hijikata failed to comprehend the joy behind that statement. The description sounded dismal, especially for someone who had just been acquainted with what Yamazaki called 'the backyard'. Hijikata began to wonder if Kondo's entire dorm business was more a misfortune than a blessing.

"You're getting Danna's room, right?"

Hijikata looked at Yamazaki confused, noting a clear a lack of information on his part. He turned to Kondo anxiously, his eyes demanding an answer.

"Yeah, yeah we're getting there Yamazaki. Don't spoil the fun," Kondo replied with a fake laugh "See ya later!"

"Yes, sir!"

They rushed out of the room and Hijikata missed Yamazaki blinking an eye back at Kondo.

"Yamazaki goes to the dojo too?"

"Yeah, he helps me out with the kids and covers for me when I go on dates with Otae-san. Hahahahahaaha!"

Hijikata had known Kondo for far too long not to notice the subtle delusional tone in his voice. He shook his head with skepticism and walked on, deciding it was too soon to shatter the man's dreams. Even in their youth back in Kyoto Kondo's romantic fantasies rarely became more than that, fantasies.

There were two more rooms downstairs: Kondo's own stalker nest and a tightly shut room which read  _Zura_  on the door. Its frame was covered with tape and someone had crossed out the name  _Katsura_  on the top making it look all the more suspicious.

"Okay, now on to your room!" Kondo announced happily. Hijikata might have shared part of the man's enthusiasm if the sentiment didn't stem mostly out of frustration and weariness. His arms were half-numb from carrying his luggage and his legs ached from long hours sitting on the train.

The top floor had a much smaller hallway than the lower one, with only two rooms on the left and another on the right. According to Kondo, the first on the left belonged to some guy called Sakamoto, who nobody ever saw, and the second to a creeper named Hattori Zenzou whose hemorrhoid problems seemed to fascinate Kondo to no end. Hijikata was forced to call him out on his babbling so they might carry on.

"Kondo-san. My room now please." Hijikata said dryly, glancing towards the door on their right. Kondo started out of his musings and proceeded with an apologetic look.

"Oh, yeah, right, right, Yorozuya's room...Biggest room in the house, six tatamis!" he announced merrily, opening the door and striking a pose.

Hijikata stepped inside at once, his impatience getting the best of him, along with his surprise. It took him only a second before he wished he had stayed back home in the middle of nowhere. To this utter dismay, a body was laying not two feet away from him, ungracefully spread out on a futon. An open issue of Jump rested over the guy's face and a carton of strawberry milk was toppled over his futon, its contents staining the covers.

"Oi, oi, Mr. Real Estate Agent, who the fuck is this and why does he come with the room!?" Hijikata inquired in a panic.

"Yorozuya, your roommate."

"What?"

"I told you I could fit you in," Kondo beamed, satisfied with a job well done "His previous roommate took off a few weeks ago, he ain't coming back don't worry."

"That's not what I'm worried about!"

"It's okay, Yorozuya's an idiot but he's a nice guy. Oi Gintoki, you awake?"

The man slumped on the floor grunted something unintelligible and waved his hand to shoo them away.

"You'll be fine Toshi. Besides, you're both piss poor. This way both of you will be fine with the rent and make friends, right?" Kondo winked an eye at Hijikata and gave him a thumbs up "I have to go to the dojo now for the rookies' practice. I'll be back later and we'll have drinks. You just rest from the trip now, Toshi."

"No Kondo-san wait-!" Hijikata ran after him but Kondo shut the door so quickly he almost collided face first with it.

" _Otae-san and me, sitting on a tree, in the Shimura dojo glee~_ " the airhead sung as he walked down the stairs.

"Fuck! I'm gonna kill him!" Hijikata kicked the door in an attempt to sooth his rage but it was useless. He was just too fucking angry. He threw his suitcase and bag to the opposite wall, demolishing a pile of old magazines that stood in the way.

"Oi Toshi, could you tone it down? Gin-san is trying to sleep here." the man on the floor uttered out sluggishly.

"Fuck this."

Hijikata called it quits. He took a couple of cigarette packs out of his bag and stormed off to smoke them to exhaustion, maybe even a coma. One after another, he burned them all crouched in a secluded corner of the backyard. Surrounded by tall weeds, he almost felt like he had never left home; the vision of the grass fields around his brother's house still fresh in his memory. However, the notion was too wretched to even conceive and Hijikata laughed at it, almost choking himself to death.

He was on his second pack when the thought occurred to him that it was probably in his health's best interest to stop smoking and go look for other means to vent his anger. Unpacking was the first idea that came to mind but he soon regretted it. When he returned to his room the strange man was no longer feigning sleep on the floor. Instead he was rummaging through Hijikata's bags with an air of mild discontentment. Hijikata stood paralyzed in the doorway for half a minute, his brain slowly catching up with the perplexing sight.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" he blared, snatching a pair of boxers from the stranger's hands.

"Are you gonna use those? I have a huge stain on my futon, I was looking for something to scrub it off." the other man answered shamelessly, as if boxers were a universally acknowledged cleaning product.

"And you came searching my stuff? Are you stupid?! What gave you the right?!"

"This is my room, oi! I thought this was my old bag."

"Not your old bag! Not your room anymore!"

The other man furrowed a brow at his reply. A scowl took over his features and he gave Hijikata a once-over.

"Wait a minute" he said "Who the hell are you again?"

"That's what I want to ask you! This was supposed to be my room!"

"No, no no no. This room right here," the man tapped the tatami mat with his hand "this shitty room is definitely Gin-san's"

"Who the fuck is that?"

"Me."

Hijikata sighed profoundly. He was starting to get an headache from all the stupidity and he was not sure trying to verbalize his situation would get him anywhere with the idiot.

"Listen, Kondo-san got me this room and I-"

"The gorilla did?"

"Yeah, he-! What the fuck did you just call him?!"

"Nothing, go on."

Hijikata's grip on the boxers tightened.

"I was saying, Kondo-san told me this was my room and you my roommate," Hijikata said in plain words, making an effort to come to terms with his own statement "Therefore this is no longer  _your_  room, it's  _our_ room. You were here before, didn't you hear anything we said? I'm sure I heard you speak." he added with a sideways glance.

"Oh! Yeah, you're  _that_  Toshi! Yeah, I heard that. Nice to meet you, I'm Gintoki. Now, to the heart of the matter Toshi-kun, are you gonna lend me those boxers or not?"

Hijikata thrust the boxers and a nearby pair of socks in Gintoki's face before his brain had time to think of an answer.

"Call me that again and I'll kill you."

Gintoki spit half a sock from his mouth and nodded halfheartedly.

"Whatever Toshi-kun, no need to be such a dick."

"It's Hijikata to you." he grumbled, unconsciously taking out another cigarette. It was already on his lips and ready to lit when a hand reached out towards it and plucked it out. Hijikata was so stunned he forgot to close his mouth.

"No smoking inside." Gintoki told him.

Hijikata's fluster seemed to double when he was forced to lock eyes with the stranger and gaze at his unusual crimson irises. For someone who looked the son of idleness, those disconcerting eyes were too much of a trap. Hijikata found himself holding his breath.

"You okay with that or what?" Gintoki's question came with more proximity and Hijikata was too disgruntled to rise to the challenge. The unexpected red gaze had taken him by surprise. He leaned back with what level of disgust he could muster and nodded his head, fumbling with the lighter while trying to shove it back into his pocket.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Gintoki seemed to ignore his unease and slithered to the closet behind him, sliding the door open with his foot.

"You can have the right side. I fished out the crap Takatin left behind so it's all empty now," Gintoki said while scratching his underarm "You may not peek over my side, nor ogle my secret porn stash with lusty eyes, and you must ask nicely if you need extra closet space. I'll rent it"

Hijikata looked inside the closet and it was impossible to miss the clutter on Gintoki's side. There was an old miserable set of rulers dividing the space and both were on the verge of splitting and sending Gintoki's mess all over to Hijikata's side.

"What extra space?! Your shit is ridiculous."

"Guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there." Gintoki mumbled oh-so-wisely.

"Your futon doesn't even fit in here."

"I've been using your side to store it, I admit it."

"It ain't coming back here!"

"It gets a lot of action so it won't miss the closet much."

"What?!"

Hijikata looked aghast. He tried to keep down his lunch but when he turned to Gintoki and the man winked at him the struggle became quite real. Gintoki found it hard to keep a straight face and burst out laughing at Hijikata's shock. A throbbing vein popped up on his forehead.

"You're a big smartass, aren't you?" Hijikata hissed.

"And you a tightass."

*****

* * *

Apart from the days when he had a few odd jobs to run, a trade which he had undertaken during his college years and had now become his sole source of income, it was very bizarre to see Gintoki leave his apartment so early in the morning. For many it was an ominous sign. Catherine put up garlic cloves and crosses on her window when she saw him climb down the stairs after a cheerful Kagura. Otose, who was sweeping the entrance, squinted her eyes at him and felt compelled to pry into his business.

"Glad to see you out on a job Gintoki, I was beginning to think you were going for your third month without pay." she remarked with a smirk.

"You missed a spot back there." he said pointing to a random corner in the hallway. Otose readjusted her grip on the broom and snarled. Gintoki poked Kagura on the back urging her to walk faster.

"Gin-chan stop pushing me! It's not my fault you're lying." she whined.

Gintoki put a hand across his face to hide his dismay and tried to resist the urge to facepalm Kagura into the ground. Luckily for her, Sadaharu was waiting for her by the kennel, leash in his mouth. She ran to him to say goodbye and tie him down.

"So you're not out on a job. What in devil's name are you up to then?" Otose wondered, reproach all over her features.

"I am just taking Kagura to school like the responsible guardian that I am, what's it to you?" Gintoki replied irritated, his earwax suddenly becoming very interesting.

"That is so disturbing I can't even laugh at it." Otose said gravely. Gintoki shrugged his shoulders.

"Kagura let's go, leave the dog, come on."

They bade goodbye to a shaken Otose and went on their way without further ado. They walked two blocks down the road before they met Shinpachi on his way to their apartment. He was also looking surprised to see Gintoki about and immediately asked him what he was doing there, a big smile plastered on his face.

"Got a job today Gin-san?"

"No, not really." Gintoki replied. Shinpachi's smile lost a bit of its sparkle.

"Is the TV fixed already? Are you going to Gengai's?"

"Nope."

Shinpachi's smile became barely visible and he turned pink at the next question.

"I-is it a date with T-Tsu-Tsu-"

"No, it is not." Gintoki said again in a deadpan voice.

The smile on Shinpachi's face disappeared completely and the pink of embarrassment turned into a red of fury.

"Then what the hell are you doing out so early Gin-san? Are you going to hit the pachinko parlors at this hour? Do you know how shameful that is? Do you even have any money? Only old men estranged from their families and duty go play pachinko at this hour of the morning, I don't even think there are any parlors open. And worst of all, you try to make it look like you are taking Kagura to school, what the hell are you thinking, you-"

"Oi, oi, oi, which Shimura is this? The male or the female?" Gintoki wondered aloud, interrupting Shinpachi's outburst of emotion.

"Gin-san, please just watch yourself, don't go waste what little money you have left." Shinpachi pleaded while regaining his calm.

"He's an idiot, what can you do?" Kagura added with a sigh. Shinpachi agreed.

The three of them carried on towards Kagura's middle school, much to her delight. She went hand in hand with both boys and was reluctant to let go when they stopped at the gate.

"Go on and don't do anything stupid like eating the other kids' lunch. Ask them first."

"Yes, Gin-chan! Bye bye!" She scampered away and soon joined a group of friends from her class. Shinpachi looked at Gintoki with disapproval.

"That was some terrible advice, oi."

"Was it, Pachi-boy? Isn't it a little late for you to be giving adults a sermon?" Gintoki gestured towards the school clock and watched as Shinpachi bleached. He repressed a shriek of horror and left in a dash, school bag pressed against his chest. Gintoki watched him go with some amusement.

"High schoolers these days..."

Gintoki took a deep breath before continuing his journey. He wasn't sure he would be successful but it was either staying at home biting his nails and trying to ignore what had happened, which was impossible, or go around and do some inquiries. It was still hard to believe it had been Hijikata in front of him last night. Although Gintoki's connection with him seemed to baffle Mitsuba, her relationship with him was equally crippling to Gintoki. He had barely slept that night with a barrage of memories suddenly deciding to assault him every two minutes. His bloodshot eyes could attest to that, but in spite of it, Gintoki knew he wouldn't get any sleep until he knew for sure what was going on.

He passed by the Shimura dojo where Kondo still taught kendo and leeched about for more than ten years. It was quiet and peaceful at that hour, and once Gintoki caught Tae cleaning the floor of the back porch he knew the gorilla was nowhere to be seen. Everyone knew Tae avoided Kondo like the plague and after a decade she had become quite the pro at it. She beheld Gintoki with a full-on glare as soon as he came into sight. She clicked her tongue with annoyance and crouched again, devoting herself to the wooden floor.

"Yo" Gintoki greeted nonchalantly "Is the gorilla around?"

"I threatened to call the police on him half an hour ago. He ain't here." she grumbled.

"Is he home?"

"Do I look like I care?" she said, twisting the wet cloth in her hands with relish. Gintoki winced internally.

"No, sorry. I'll be going," he replied, though he stopped in his tracks when a question came back up his throat "Perhaps you didn't see him with a friend from-"

Tae slapped the cloth on the floor with a sharp cracking sound, it echoed throughout the empty dojo and scared away half a dozen birds in the nearby trees. Gintoki took it as his cue.

"See ya."

He cursed under his breath and kicked a pebble by the road. There were no words for how much he didn't want to do what he was about to. He had a bad feeling about it and he hated himself for knowing it. A slight tremor shook his legs just thinking about it and he could not believe his knees were quivering. He was almost thirty for fuck's sake. He took out his phone and skimmed through the numbers. He hit Kondo's but it just rang without anyone picking up.

"Shit."

Gintoki's mix of suicidal curiosity and bravery lasted until he was face to face with Kondo's front door. He had a finger ready to pummel the shit out of his doorbell and a fist eager to bang on the door, however, he was petrified. He played the possible outcome of the encounter a dozen times in his mind and not once did any words come to his mouth. He realized he had been led by his emotions like a fool and he would only play the part to completion if he ever rang the bell and Hijikata opened the door. The excitement that had built in his gut overnight died like a flame put to water and the steps he took back in regret felt like freedom. When he lost sight of Kondo's building he could even admit to some kind of relief. As a reward for good behavior, Gintoki stopped by the nearest convenience store and bought himself a bag full of sugary treats and the cheapest carton of strawberry milk they had.

The automatic sliding doors opened for his exit and he bumped into a short plain mass of black hair. Gintoki's first instinct was to complain and ask for an apology but the lollipop in his mouth made that a troublesome ordeal, not to mention the person in question turned out to be Yamazaki and Gintoki instantly devised other plans for him.

"Oh Danna!" Yamazaki exclaimed. He glanced at the watch on his wrist and then back at Gintoki.

"It's early." he stated blandly.

"I was out of sweets." Gintoki replied jiggling his shopping bag. Yamazaki's mouth formed an 'oh' in understanding but the distance of almost six blocks didn't feel right with him. Gintoki helped him get to the point since he knew where the conversation would inevitably lead to.

"Seen the gorilla around?" he asked.

"No, not really. He has been busy lately, he..." Yamazaki's voice died away before coming back with a gasp. His eyes widened and he looked apprehensively at Gintoki, then with excitement "Ah! Danna! I almost forgot to tell you! Maybe you know it already!" he spoke with enthusiasm, overwhelmed with the idea he might be the first to break the news to Gintoki "Hijikata-san is back! He's staying with Kondo-san until the application for his new apartment goes through. I hear it's very nice, not like what we're used to here in the district."

Gintoki's apathetic reaction crushed half of Yamazaki's joy. He wasn't sure if Gintoki knew of the occurrence already or if he had just screwed things up. It was not like Hijikata's name was taboo. Gintoki had become quite indifferent to it over the years. At some parties he might even participate in Kondo's nostalgic reminiscences of their years at the dorm without feeling weird. However, with the bastard back things were entirely different. Hijikata had stopped being an unsolved and forgotten matter of the past. Gintoki had never expected to see him again.

"You knew already?" Yamazaki wondered with a gloomy voice.

"Yeah."

"Were you going to see him then? He must be-"

"No." Gintoki cut in.

"Oh, I see," Yamazaki mumbled. He felt an awkward atmosphere settling in and kept talking in fear of further silence "So you and Hijikata-san didn't keep in touch all these years, uh?"

"Not really."

"Well, now that he's back you should see him. He'll be happy to see you I'm sure."

"Are you?" Gintoki had meant to sound indifferent but bitterness escaped any way. He cringed mentally but Yamazaki's honest answer pierced his somber layers.

"Yes." the reply was plain and the candid look on his face left no doubt. Yamazaki wasn't trying to convince him, he said what he thought to be true. Gintoki let out a chuckle and crossed his arms behind his back.

"Good to see you Jimmy-kun. We'll catch up more later."

"See ya, Danna."

They parted ways and Gintoki went home with a smaller weight on his back, eager to indulge himself in his sweets.


	3. Moving On is Like Moving Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE ON THE TEXT: (*) means end of flashback.

It was half past midnight and they were on their second bar. Kondo was ecstatic, his happiness riding its ultimate peak. Yamazaki was there too, eager to be of service and keeping the drinks coming. Other familiar faces were there as well, mostly guys from the kendo club who knew Hijikata from back in the day and also some new members who, though not very interested in meeting him, were definitely keen on attending his party. Their presence didn't bother him as much as one would expect. Hijikata's return had been spoiled before the celebration had even begun.

Less than a month ago, Hijikata had been promoted to a high-ranking position in the Bureau after years of service in the force as Police Inspector. He had been given the choice to either keep working for Superintendent or go further in the administration and start climbing the executive ladder. Loyal to his ambition, Hijikata had chosen the latter. The transition had been smooth and effortless and he was ready to commit himself to the seas of bureaucratic work, when he was relocated to a suburb of Tokyo he knew only too well. He was put in charge of the district's administrative division and sent off with a pat on the back. The shock had been immense. Torn between rapture and distress, Hijikata had had no idea what to make of his future. He had tried to ignore all possible scenarios such a transfer entailed. Resigning was out of the question and it was beneath him to quit for petty personal reasons. He still remembered the sleepless nights of staring at the ceiling and letting the situation sink in, yet the numbness didn't last. He was aware of the transfer's good aspects and he acted promptly on them, calling Kondo and a few other acquaintances to help him with the move. In less than a week he had packed his bags and said goodbye to his old life.

The train ride to Tokyo had felt like a journey back in time. Hijikata's buried regrets seemed to fuel the engines. More than once did he stand up decided to go back.

Fortunately, his arrival had contrived to keep his insecurities at bay. At the last minute Kondo had been unable to welcome him at the station and a heavenly convoy was sent in his stead. When Hijikata saw Mitsuba amidst the bustling crowd at the train station his heart filled with warmth. He couldn't help but reciprocate the gentle smile on her face. He knew then he had made the right choice. Perhaps it was time to finally give in, he thought. All those years of evading her with work excuses and long distances were over. But there were other emotions at play behind his smile and Hijikata couldn't help but hold her image with worry. He accepted her invitation to tea almost out of guilt. The prospect of meeting Sougo again wasn't the least bit appealing, the horror of adolescence plaguing Hijikata's mind, yet he complied all the same. Indulging Mitsuba seemed to be everything he had left.

Surprisingly, she turned out to be the catalyst to his fears. That or just plain old fate. Hijikata wasn't sure at first. He had been smoking a cigarette by her front door when a crash shut him out of his reverie. Looking behind him, he could almost swear he had glimpsed a heap of silver hair disappearing down the hallway. But for a while Hijikata had remained in ignorance, finding no courage to ask Mitsuba about her neighbor. Besides, he wasn't certain if he really wanted an answer. To him it might as well have been an hallucination.

Alas, a day later he found out is wasn't so. And now here he was, twirling his drink in a haze, unable to stop thinking about his awful luck.

All around him people partied and laughed. They offered him drinks and congratulations but Hijikata couldn't let go of his misery. Of all things terrible in the world, he had to be stuck with the worst, even Mitsuba had to be tainted by that, that...

"Hijikata-san!" Yamazaki interrupted his thoughts with a big smile and hands full. He placed two shot glasses in the table in front of him and nudged Hijikata's arm "One for the promotion and one for the new apartment, come on!"

Hijikata eyed the cocktails with aversion. He gulped one down just to shut him up, after which loud cheers compelled him to finish the other. Kondo appeared out of nowhere with a big sake bottle and gave him an invigorating shake of shoulders. His elation was contagious.

"Now Toshi, you're gonna finish this one by yourself! Let's see how well you hold your liquor!"

Hijikata's prudent nature tried to fight off the challenge but he was too tired from fighting his own demons to start another argument. Pushing Kondo away was more than he could handle. He obliged his friend's request and let the alcohol assuage what his mind could not.

* * *

10 YEARS AGO

It was late in the afternoon. Hijikata had been poring over his books for over two hours, not noticing the shadows taking over the room and the sunlight dim to a bare orange glow. His head had started to ache when the words became too difficult to read in the dark, and he swore loudly as he stomped to the switch and flicked on the lights. Once he surveyed the empty room though, a smile came over his lips and he sat by his desk with such relief that it became impossible to further concentrate on anything except his own happiness.

It was unbelievable how in just two weeks he had forgotten what it was like to have some space of his own, some room to actually breathe. Hijikata didn't even want to know where the dunce had gone off to. He might as well never return. Coming home to find a deserted room began to feel like something Hijikata couldn't live without, or at least a big fucking improvement from yelling at Gintoki and shoving him to  _his_  side of the room, and keeping  _his_  mess from littering the whole fucking place. Snacks, magazines, comics, empty cans, if it was trash it was Gintoki's and Hijikata spent half his time ranting about it instead of studying.

Hence the change felt good, refreshing, ideal. Hijikata wanted everyday to be like this. Even the rest of the dorm seemed at peace when the moron wasn't around.

He climbed down the stairs to the common room, or living room, or whatever it was they all congregated to at some point in their daily lives, and he found Yamazaki watching TV with a bag of anpans on his lap.

"Hello Hijikata-san, wanna watch some badminton?"

Hijikata's eyes turned to the television screen and he sighed.

"No." was the reply, yet he sat down all the same.

"Quiet today, isn't it?" Yamazaki said, fishing for something to talk about.

"Is Kondo at the dojo?"

"Yeah, practice," Yamazaki said. He shook the bag on his lap and offered him some "anpan?"

Hijikata glanced at it just to wrench his eyes away from the stupid badminton game.

"Got some mayo?"

In that moment Katsura came in, feet dragging but silent. He had dark bags under his eyes and slumped on the seat in front of them.

"There's something terribly wrong with you, Hijikata-kun." he wailed while looking at the ceiling.

Hijikata and Yamazaki followed his gaze up and, finding nothing of notice there, turned back to the TV, the former with a scowl and the latter with worry.

Katsura wasn't a third as bad as Hijikata's Enemy, the roomate of hell, but he shared something of Gintoki's aloofness and overall stupidity. When Hijikata had first arrived to the dorm and gone on his quick tour with Kondo, the door to Katsura's room had intrigued him to say the least. He expected another creep to live there, never coming out and never socializing. He wasn't too far off the mark, except Katsura did make an appearance here and there at the most random hours. One day Hijikata had woken up at four o'clock to take a piss and walking by the common room to the toilet, he caught Katsura there watching a rerun of an old TV show about the late shogunate period, all dressed up in accordance too. Hijikata had never asked him about it and he had no wish to, but he could at last connect the screams that every now and then came from his locked room to some reenactment of the bakufu wars. Some nerd he was.

"You look tired Katsura-san, up all night working on your thesis again?"

Another person coming in interrupted Yamazaki's question. He dropped a pack of beer on the low table between them and slumped down next to Hijikata, jostling against him in the process.

"Does he do anything else?" Gintoki's voice rang with sarcasm and he turned slightly to the side addressing Hijikata "Scoot over."

"Watch it!" Hijikata snapped. The ease and content hosted in his lofty ribcage escaped in one long exhalation.

Katsura and Yamazaki flocked over to the table and everyone reached out for a can of beer. Gintoki slapped their hands off and pulled the six pack towards himself.

"Get your filthy hands off my hard labor, you cherry boy get on with your badminton crap, Zura," he paused to examine him and then continued his tirade "last time I saw you was four days ago and you're still wearing that?" the article in question was the white t-shirt with the penguin-like imprint Hijikata had always seen Kastura wear in their few encounters "You think this is Gutsy Frog? Is the duck gonna come out and talk to you in secret? Help you with your thesis? Pfffa!" Gintoki threw his head back in laughter and opened a can of beer. However, his mirth was short lived because as he did so, the beer spewed out and doused him all over. Yamazaki and Katsura broke into an obnoxious cackling and even Hijikata could not contain a loud guffaw.

"Serves you right." Hijikata told him.

"Asshole."

Gintoki grumbled indignantly but he no longer prevented their attempts to snatch a beer. He fumbled with his soaked shirt and brushed the foam off his pants. Hijikata was about to take his first sip when he felt the splatter reach him.

"Stop that shit and go take a shower, you stink!" he cried out, crawling away from Gintoki.

"Indeed, you look disgusting Gintoki." Katsura added.

"Shut up Zura, nobody asked you. It's not my fault the beer is defective!" Gintoki growled.

"Your brain is defective!" Hijikata rebuffed.

"Oh yeah?" Gintoki shot him a daring look and grabbed another beer can. He shook it and then aiming at Hijikata, he pulled the tab. The fight that ensued was inevitable. Both reeked of beer by the end of it without having enjoyed the tiniest drop. Yamazaki managed to hold back Hijikata by the arms and Katsura pulled Gintoki by the shirt almost asphyxiating him.

"I swear, we can't have one good thing in this house without this asshole ruining it!" Gintoki said out of breath, pointing an accusing finger at Hijikata.

"Everything was fine until you arrived! Why don't you crawl back to your hole, fucktard!"

The abuse continued and both missed Kondo's strides in the hallway as he ran to the bathroom. Yamazaki tried to nudge Hijikata and give him a hint, but the latter was too blinded by fury to listen. When Gintoki and Hijikata finally managed to move the topic of their argument to who was going to shower first, the sound of running water silenced them. Yamazaki and Katsura released their grips on the howling idiots and Katsura cleared his throat.

"There's always the bath house." he said solemnly. He finished his beer and went back to shut himself in his room.

"He's right, it's just two blocks down," Yamazaki said "and you know Kondo-san. He likes to take a nap in the tub."

Hijikata grimaced. The thought of the bath house annoyed him to no end, though his clothes rank, he was soaked in beer and he refused to spend another minute in that state; not to mention his threshold for taking Gintoki's bullshit was all but spent. He stood up without another word and grabbing a change of clothes, went out. He walked in a furious step, teeth clenched. He could barely remember his happy disposition half an hour ago. Going downstairs had been a terrible idea. He should have enjoyed more of that solitary solace in his room.

With a sigh, Hijikata turned a corner. He glimpsed briefly at the traffic mirror and that was when he caught him. The stalker on his heels. He felt like screaming.

"What the fuck are you following me around for?!" he did scream.

Gintoki was unfazed, his expression as nonchalant as ever. When he wasn't being equally boisterous as Hijikata, his natural apathy towards the world and its inhabitants was perhaps the most infuriating thing Hijikata had ever suffered. Gintoki's indifference might have been shrouded by a luring sense of mystery at first, but after two weeks of living and breathing the same air, Hijikata could assert with all certainty Gintoki was just a careless self-centered fool. Those strange red eyes were just that. Red. Unusual. Hijikata could admit for the sake of the argument he felt disappointed after knowing the guy, but that was it. Gintoki  _was_  disappointment, not to mention stupidity, annoyance and worthlessness.

"There's only one bath house around here and it's communal, get that around your hick brain." Gintoki said, walking past him without batting an eyelid. Hijikata growled.

"And you had to come too, right now?! You're a stalker!"

"Do you even know the way?" Gintoki turned around and their gazes met. Hijikata opened his mouth to answer but he had to close it quick before he voiced out his defeat. Gintoki snorted and trudged on, Hijikata behind him with an massive flush of embarrassment.

The bath house was mostly vacant. At that hour only a handful of men were there enjoying the sauna. The old man at the front desk greeted Gintoki as they came in and they proceeded to the changing room. They took off their clothes amid a row of insults, the stench of beer rekindling their earlier fight, and afterward each picked up a towel and a bucket and entered the bathing area. They went to opposite sides of the room and sat down by the faucets grunting. Once the washing was done and it came to bathing, the two stopped by the same tub.

"Oioioi, this is too much." Gintoki noted in disbelief.

"I don't like it too hot or too cold. I'm not stupid." Hijikata said with a glare. There were three bathtubs total and each had different water temperatures. Unfortunately their preferences were very similar.

"I'm not stupid either, idiot."

Gintoki fell in after Hijikata and both submerged with frowns on their faces.

Hijikata tried to close his eyes and forget Gintoki's presence altogether, but not a minute had gone by before Gintoki's big mouth opened to present the world with a stupid pubescent joke.

"Still amazed how half this tub doesn't overflow with my dick in it."

"How about you shut the fuck up?"

"How about you take that stick outta your ass?"

Hijikata opened his eyes ready for another fight. The will to drag Gintoki's head under the water and drown him grew every second. It was ridiculous how Hijikata could not get rid of him anywhere he went.

"Yo, Gintoki how you doing?" a man with brown messy hair and some kind of goatee came out of the sauna looking exhausted. He dipped in the tub next to Gintoki and the latter sidled towards Hijikata.

"Good, how's the wife?" Gintoki replied blandly.

"What are you doing?" Hijikata asked him between gritted teeth. Gintoki's shoulders almost touched his.

"He creeps me out." Gintoki replied in the same manner.

"You creep me out!"Hijikata gasped.

"So I heard you were helping out at the shelter today." the man said. He went by the name of Hasegawa and gave Gintoki a thumbs up.

"They told me they needed some help and I didn't mind the cash" Gintoki replied matter-a-factually. It didn't seem like much to him, but Hijikata was surprised. Gintoki going off to work was the last thing on his mind when he had found their room empty that afternoon.

"By the way, could you go by my house this week and collect some clutter? There's also a sticky door the missus has been nagging me about."

"Sure, as long as you pay me" Gintoki said. Hasegawa replied with a fake laugh and Hijikata finally realized something.

"Is that why they call you Yorozuya?" he wondered aloud. Gintoki looked at him a little smug but it was Hasegawa who answered.

"Yeah, Gintoki does all kinds of odd jobs around town. He doesn't live in that dump for free! Hahahaha!"

Gintoki and Hijikata shot murdering looks at the laughing man and soon decided to quit the bath house. They went back to their shit hole with bitter feelings, though little did they know that in the future Hasegawa would taste a bit of a role-reversal.

*****

* * *

After his semi-weekly prowl through the new titles in the bookstore, Gintoki got home just in time to hear the phone ringing. The number ID filled him with pleasure and annoyance. It was work. One of the local moving companies was short on a worker and they were willing to hire Gintoki temporarily as a replacement. He was too broke to decline the offer. After heating up some ramen to quench his empty stomach, he slurped the cheap noodles and left with a pair of worn sneakers on his feet.

"So what happened to Tetsu-kun?"

"Sprained ankle." one of the movers told him.

"It was either that or being squashed by a piano." another pitched in. The three men inside the van laughed.

They were on their way to the customer's house, which was on the other side of town, some good four or five miles away from Gintoki's own humble abode. The back of the van was full with boxes and packaged appliances. According to the chief, there was another load in storage scheduled for pick up that afternoon, yet no matter what was prearranged Gintoki couldn't conceive how they were gonna manage both loads in one day. His arms lost half their strength when the movers opened the back of the van and he saw the actual cargo. A sudden desire to quit and go home blossomed in his chest.

"G-guys, oi, guys, l-listen to me, I'm glad to help but t-this is ridiculous." he stuttered in disbelief.

"Nah! Come on Gin-san, show us some spirit!"

"I have spirit alright, but it doesn't usually carry ten tons of," he gestured towards the contents of the van and shrugged "boxed wrapped crap!"

"Quit your whining and move it, they'll cut our pay if we don't do both loads today. I'm aiming for that bonus." a strong armed man growled, walking past Gintoki and leaping inside the van. He began distributing the cardboard boxes and pulling out small items that could be carried together.

"What the hell!" one of the movers cursed, readjusting his grip on a box "What's inside this thing, bricks?!"

Gintoki laughed and picked one up. The smile on his face disappeared instantly.

"Shit!"

"Chief told me it's mostly paperwork." the tough guy inside the van said while reaching out for the next one.

"You mean all of them are like this?" Gintoki gasped, eyeing the mountain of boxes still to be handled.

"Yeah guess so. At least they aren't fragile, we get lots of complaints with those."

The movers grunted in agreement and carried on with their toil. Gintoki took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on the money he would get since nothing else was going to help him through that day. He turned around and looked at the building in question. It was fairly recent without a blemish in sight. Gintoki counted one, two, three, fours floors. He entered the lobby with a funny feeling in his gut and then something inside him died. As if the quantity of stuff wasn't overwhelming enough, the customer's apartment was on the second floor and there was no elevator. Gintoki cursed the minute he had picked up the phone.

The sun had begun its descent, three hours had passed and the van was only half emptied. Gintoki tried to loiter a few times by the stairs but after getting caught by the big guy he felt a menace on his shoulders every time he turned his back. He was aware that refusing to carry those boxes wasn't worth being skinned alive by a man with mouths to feed at home. Moreover, Gintoki had his own surplus stomach to sustain, and a monstrous one at that. Kagura should be studied by scientists one day. Details aside, Gintoki was beginning to feel the toll of all the heavy lifting. His shabby t-shirt clung to his back with sweat, his forehead glistened and his hair was a bigger mess than usual with drenched curls dripping sweat onto the floor.

He set a heavy box down by the kitchen counter and leaned over it panting.

"This ain't right." he mumbled out of breath.

He heard loud footsteps coming in, clearly not the ones of the working men going up and down the building with heavy cargo. Gintoki assumed it was the customer and straightened up at once, running a hand through his disheveled hair in a vain attempt to look presentable. However, the person who came into sight was impossible to please. Gintoki's heart nearly stopped from the shock. Before him stood Hijikata in a black suit. He had been loosening his tie when he noticed Gintoki there and froze in place as well. They lacked the words to carry on.

"Yo, mister where do you want us to put this?"

The movers were now coming up with the appliances and they broke the stifling silence that had fallen on the apartment. Their question brought Hijikata back to life and he disappeared from view, leading the men into another room.

Gintoki let out the breath he was holding and leaned back against the counter. He tried to fight the smile spreading all over his face, but the circumstances were too ridiculous. He gave in.

It was sunset when the van returned with the second and last load. Gintoki could barely feel his legs, though they kept going up and down the building. He and Hijikata hadn't exchanged a word, not even to decide where things were to be set down. Gintoki didn't grudge him. In his current mood he wasn't much for talking as he was to collapse on the floor dying. Not that he would do it there. Although it had taken him a while to acknowledge, that was Hijikata's house and the shit he had been moving up and down was the bastard's shit as well.

Hijikata wandered around from place to place, opening boxes and checking their contents. He supervised the movers as they brought in heavy appliances and helped them occasionally when the situation seemed dire. Nevertheless, whenever Gintoki came near he disappeared. The most Gintoki saw of him was his back; the white dress shirt that fitted him so perfectly it actually grossed him out; the sleeves rolled up to his elbows after he had taken off his jacket; the hem of his shirt tucked into his trousers with barely a wrinkle. It wasn't fair how such a wild and violent jackass could look so neat and so... good.

Gintoki shook his head to dispel his less honorable thoughts. He wasn't paying attention to Hijikata. No way. He wasn't. He just couldn't keep his curiosity at bay. He wanted to find the differences in him, though there weren't many to be found yet. Hijikata seemed much the same stubborn idiot of old, keeping to himself and looking grave. There was no resemblance, he was exactly the same. Like nothing had changed. Like all those years had never been there. But he did look older, sharper, inscrutable. Anything he did stirred Gintoki inescapably.

Hijikata bent over to pick a box of papers and Gintoki's eyes lingered for a moment down his back. He had no time to regret the decision. Hijikata failed to notice the shelf behind him move and his eyes widened once he saw Gintoki run towards him in a flash.

"Watch out!"

Gintoki managed to hold the empty shelf back with the remnants of his strength. Hijikata put down the box he was holding and helped Gintoki push the shelf back to its straight position. Before they knew it they were thanking each other and then more silence followed.

Between feeling awkward and out of place, Gintoki was having trouble getting reacquainted with their proximity. Sure, judging Hijikata from afar and spewing some snide remarks to himself was easy. Playing the same game one feet away from the man was something entirely different. Especially when Hijikata seemed as flustered and off guard as he was. Gintoki had to break the mood, else he was just going to stand there looking at Hijikata's face like a dumb kid who stares at foreigners in the supermarket.

"Nice place you got here." he croaked out.

"Yeah."

"Lots of shit too." it seemed pertinent to add.

"No more than you, just not so useless." Hijikata replied.

"You should give me a raise."

"I'm surprised you're even employed."

"I'm not. Just filling in for a while."

Hijikata sneered and reached again for the box he had put down. Gintoki imagined his low expectations had been met. As sad as that might sound. At least he was glad the awkwardness was gone.

They didn't speak much after that. Once the job was done Gintoki left with the movers, eager for his payment. Later, he bought himself a drink and as he swallowed it, he remembered he hadn't even said goodbye. For a while the thought disturbed him, but he got comfort knowing he didn't own the jerk any politeness. Shaking off their eight year estrangement wasn't going to happen over night. Soon they would be back clawing at each other's throats and there was nothing he could do about that.


	4. To Break Boundaries You Have To Put Some Up First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE ON THE TEXT: (*) means end of flashback.

9 YEARS AND 10 MONTHS AGO

After living in the dorm for two months, Hijikata doubted there was still anything in a hundred mile radius that could surprise him. He had memorized all the little quirks of the decaying house by grievous experience and his body had adapted to them unconsciously. He was now an adept at avoiding the bad spots of the hardwood floor and the uneven stair steps; an expert at closing the dripping taps and shutting out the noise of the old fans. He was even able to tolerate the dorm's degenerate tenants to a considerable degree.

Hijikata thought he had seen everything. Everything, except Sakamoto Tatsuma.

The first time he met him, Hijikata had been enjoying one of those unusual peaceful evenings of study in his room after Gintoki had gone out to buy another load of worthless snacks. A man had blasted open the door of their room and sauntered in with a pile of magazines tied up in a string. He flung it to the floor with a sort of triumphant jerk and laughed with his head thrown back in merriment.

"Hahahahaha! Look at this Kintoki! Another batch of exquisite high level! Ya won't get your hands on anythin' like this in your dirty alleys! Not in a million years!"

Hijikata bit the cigarette he had in his mouth and looked at the man with a mix of confusion and anger. Who was he? What did he want? Was he another one of Gintoki's creepy acquaintances? Why did Gintoki's life consist mostly of shitty characters like this? Hijikata reviewed these questions hastily and then looked closer at the magazine pile in the center of the room. Three shades of red crept up his neck, yet he managed to remain cool and collected.

"What the fuck is this filth and who the hell are you?" he reproached from his desk.

Sakamoto's smile didn't waver, if anything he laughed harder, as if Hijikata had just replied with some amazing follow-up joke. The man was so out of it Hijikata didn't know how to act.

"Remember when ya asked me if I could get ya this gem?" Sakamoto loosened the knot and pulled out a magazine from the pile.

"That's not Gintoki." a voice said. There was a pause and Hijikata noticed a short girl standing quietly behind the weird man.

"Wait a second," Sakamoto's eyes peered at Hijikata over his sunglasses and he leaned his head to the side "You're not Kintoki."

"No I'm not!"

"Oh whoa! I'm sorry I didn' recognized ya at first!" Sakamoto's astounded expression was replaced by a big smile "You're  _that_  Oogushi-kun! Heeey! How have ya' been?" Sakamoto bowed his head curtly and gave a firm squeeze to Hijikata's hand "Oi Mutsu, look here! It's that Oogushi-kun I was tellin' you about the other day! The one who fenced us that rare Yugi Hoe card deck!"

"No, he is not." the girl replied nonchalantly.

"I'm tellin' ya it is! I'm pretty sure it's the same Oogushi-kun. We even went out for drinks after."

"Oogushi wha- who? That's not who- I am not Oogushi-kun!" Hijikata burst out, unable to keep hearing the name coming out of the man's mouth "Who the hell are you? Did that asshole send you here to piss me off? With your- your..." Hijikata was too riled up to even spell it, so he just pointed to the pile of porn mags on the floor.

Sakamoto stared at him for a few seconds before turning towards his companion and wondering aloud "You're right Mutsu, I don't think he is Oogushi-kun. Oogushi-kun ain't that rude."

Hijikata was about to send the butt of his cigarette into the man's brown perm.

"I moved here about two months ago! I'm Hijikata Toshiro and I'm trying to get on with my work here!" he explained exasperatedly "Now, who the hell-" his question was interrupted by another burst of emotion.

"OOOOOOOOOH! Look Mutsu! It's Kintoki's new roommate! I knew it! Heeey! How are ya!" Sakamoto reached for Hijikata's hand again and shook it with another big grin "I live just across the hallway! Sakamoto Tatsuma at your service," he introduced himself "This here is Mutsu." he gestured towards the girl.

"Hello."

Hijikata returned her greeting out of mere politeness. He was too overwhelmed by Sakamoto's personality to handle the necessary mood shift to address her. They were a strange pair.

"So how are ya likin' it here? Want some of these?" Sakamoto pulled the magazine pile to himself and began skimming through the issues, searching for the one he thought would best suit Hijikata's taste "I'm something of a merchant, you see, if you need anything, anything at all just ring me. Want big in the front? Big in the back? Genderbend? Other gender? Mixed genders? Whatever you want, I'll get my hands on it, no judgment. But everything for a price. We also trade depending on the items."

Hijikata didn't know what was more disturbing, Gintoki's apparent bad taste in porn, the sleaziness of the magazines or Sakamoto indulging in them with a young girl looking over his shoulder. She looked pretty innocent but maybe that was a ruse, like everything had turned out to be since Hijikata had arrived in Tokyo.

"How is Kintoki? Doing well? Been a while since I saw him. I mean, I have been out for a few days, or is it weeks? I think I lost track of the time. Too busy I guess. I didn't think Kintoki would be up for another roommate after all o' that with Taka-"

Hijikata was actually paying attention to Sakamoto's words when Gintoki's arrival put an end to his speech.

"What the hell are you doing in my room, Tatsuma?" he was sweating from the walk and he had a frown on his face "I told you to stop barging in like this. Did you even fence that shit radio I gave you like a month ago? You know I could have given it to Gengai and made something of it, right?" He strolled in casually, acknowledging Mutsu with a nod and then flopping down by his usual spot with the plastic bag full of sugary snacks he had bought at the convenience store. Hijikata felt like he was watching a bad teenage flick and his head hurt. Being in the same room with two perm heads was not beneficial to his health.

"Yo Kintoki! I found someone who's interested in that thing but he's being difficult about it. Just gimme a few more days. In the meanwhile, check this out, I was telling it to Oogushi-kun here, I got me a nice deal for this rare pile of quality porn..."

Hijikata's eyes met Gintoki's at the word 'Oogushi-kun'. His roommate turned towards him with a slight confused look and Hijikata noticed, with much contempt, how Gintoki mouthed a solemn  _Oh_ , as if he hadn't even noticed Hijikata sitting there before.

Hijikata blew a big puff of smoke in his direction and turned back to his study. He hunched his shoulders and tried his best to shut out the whole conversation unfolding behind him. It was best to just ignore them.

Sakamoto left twenty minutes later after successfully persuading Gintoki to buy some of his trashy magazines. Hijikata mumbled a couple of goodbyes out of his dying goodwill and hoped Gintoki would either just disappear or stay quiet for the rest of the evening. What followed was too distressing for him to predict.

First came the rustling sounds, which were annoying but conspicuous enough since Gintoki would always find something to grate on Hijikata's nerves whenever he was awake. Then began the short breaths and the silence. No pages being turned, no fidgeting, no nothing. Hijikata felt the hairs at the back of his neck stand up in alarm. Another gasp. He couldn't believe it. He turned around slowly, his eyes squinting. Yes, Gintoki was jerking off, or trying to, not five feet away from him.

"Are you fucking kidding me- !" Hijikata stood up so abruptly his chair fell back.

Gintoki stopped his ministrations with a furrowed brow, remaining completely at ease.

"Can't a man enjoy his porn in quiet?"

"NO HE CAN'T!" Hijikata blared, his voice so stretched he was afraid a shrill might sprung out instead "Don't you have any fucking decency, what the hell-" Hijikata tried to construct the rest of his sentence but his eyes were no longer fixated on Gintoki's smug face. They were travelling way bellow his midriff and he didn't know what else to say except expelling a stream of curses.

"You can join me if you want, there's variety." Gintoki said, nudging a couple of magazines with his foot. Hijikata gasped.

"You make me fucking sick!" he kicked the fallen chair aside and stomped out of the room, his face red with fury and shame. Hijikata had no other way to subdue those feelings but to exercise them away. He made it straight for the dojo where Kondo practiced, eager to lash out at the first opponent.

Gintoki went back to his business as soon as Hijikata was out. A smirk playing on his lips.

"And that's for smoking inside, bastard."

*****

* * *

There wasn't much to do but sulk. Sulk in Gintoki's typical pathetic way. Three empty parfaits were lined up on the counter, a fourth melting away, his purse was lighter than air itself and his shirt hung loosely around his neck. Behind the counter the owner gave him a fishy eye. Nobody liked to be present for Gintoki's slumps, especially when he stuck to one's business like a parasite. The owner had already finished his fifth round of cleaning the glassware, but his persistence couldn't be blamed. It were three in the afternoon and there wasn't much to do other than creep on the customers.

Gintoki's slump derived from a multitude of problems that had been piling on for days. Most arose from the same pain in the ass chagrin of always, money. No one would have wondered about it who knew Gintoki's lifestyle, not even Gintoki himself, so much so that he was dealing with it as he ever did, ignoring the problem and hoping for the best. This included waiting for money to rain down from the sky or winning the lottery. Both pointless solutions to the problem since he wasn't a very lucky person to begin with. But experience had taught him all there was to know about gambling and the most important part was to keep playing until he won. Perhaps the fault was in the system.

Shinpachi wasn't a big advocate of Gintoki's approach to financial difficulties. He saw its faults right away, yet he didn't contribute with any plausible alternatives. He was always yapping "get a real job, get a real job, get a real job". Gintoki had begun filtering it a long time ago. He knew what happened to people who got real jobs. They became assholes. He'd rather wither and die and be reborn a plant than get a real job. Besides, he still had a roof over his head, didn't he? He still managed to put food on the table. Meager stuff, yeah, but they got by.

Gintoki sighed. Truth be told, it wasn't even about the money. Gintoki's body was just too used to nurture the drag of the bills and the debts. It didn't know how to process the whole spectrum of feelings people in TV dramas dealt with on a weekly basis. He was afraid he'd give in to his own baseless speculations.

A hand on his shoulder caught him unaware.

"What?-!" Gintoki swiveled around on the high stool he was sitting on and cracked his spine in the process. All at once the small amount of healing he had managed to achieve after two weeks of working with the movers was replaced with pain all over his torso. He cursed under his breath and leaned against the counter pitifully. The lifeless stare that beheld him didn't encourage him to embrace the pain either.

"Hello." Mutsu greeted him.

"W-what do you want..." Gintoki tried to look cool but his failure was a hard thing to witness. Fortunately for him, Mutsu was used to stupid antics. She was in fact eager to inquire Gintoki about another such fool as himself.

"Have you seen him around?"

"Who? Tatsuma?" Gintoki groaned. Just thinking about that brown perm gave him a headache, one which he needn't add to his list of physical aches at the moment "No I haven't seen him, but if he is around it's not hard to guess where he is, right?" Gintoki said, caressing his lower back and turning back towards the counter. His parfait was approaching liquid state.

"What do you mean?" Mutsu asked and sat on a high-stool beside him.

Her back was straight and her long hair fell on her shoulders without a lost strand. Her clothes weren't very feminine and her face looked as serious as always. Gintoki didn't like to look at Mutsu anymore. She reminded him of too many things past and present. He remembered how cute she was all those years ago with short hair and mini-skirs. He used to feel sorry for her every time Sakamoto brought her with him to the dorm. It wasn't a place for her. Gintoki always thought she deserved better than that, but she had chosen to hang out with the idiot of her own free will. She still did, so perhaps all that crap meant little or nothing to her.

"You know..." Gintoki wanted to get his point across without having to say it directly. For some reason he felt horrible having to say it out loud. Usually he would have blurted it out without a second thought:  _Ask Tae_ ,  _Why don't you go by the Snack Smile?_ ,  _He's out to get rejected again is what_ , but this time it was too cruel. This time Gintoki even pondered on consoling her. But he checked himself before he could fall into such a sappy trap.

"You chose a bad business partner, you know? You can do better than that idiot." Gintoki said halfheartedly, as nothing intelligent seemed to be in a hurry to reach his brain. Mutsu didn't reply. If she had any emotions they were well hidden away.

"Anything I can get you?" The owner stopped by them to take Mutsu's order and he left with a frown after she asked for a glass of water. He brought it back almost unwillingly and set it down in front of her with a grunt. She didn't notice him. After a moment of silence she spoke.

"I don't know what to do."

Gintoki picked up his liquid parfait and took a sip. It seemed the perfect thing to do after such a miserable sentence. He didn't have any good advice to give her. Not knowing what to do was his perpetual way of life.

"Neither do I."

* * *

9 YEARS AND 10 MONTHS AGO

Gintoki couldn't pinpoint the exact moment he had started putting a little more effort into his relationship with Hijikata. So far they had only pestered each other given their incompatible personalities and equal resentment towards having to share a room together. Kondo in particular felt this more keenly than any other person seeing as he was the one to blame. Nonetheless, Gintoki would admit to take his harassment a bit too far if Hijikata confessed to purposefully disregard all the unofficial rules of room-sharing. Rules which Gintoki had established right from the start. The smoking especially bothered him to no end. Not because he hated it, but because he knew the stuck-up piece of shit did it intentionally behind his back. Their whole vengeance-based system of coexistence thrived on these minute details.

Breaking that cycle, however, came nothing short of a disaster. Gintoki was too guilty and too confused by the time he caught up with his own subconscious. Fortunately for him, Hijikata was as dense as a rock and it would have taken a row of miraculous deities for him to notice anything of subtlety.

Everything had started with the callouses on Hijikata's hands. The first four or five times Gintoki noticed them he had barely made a quip about them. It was obvious where the dunce was getting those from. He probably tagged along with Kondo to the kendo club whenever his pent-up frustration reached its peak or someone made a mess of the kitchen. His dedication was truly admirable. Despite the amount of crap he had to study, he always found an hour or two to waste with the gorilla squad. Gintoki wondered if he wasn't worthy of praise himself since, in a way, he was the reason Hijikata had resorted to torturing the innocent followers of Kondo's cult.

Gintoki had taken no interest in the business at first. It barely mattered to him so long as Hijikata was out of their room. He had given it no notice whatsoever and was rather happy about it until people began to wonder how such a peaceful flower boy could be so ruthless and cruel. It was ridiculous. Gintoki couldn't go out on a job without a lanky kid complaining about the blue eyed demon Kondo had brought to the dojo. Gintoki knew by experience how prone Hijikata was to fight. He was strong but nothing grievous; he knew him to be more along the lines of peevish and prude. Not to mention, Gintoki definitely had more muscle than him. He was also like one centimeter taller and manlier. He was pretty sure these things counted in assessing a man's strength.

This obsession with the strongest body took Gintoki's harassment to new lengths and, in an unfortunate turn of events, he became his own victim.

He wanted to believe his curiosity was pure and his intentions only a stem of jealousy, but it got too awkward down the road to even remember his original purpose. Gintoki wanted to vanish into a mouse hole. Somewhere he could hide. Somewhere he could  _sleep_.

Contrary to popular belief, Gintoki wasn't a heavy sleeper. His sleeping boasted more of quantity than quality. Thus it was common for him to wake up before Hijikata. Nine times out of ten, he would just pretend to be asleep and wait for his roommate to leave. But recently his habits had changed. He would just stay there awake in his futon, his eyes mere slits, stealing glances he couldn't resist.

The room was half dark, illuminated only by the soft sunlight streaming in through the window's dusty blinds. The murkiness certainly made it all worse. More intimate. More indecent. Gintoki wanted to claw his eyes out. He couldn't keep them away. Initially it had been too easy to just glance over Hijikata's body and cross out the weak spots in comparison to his own. But the competitive spirit took its leave before Gintoki could allow it. Watching Hijikata undress became a sort of daily ritual; sometimes out of boredom, other times...

Gintoki didn't know. He didn't want to bother with reasons either. It wasn't as if he got hard or anything. He just enjoyed how Hijikata's bare back looked when he pulled his shirt over his head and his skin appeared soft and smooth in the dimly lit room. It was mesmerizing. Gintoki would have barfed if possible. How was it fair? Hijikata was the scum of the Earth. Gintoki would have voted him off into space if he didn't have this absurdly bewitching side.

And Hijikata never changed his routine. Not once.

Not even after that one time Gintoki could swear he had been caught.

*****

* * *

An independent means of transportation comes with a lot of solidarity and good-will attached. Gintoki reacquainted himself with this notion when Gengai finally finished repairing his old scooter.

"Honestly, I was about to give up on it," the old quirky man told him "But it seems it has a life of its own," he said with a laugh "That or just fear of death."

"I'm sure it's that last one," Gintoki mumbled and scratched the back of his neck "How's my TV, old geezer?"

"Pretty sure it's a lost case." Gengai replied. His speedy reply earned him a sideways glance from Gintoki.

"Oi, you said the same thing about the scooter."

"Well, one can be wrong," Gengai said. He wiped the back of the scooter one last time with his dirty cloth and told Gintoki to test it "See for yerself."

Gintoki turned it on and the scooter rumbled in good health.

"You can pay me later. Work won't be sparse for you these next few weeks," Gengai declared with a guffaw "that and charity!"

Gintoki tried to laugh along with the old man but the truth was depressing. Now that he had his scooter back every wretch on the street was about to be reminded of a sudden favor they needed to ask Gintoki or an old score they had to settle. It pissed him off but it  _was_  widely known Gintoki owed many favors to many different people. One could at least commend him for managing to make the tiniest profit out of such suspicious deals.

"Thanks anyway." Gintoki said. He put on his helmet and goggles and turned to Mutsu who had accompanied him to Gengai's shop.

"Hop on, I'll give you a lift."

She nodded and sat behind him.

"Come by tomorrow to pick up Otose's vacuum cleaner, she phoned me an hour ago to tell you about it."

"Why can't the old hag come pick it up herself?" Gintoki grumbled "My services aren't free."

"She said she'll deduct it from your rent." Gengai said with a wink, but the gesture was lost behind his industrial goggles.

"Whatever." Gintoki shrugged. He put his chin up and the scooter's engine revved. His next stop was the Snack Smile club.

Mutsu was a tomb the whole ride. She didn't fuss or said a word. Her calmness soothed Gintoki and cleared his mind. He wished he possessed her self-composure, yet he could feel her heartbeat rising as he turned the corner to the club. The paltry figure lying down at the front explained it.

"Thank you." Mutsu said quietly. She slipped off the scooter graciously and walked towards Sakamoto, picking him up with little effort. He was in a pitiful state, disheveled and reeking of booze. Gintoki tried not to empathize.

"Yooo~ Kin...toki," Sakamoto waved him a flimsy hand "Just the man I wanted to seeee." he drawled out. Mutsu withdrew her grip once he regained his footing, but Sakamoto held on to her shoulder to rummage inside his coat.

"I have something for ya," Sakamoto said "I heard Oogushi-kun was baack"

Gintoki gulped down a sudden mass of unease.

"I have something for him...wait no, I have something for you... to give to him." Sakamoto clarified, though the alcohol in his blood hindered him. He produced a package out of an inner pocket and extended it to Gintoki.

"Take it. Tell him it's a homecoming gift." he said with a snicker.

Gintoki looked at Sakamoto's outstretched arm with reluctance. He already expected one of those fleeting delivery jobs to be distasteful - there were always a few he couldn't quite chew - but he couldn't believe one had come so soon. Gintoki pinched his nose and looked at Mutsu. A minute ago he would have taken her to the other side of the world and been content. Now he just felt horrible.

He snatched the package with a click of his tongue.

"You owe me this one." he snarled.

Sakamoto laughed.

"You'll probably thank me later Kintoki."

Gintoki got on his scooter and stormed off as loudly as he could, coughing a cloud of smoke in Sakamoto's inebriated face.

* * *

It took Gintoki three detours to finally stop by Hijikata's apartment. With enough luck the package would fit in the mailbox and he would be out of there in no time. But he had no such luck. He tried to squeeze the damn thing through the slit but well-wishing only got a person so far.

"Shit." He lifted a finger to press the doorbell and sighed. He couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to push the damn button. All that courage had gone down the drain two weeks ago. To solve his problem Gintoki decided to ring the whole building and hope someone would open the door. Bingo. After a dozen elderly voices complained through the transmitter, he got in.

Climbing the stairs was easy. His memory of the place was pretty fresh, though not willingly and without fondness. His back still hurt from loading all those boxes and his calves hadn't recovered completely.

Reminiscing about it brought him straight to Hijikata's door.

"He probably isn't even home." Gintoki muttered to himself. He took a deep breath and tried to squash his nerves to naught.

_Ring! Ring Ring Ring Ring! Ring! Ring!Ringringring Ring!_

Gintoki got a bit carried away with the doorbell and was drumming a tune when the door opened violently and Hijikata appeared in full glory, frown, suit and smoke all in one. Gintoki would have smiled if he wasn't actually shitting himself with glee. And agony. Mostly agony.

" _You_ " Hijikata uttered it the same way a person identifies a disease.

Gintoki kept his deadpan expression.

"What are you doing here?" Hijikata's voice went down a tone and he narrowed his eyes.

"Delivery." Gintoki spat out flatly. It was curious how once they got a conversation going, even if there wasn't much of it, Gintoki's throes of despair simply faded away. He peeked behind Hijikata's shoulder and noticed how many of the boxes he had helped move were still stacked up high in his hallway.

"Deliver what?" Hijikata pressed on. He saw Gintoki glimpsing inside his apartment and narrowed the gap of the open door.

"Oh, are you hiding something?" Gintoki teased him "You didn't use to be so messy, what happened?"

"None of your damn business!" Hijikata scowled "I haven't had the time to sort it all out yet."

"Yeah, seems pretty boring business to me. Shouldn't you be working?"

"I am!"

Gintoki hummed in agreement and raised an eyebrow when they fell silent. He could feel Hijikata's piercing eyes hesitate over his body and then switch to the wall behind him when Gintoki caught him at it. It was amusing but stressful at the same time. Gintoki took his cue to revive the mood.

"Sakamoto asked me to give you this. Says it's a homecoming gift."

Hijikata took the package and his frown deepened as he felt it with his hands.

"You know what it is, don't you? You came to laugh at me."

"I could take that as payment, now that you mention it." Gintoki replied stifling a chuckle.

Perhaps it was all that time they had spent together in their youth that bridged the distance from the doorway to the balcony. Gintoki had barely noticed the shift. He was too focused on following Hijikata's muttering voice and avoiding the contents of the house, mainly the big boxes he was afraid would fall on him. When he finally realized where he was, the sunset almost blinded him. The giant window in the living room opened to a balcony with a privileged view of the city and let in a dazzling light.

"That fucking prick!" Hijikata's yell broke Gintoki's trance and he turned around with a slight jolt. Sakamoto's snickering was well justified. Gintoki couldn't help but burst out in laughter. Inside the package was a bundle of the cheapest porn mags Gintoki had seen in a while. They were probably some relics of their years at the dorm which Sakamoto had saved for a special occasion. Gintoki couldn't think of one better. Hijikata's flustered face brought him back ten years, though the fact he was almost thirty made it twice as funny.

Hijikata clearly didn't share the sentiment. He sent a couple of magazines flying Gintoki's way, one of which hit him in the face and sent him reeling to the balcony.

"Fuck!" Gintoki clutched his cheek and checked for blood. It seemed alright with no paper-cuts, yet it got atrocious once he looked up and found Hijikata crouched in front of him, his face inches away from his own and his hands on their way to clasp his chin, which he did.

Hijikata said something but it escaped Gintoki's ears. He just saw lips moving and heard his heartbeat banging against his chest. He was reminded of the silent Mutsu on their way to the Smile club.

Gintoki's lack of response inadvertently aggravated the situation. Hijikata began running his fingers through Gintoki's hair, feeling the curls unfurl in his scalp. His lips had stopped moving and the motion was probably an involuntary act his brain had no control over. Gintoki was petrified. He could see his shocked reaction gradually mirroring itself in Hijikata's face. Widened eyes, mouth slightly ajar, an overall expression screaming  _what the fuck is happening?_  Gintoki was cut off from actually saying it by Hijikata's quick intervention.

"Just making sure your hair was still there. Thought you had a wig for a second."

While the statement was far from pleasing, Gintoki didn't so much as scowl. He could feel old gears in motion, some will of the past ingrained in his bones.

"I have to go. Kagura probably lost herself on the way home and all that. See you around." He detached himself from the constraints of that stiffing balcony and strode past Hijikata in a daze, desperate for the exit. The words  _don't look back_  echoed in his head and he was glad of it because he already had enough he wanted to forget.

Getting back to his scooter was a relief. Gintoki wasn't someone who tended to run from his problems, but this was something entirely different. He had no time for it. He rushed home with little care for safety. It was a miracle he survived.

Kagura was waiting for him when he arrived. She had just returned from walking Sadaharu and was playing with the giant dog on the yard.

"Ah! Gin-chan! You were late today so I came back alone. Anego doesn't know," she said with a half-comforting smile "I saw Shinpachi in the store buying more idol crap. I told him we don't approve."

She pouted at Gintoki's silence.

"Did Tsukki scold you again? Or was it Anego-" Kagura gasped as she approached him "Gin-chan! What happened to your face? It's all red!"

"Gengai did something to the scooter. I fell again."


	5. All Cats Are Gray In The Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE ON THE TEXT: (*) means end of flashback.

Having finished putting in his extra hours and with a final glance towards his desk, Hijikata left his office. At that hour the sun had long gone. It was just him and his empty office. Papers towered about him, crammed in file cases and cabinets. Behind its closed door, the smoke of his last cigarette remained fading, hovering above a pile of cigarette butts in the astray.

A couple of bitter circumstances prevented his ordinary journey back home. One, it was late. After-sunset late.  _Sunset_. A terrible word Hijikata had blacklisted over the past few days. He knew why he hated it. Its mere mention brought up images he would rather not conjure. Two, it had been too long since he had last seen Mitsuba and he hated himself for it. He had failed to answer her invitation for tea not two days ago. His mind was full of doubts.

He stood motionless in front of the police station deciding his next move. It was out of the question admitting the reason why he didn't want to go see her. The choice of neighbor hadn't been hers. It hadn't been anyone's! Certainly not Hijikata's. It was just his sad luck taunting him again. Yet, he knew he must see her. They had things to talk about. Hijikata had to move on with his life.

"Hijikata-san? Did you forget something at the office? I can get it for you!" the face of his assistant Tetsunosuke appeared next to him. His eyes sparkled as he was eager to help his superior in any way he could. Hijikata brushed him off.

"No, I was just leaving." he said.

"What about an umbrella? You're not leaving in this weather?" Tetsu asked him. Hijikata hadn't noticed the wet sidewalk nor the pouring rain. His eyes had been fixed on something unreal that escaped Tetsu's care.

"I'll manage."

Hijikata straightened his jacket and took off, giving a quick run towards the nearest convenience store. He bought himself a cheap umbrella and made for the train station where a small florist stand caught his notice. He would visit Mitsuba after all.

He arrived at her building with a small bouquet, feeling quite dumb and out of place. Imagining Sougo's idiotic face was enough to make him quit and send all his good intentions to hell. But he went through with it. He climbed the stairs to her door and crossed the hall with jelly for legs. He was betrayed by self-doubt before he could ring. He turned and glanced briefly at Gintoki's doorstep, reluctance pooling in his gut.

The sound of footsteps going up the staircase stopped his heart. He gasped inaudibly and glued his eyes to Mitsuba's door, dreading to be found. Whoever it was, Hijikata would surely look stupid hesitating in front of a woman's apartment with a bouquet of flowers. One person in particular would derive nothing but joy at his miserable sight.

To Hijikata's surprise, and immense relief, a teenage boy showed up and crossed the hall straight to Gintoki's door. He was short and wore a pair of nerdy glasses. There was something about him Hijikata couldn't figure out. He stared at him.

"Gin-san! Kagura-chan! Open up, it's me!" he announced while pounding on Gintoki's door. His shoulders were hunched and he looked tired. Nothing remarkable for someone who probably dealt with Gintoki on a daily basis.

Hijikata recognized the mellow voice coming from within.

" _It's open._ "

The teenage boy struggled with the door handle and with a strong push wandered in. He soon complained.

"The handle is busted Gin-san, what the hell? Do you want to be robbed... I told you to get it fixed... no, I said it last week, no I'm not lying..."

Hijikata lost the boy's tirade after the door closed behind him. He chuckled to himself and went on to face the door in front of him with a lighter weight on his shoulders.

Mitsuba opened her door looking immaculate. She greeted Hijikata with a welcoming smile and it widened to a grin once he presented her with the flowers.

"Thank you so much, Toshiro-san! I was not expecting anything like this today." she said shyly, a shade of pink coloring her cheeks.

Hijikata felt his face warm likewise and tried to reestablish his composure.

"I'm sorry I didn't answer your invitation the other day. I've been busy."

"Oh, I see," Mitsuba complied, looking at the charming little bouquet "So these are apology-flowers."

Hijikata reddened in shame and stammered to clear his name but Mitsuba giggled.

"Don't worry Toshiro-san, I was teasing you!" she laughed "Please come in, let me find somewhere to put these."

He followed her inside the apartment and took off his shoes. He noticed Sougo's were missing and let out a sigh. An evening without Sougo was an evening of peace.

"Do you want to stay for dinner? I'm afraid I bought too much food again." Mitsuba said from the kitchen.

"No, I- I don't want to bother." Hijikata answered awkwardly. He wouldn't exactly mind if it weren't for Sougo's imminent arrival and who knew what else. Hijikata was too physically close to chaos to underestimate it. Some foreboding sense in him already urged him to be careful.

"Nonsense. Please stay, I insist." Mitsuba told him. She came back from the kitchen holding a pretty little vase where she had put the flowers. Hijikata was unable to refuse. He shrugged and she smiled, happy with his yielding.

They spent a pleasant evening exchanging news of their hometown, mostly from Mitsuba's part since Hijikata hadn't been there for years. They were interrupted a few times by a coughing fit which Mitsuba was hasty to disregard, stating it was only a cold. Hijikata overlooked it on account of the weather. He might catch one too if he kept dazing off in the rain.

Later on, Mitsuba busied herself with dinner and insisted once more that Hijikata stayed to eat with them. The plural meaning her and Sougo. Hijikata gulped nervously.

"Could you go next door and call him for me? I asked Gin-san to let him over since I was feeling a little sick and needed to rest. Sougo didn't want to, but he needs to play with friends and stop fretting over me all the time. I know he likes it there." she said with a smile.

Hijikata sat quietly in his spot looking dismayed. The TV colors flashed on his face giving him a grim profile. Mitsuba peeked out of the kitchen to encourage him.

"Come on Toshiro-san, I know you and Gin-san don't get along, but please don't be so childish. I already have Sou-chan to watch over." she said tittering.

Hijikata grunted and did as he was bid out of respect. He didn't want to disappoint her and throwing a tantrum wasn't his idea of charm either. His feet moved unwillingly and he left her apartment with a frown.

He couldn't believe how horrible the evening had turned out. Everything about Mitsuba's request was appalling. Hijikata didn't know where to begin. A million things stormed through his mind as he walked the short distance from Mitsuba's door to Gintoki's. His hands were sweating. He craved a cigarette. It was impossible not to be reminded of Gintoki's visit a week ago. Hijikata hadn't expected an ounce of the adventure  _that_  had been. Until the moment Gintoki rang at his door, Hijikata had been fine. He had been in control. Even after the ridiculous man had inexplicably helped him with his moving, Hijikata had remained safe. Whole. He wasn't so sure about that any more.

He rang on the door and listened to the commotion inside. He could tell a pair of short legs was coming. He just didn't know whose.

The teenage boy he had seen earlier opened the door. He looked tired and out of patience. Hijikata almost pitied him but he felt equally sour.

"Um, hello. Good evening. Can I help you? Did Gin-san do anything again?" the boy sounded wretched. Hijikata ignored the irony of the question.

"No, I'm here for Sougo-"

"What is it Shinpachi? I already told that old hag it wasn't me that broke the mail box. What does she want now?"

Hijikata's eyes widened as Gintoki got to the door. Bewildered, he fastened on the boy and let the name form on his mouth.

"Shinpachi..."

Shinpachi stared back at him with confusion and when Gintoki reached them he nudged him on the side.

"Hey Gin-san, it's a strange man." he whispered.

Hijikata felt his chest ache when Gintoki's red gaze fell on him with a smirk.

"Seems like he doesn't remember you, Hijikata-kun."

* * *

9 YEARS AND 7 MONTHS AGO

Hijikata was relaxing in the living room, sharing a well deserved beer with Kondo after a tough week of exams. His brain was sore from studying and his eyes red from lack of sleep. He only needed the right incentive to let his body collapse and it finally came along with Katsura's appearance at dinner. At his suggestion, the three of them ordered takeaway from Ikumatsu's shop, an abnormal acquaintance of Katsura as far as Katsura's acquaintances went. She arrived shortly thereafter, gave them a discount on the ramen and took off to finish her deliveries. Empty bowls soon decorated the living room's table top, plus half a dozen beer cans. Hijikata was full and pampered, ready to go to bed. However, the clean-up awaited him. Katsura had disappeared as quickly as had he surfaced and Kondo had drunk himself into a stupor to vindicate another violent rebuke from Tae earlier that day.

Hijikata went through his task with grinding teeth, the embrace of his futon the sole thing cheering him on. He was too tired to do much beyond that, so instead of dragging Kondo's sorry ass to his room he left him sleeping in a weird position on the floor. Afterward he trudged up the stairs, his body heavier with each step. He spread out his futon and fell on it with abandon. He doubted he would ever leave it again. His limbs were like lead. His eyes scorched under the lids. The nearest object was sent flying to the switch and the lights turned off.

Peace.

Or so he wished.

Hijikata was already in that state between wakefulness and sleep when in came Gintoki turning on the lights, dropping shit everywhere, making a ruckus, stepping ON HIM! Hijikata twisted like a snake and turned around in his futon, sitting up with the biggest scowl on his face.

"You want to be killed you fucking degenerate-!"

His outburst of rage was misplaced. It was not Gintoki trampling all over him but a tiny kid not even four years old. His eyes were sleepy behind his glasses and he looked a bit shocked at the angry man in front of him. Gintoki had covered his small ears in perfect timing to spare him Hijikata's gush of insults.

"Hijikata-kun you'll have to watch your language tonight, we have a guest," Gintoki announced, pulling back his hands "This is Shinpachi, Shinpachi this is my roommate Oogushi- I mean, Hijikata-kun."

Hijikata restrained a snarl and gave the kid half a smile. He wanted to punch Gintoki to hell and back, but he was too exhausted and desperate to lie down.

"Why is he here?" Hijikata grumbled. He hoped it wasn't some illegitimate child of Gintoki's or worse, a kidnapping. If it came with Gintoki it was sure to be trouble.

"His sister is working late, so she asked me to take care of him." Gintoki said. He pulled out his futon and dove into his clutter for extra blankets.

"You? Take care of him?" Hijikata mulled over the notion with distaste. Shinpachi looked lost.

"Yo Shinpachi hold this for me." Gintoki threw the boy a spare pillow he had dug out of the closet. The pillow collided with Shinpachi's small frame and he toppled to the side like a doll, landing not so gracefully on Hijikata's legs.

"Hey watch it!" Hijikata groaned. He helped the kid up but his concern was wasted on him. Shinpachi giggled with amusement.

"It's okay Shinpachi. Hijikata-kun isn't much fun." Gintoki pointed out.

"Shut up." Hijikata turned his back on the duo and lay down. He was done humoring Gintoki for the day. He just wanted some peace and quiet so he could rest.

It would still be awhile before he could get that.

Hijikata had his fists clenched under the covers, waiting for the troublesome duo to settle down, when a big mass lurched against his futon. He started and opened his eyes, wondering for a moment if fussing would be worth it. He looked over his shoulder and saw Gintoki's mess of silver curls much closer than he usually spotted it on the other side of the room, which was to say at least four feet away from him. Hijikata immediately twisted around to protest. Gintoki's stern back greeted him and it seemed wider somehow.

"What are you doing!" Hijikata hissed under his breath. He sputtered the back of Gintoki's neck in his fury, but it did little to assuage his urge to strangle him.

Gintoki turned around with annoyance. His shoulder failed to crush Hijikata's face by an inch.

"What do you mean, what am I doing?" he muttered in frustration "Was I gonna let Shinpachi sleep on the floor?"

Hijikata raised his head and scanned down the room to get the whole picture. Gintoki had joined both futons together to fit in the little kid and he had been very generous with the amount of blankets on their side.

"It's not my fault the room is so small," Gintoki whined "And it's certainly not my fault I had to sleep in the middle because you scare little kids!"

"Shut the hell up and stay on your fucking side, I wasn't the one who brought a kid with me! It's your responsibility." Hijikata muttered under his breath, gathering his covers to himself.

"No, you're already the fucking kid around here!" Gintoki snapped back.

"Gin-chan..." Shinpachi's faint voice interrupted their argument "The light." he moaned.

Gintoki nodded and groped the floor over his head for something to throw at the switch.

"I already used your Jump." Hijikata deadpanned.

The jape earned him an elbow to the chest as Gintoki got up to flick off the lights himself. The damage didn't stop there. Hijikata had barely finished his chain of low curses when Gintoki came stomping back in the dark, treading all over him. Hijikata tried to dodge the strikes but his movements were restricted. Like a worm, he contorted back and forth trying to snare Gintoki, which he ultimately did with the help of darkness. Gintoki stumbled in the sea of limbs and covers beneath him and fell over Hijikata with a thud.

"Shit, you broke my arm." Hijikata seethed.

"You fucking reek." Gintoki said with revulsion.

"Get off me, bastard- watch out, that's my- UH!"

All the air in Hijikata's rib-cage left him and he was assaulted by searing pain. Gintoki's knee had collided with his tenderest parts and sent them shriveling. Tears welled up in Hijikata's eyes and he curled into himself like a cat. His balls and brains throbbed with agony. His neck was mad with heat, but the cause of that swelter were not his aches. It was Gintoki burying his laughter on his victim, head tucked between Hijikata's neck and shoulder. It was a wonder Shinpachi slept undisturbed.

"You asshole..." were the only words Hijikata could articulate apart from whimpers. His pillow stifled the rest.

After a minute of petrified torment, Gintoki's laugh ceased and cold air returned to caress Hijikata's neck. The weight on top of him disappeared and Gintoki returned to his place between the two futons.

"Sorry, I couldn't see it, could I?" Gintoki said by manner of apology, though his voice was still full of mirth.

Hijikata ignored him. He breathed slowly and tried to contain his homicidal longing. He didn't know when or how but he would have his vengeance. He would be dead and buried before Gintoki got away with impunity. The damage done wasn't pardonable. Hijikata loosened his tense muscles and stretched out his legs, gradually unfolding from his curled position. As the pain faded, the room became silent. Only Shinpachi's deep breathing could be heard. Hijikata wondered if Gintoki had fallen asleep. He hoped he had, for the sake of his miserable life.

A hand came to rest on his side. Cold fingers touched the warm skin below his t-shirt.

Hijikata's heart jumped.

He turned around not quite knowing what to expect. It wasn't Gintoki's back he found again, but Gintoki's face at level with his own. Hijikata's insides quivered. They must have been an inch or so from each other. He slunk back considerably, aided by the silvery contours of Gintoki's hair. Even in the dark he could discern it. He could tell they were disturbingly close.

"What now? I'm really tired." Hijikata whispered, his desperation palpable.

"I was just checking if you were still alive. You got quiet all of a sudden."

Gintoki was so near that his voice vibrated all over Hijikata's skin. Hijikata couldn't measure how strange it was. He had never been in a situation like it before. His fingers held tightly onto his covers awaiting orders, but his mind drew a blank. His senses ruled. His eyes were black pools in the dark, struggling to perceive every black shade. The place on his collarbone where Gintoki had buried his head stung with fire. Even his scent threw him off. It was a nightmare and Hijikata begged to be released from it.

The hand Gintoki had withdrawn from his waist came to rest on his face. Hijikata wondered about the powers of the dark. How bold it made people. And how passive. He couldn't rouse himself to fight it.

"Hijikata?" the darkness called his name.

It might have been a trick of his mind, but something brushed against his lips and the illusive atmosphere shattered.

"I'm fine." Hijikata rasped.

He turned his back and wished for sleep.

*****

* * *

Shinpachi's eyes shifted from Gintoki to Hijikata in study.

"I'm surprised you remember him." Gintoki observed.

Hijikata glared, dismissing the rude comment, but a pang in his heart made him break eye contact. The stifling enclosure of their old room beset him. It constricted his throat and smothered every word striving to get out.

"Shinpachi used to stay with us when he was a runt. As you can see, he hasn't changed much." Gintoki added, prodding Shinpachi's back with his finger. The teen jerked and blushed in embarrassment.

"What are you saying Gin-san!? What a jerk! At least I'm not an irresponsible adult, I'm the one taking care of-"

"What's with all this fuss? Blahblahblah, I can't do my homework in peace!" a short girl came storming in. She forced her way between the squabbling duo and pushed them aside with her little arms.

Hijikata peered at her with curiosity. He remembered Gintoki mumbling something about a girl, but his brain had hardly registered anything sane during their last encounter. The panic of the situation had yet to leave him as had the imprint of so many other borderline events of his life where Gintoki was implied.

"Who's this?" Kagura asked flatly, her big blue eyes poring over Hijikata's figure "Are you cosplaying as Mamo-chan?"

Hijikata missed the reference. He opened and closed his mouth without anything to say.

"No, he is the garbage man. He came to collect our crap." Gintoki told her in all seriousness.

"Oh really?! Finally! Let me go get it, mister."

She scuttled away before Hijikata could stop her. He sent a murderous look to Gintoki, reigning in his tongue so he wouldn't lose his cool in front of Shinpachi. His past was shaming enough.

Kagura returned not a minute later dragging Sougo by his shirt. She wasn't so much dragging him as she was fighting him. They bickered to the front door, pulling hair and pinching each other until Kagura bumped into Hijikata and set to hide behind him.

"There, Garbage-san. I've brought out the trash, you can take it away." she pointed at Sougo and stuck out her tongue.

Shinpachi was livid, Gintoki snorted and Sougo lunged at Hijikata to get to her. The two kids spun around him viciously, Kagura laughing and Sougo whistling. Hijikata tried to put a stop to them before he fell on his ass.

"Hijikata the wet-nurse, I gotta get this." Gintoki sneered. Hijikata saw him take out his cellphone from the corner of his eye.

"Don't you dare." he warned. But his threat was meaningless. Kagura and Sougo pushed and pulled him around in their cat-and-mouse game while Shinpachi wrestled to break them apart. Hijikata could barely hold his balance.

"Now you know first-hand how tough my life is, taking care of these idiots all the time." Gintoki said with a sigh. He snapped a few pictures with the most boring look on his face.

Aggravated was an understatement to describe Hijikata's mood. It took a loud scream from what seemed like the depths of hell to put an end to the commotion.

"WHO'S MAKING ALL THAT RACKET UPSTAIRS!?"

Mitsuba stepped out from her apartment in alarm. All eyes fell on her with anticipation, except Hijikata who furrowed his brow. He was new to the skit. She walked to the railings of the staircase and went down a few steps towards the angry voice.

"I'm so sorry Otose-san," Hijikata heard her say gently "You too Catherine-san, I'm sorry. I was making dinner and forgot where I was putting my pan. I'm so clumsy today."

A few grunts of assent followed and Mitsuba heeded them.

"You're so right! I need to try that next time. I'm so sorry. Yes, good evening."

Then she came back up and surveyed the group with a subtle smile.

"You've done your share of trouble for today, I hope?"

Sougo walked over to her without a word. Something about her angelic face was terrifying. Kagura too let go of Hijikata's waist and fled to Gintoki's legs like a cub.

"You too Toshiro-san," Mitsuba beckoned him with the same hardy smile "Dinner is ready."

Hijikata's feet moved at once.

"Gin-san, thank you for taking care of Sou-chan. Good evening"

Both parties ate that night in proper form. Mitsuba's virtuous character had put them all in check.

The sky was heavy with clouds when Hijikata bade his goodbyes. The orange lights of the city stuck ominously to the dark grayish mass above him. He lighted a much needed cigarette as he climbed down the stairs and met a dark figure at the entrance. It was an old woman leaning against the mail boxes and rummaging the insides of her coat. She glanced at him when he passed by.

"Got a light?" she asked. Two of her long rugged fingers held a cigarette. Hijikata reached for his lighter and lit it for her.

"Thanks." she said puffing out a cloud of smoke.

"No problem."

Hijikata resumed his exit, wondering where he had heard her voice before, then she called him back. The slight raise of tone unmasked her. Hijikata recognized her as the deafening damper from before.

"You know the missy upstairs?"

Hijikata turned to her slightly surprised. He wasn't a big fan of gossip and he had no wish to to feed it.

"Yeah."

"Visiting an old flame, are you?" she asked. Hijikata searched her eyes in the murky atmosphere but he couldn't catch her gaze.

"Friend from back home actually. Good evening." he told her, hoping to have done with the chat.

"Terrible kids, aren't they?"

The answer was easy.

"Yeah."

But Hijikata regretted his reply as soon as he said it. He gave the old lady a brief glance over his shoulder. She had deduced he'd come to visit Mitsuba but she had asked him about the  _kids_  rather than just Sougo.

Hijikata shrugged his shoulders. It was probably nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Haha, Otose is a sly fox, isn't she? Reminds me of how hard it is to have a favorite character in Gintama. Btw I'm sorry this chapter had such a domestic flair, I don't know why it came to be that way (maybe it's just me). It was also mostly Hijikata's PoV because I thought it necessary after Gintoki's dumb antics on the previous chapter. Anw, thanks for the kind words and thanks for reading. I'll do my best to keep updating!


	6. The Landlady's Stray

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE ON THE TEXT: (*) means end of flashback.

Otose's steps were unusually silent. The wooden boards bent quietly under her feet as she walked towards Gintoki's front door, her timing precise. She never missed a soul going in or out of the building be them Kagura and Sougo jumping down the stairs, Shinpachi's hesitant comings and goings or Catherine's catlike gait. No sound went past her radar. Hence her visit had a clear purpose, one which eluded the ruminations of her tenant Gintoki, who was enjoying his Saturday morning alone, relishing in the tranquility of his home after Kagura had left early with Shinpachi to go visit Tae.

Gintoki closed his eyes in denial as soon as the doorbell rang. The natural order of things dictated he should spend his weekend catching up on his shows now that Gengai had fixed his TV. But few people were as relentless as Otose. She knocked on the door again and again until Gintoki could no longer ignore her.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming!"

He figured whatever it was couldn't be too bad since no one was shouting for him. He left the bathroom door open before answering, not disregarding the possibility of an emergency lockdown.

Otose's figure at the threshold gave him the creeps. She had a sake bottle under one arm and held two small cups in one hand. A cigarette smoldered between her lips.

"Move." she uttered walking past him.

Gintoki was too stunned to protest. He gritted his teeth, sent God a silent prayer and closed his front door.

Otose took a seat in his living room and placed the bottle in the center table. She poured herself a cup and drank it before Gintoki had returned to his seat.

"Oi oi, don't you think it's a little early to be drinking? You think your liver is some kind of wealthy godfather? Wait- don't tell me, did you get a new one?"

"Shut up and drink." she cut him off.

Gintoki was offered a small cup and Otose's eyes beckoned him to take it.

"What's this all about?" he wondered. The weather forecast distracted him for a second, his eyes shifted towards the TV, but the screen blacked out before he could read the headlines. Otose held the remote in her hand with impatience.

"Hey I was watching that!" Gintoki complained. His sake cup still untouched.

"Get me an astray."

Gintoki's mouth opened in disbelief. He could not believe he was getting this kind of dictatorial bullshit so early in the morning. The clock on the wall didn't even read ten yet! The ashes of Otose's cigarette held on with mastery, glowing eerily, threatening to fall onto the floor. Gintoki cursed. He got up and brought her the astray mostly to get away and put his thoughts in order. It had been a while since he and Otose had had anything resembling a civic conversation. Perhaps the deal with the mailbox had finally pushed her beyond her limits and she had come to enact some kind of punishment. Gintoki placed the astray in front of her and examined the sake cup she had offered him. Could it be poison?

"Thank you." Otose tapped her cigarette and the ashes fell.

"If this is about the mail box, it wasn't me. You know I don't even check it. I don't like bills," Gintoki said "and Sakamoto sends me strange stuff."

"We'll get to that later," Otose noted "You know very well why I'm here. You've been hiding it from me." she took a drag on her cigarette and the tip flickered. Gintoki frowned in confusion.

"Well that could be just about anything really." he replied with boredom.

"What about Mitsuba's guest? Let's start there."

A chill ran down Gintoki's back. He broke eye contact with Otose and peered down at his cup. It looked tempting.

"What about him?" he grunted.

"I met him last night when I went out to check the mailboxes." she informed him. Gintoki ignored the cold sweat breaking on his forehead. His will to elaborate on the subject was the same as his will to eat Sadaharu's hairballs if the dog ever spit them. Otose chuckled before speaking.

"Who knew you had such ordinary taste?"

Bile came up Gintoki's throat. He reddened, either from anger or embarrassment he didn't know.

"W-what?! The sake must be affecting your brain, granny! It ain't working so well!"

Otose pressed her cigarette hard against the astray and stood silent. She lit another one and faced Gintoki again, mouth hard and eyes gleaming.

"Don't lie to me, Gintoki."

Gintoki snorted and gulped down his cup. The strong liquor hit his empty stomach like gasoline and he pondered on swallowing a lit match next if his weekend dragged on in this manner.

"It's him, isn't he?" her question required no answer, Gintoki's silence was enough.

Otose poured him another cup and it went down as fast as the first.

"He knows Mitsuba, uh? What a coincidence," Otose mused "You really have shit for luck Gintoki. I'm glad I brought you some comfort."

Gintoki eyed the sake bottle with aversion. Otose's red nails contrasted against the green glass. He couldn't say the sake had been unwelcome, the burning sensation in his throat both sickened and consoled him. It was the subject of conversation that gave it a bad taste.

"So, when were you going to tell me?" she asked him after exhaling a big puff of smoke. Gintoki clicked his tongue and crossed his arms, leaning over the table.

"Tell you what? Why would I tell you anything? Who cares?"

"You already knew he was back," she said calmly "There had to be a reason you were acting weird," she paused to correct herself "well,  _weirder_  than usual. Going out to take Kagura to school? Nonsense. I should have seen this coming, you and me both." she sighed.

A moment of silence followed where Gintoki tried to turn on the TV with the power of sheer will.

"If you don't want to talk about it, I don't mind, suit yourself." Otose declared. Her jaw clenched and she avoided laying her eyes on Gintoki for the remainder of her smoke.

A bang on the door jolted Gintoki's numbed senses. He jumped on his seat and the indecipherable expression on his face gave way to a grimace.

"What is it now!?" he yelled.

"Sack-face! You home? Is Otose there? O-TOO-SEE!" Catherine belted out each syllable of her landlady's name.

"Look at the respect you fiends treat me with," Otose lamented, smoothing her casual kimono with a firm hand "Grievous."

At the door Catherine and a pale girl wearing a maid outfit waited for her. Gintoki followed and stared at the stranger with a deepening frown. The early hours of the day aggravated the peculiar appeal of her green hair.

"What's this? The maid-cafe is two blocks down. She lost or somethin'?"

Otose elbowed him in the stomach and he coughed out all the air in his lungs.

"This is Tama. I'm hiring her to watch over the building and do some cleaning around here."

Gintoki and Catherine looked at the fragile girl with skepticism. Gintoki, for one, asked himself if he would ever get to live in a normal place with normal people. Considering the lunatics that had piled up over the years, it seemed all he had ever done was trade one dump for another. As for Catherine, who knew what went on inside her head. She smacked her lips in distaste and shook her head, doubting the girl's aptitude for the task. Catherine wouldn't be the first nor the last idiot on the planet to judge someone on their appearance.

"I know who broke the mail boxes, Catherine. No need trying to fool me, you snoop! You have until the end of next week to pay me the repairs or from now on I'll have your correspondence undergo my scrutiny." Otose told her.

"Damn old hag..."

"I will double your rent, you ungrateful child!"

Catherine stomped away to her apartment in resignation, leaving Tama and Otose by Gintoki's door.

"And you," Otose turned to Gintoki "Behave."

Gintoki scoffed.

"Otose-sama?" Tama's soft voice prevented any silence to establish between them.

"Oh yes Tama, come with me. I'll show you how this hell hole runs."

Gintoki wished she had left him the bottle.

* * *

8 YEARS AGO

It was the clearest morning in weeks, the foulness of the district fought against the pristine air to utter defeat and the early hours invited a chill breeze. Otose lit her first cigarette of the day with guilt, its smoke a sin to the blue skies above. Her spirits were high. She could always count on nature to please her since humanity and it's degrading tiresome ways drained her on a daily basis. A long day of nitwit costumers and drunks awaited her.

Outside the streets were shrouded in darkness, ushered in the shadows of the district. By the time she got to the bar she hadn't crossed paths with a single soul. She entered through the back and closed the door behind her, eager to shelter from the cold. She busied herself with the store ledger and finished the previous month's accounting before opening hours fell upon her.

A strange shape by the front door caught her attention as she tidied up her bookkeeping. She glanced at the clock above the liquor shelf and grumbled. Her bar was no discount supermarket to secure a queue before hours, what the hell could it be? She unlocked the front door and peeked at the crouched figure on her storefront. She recognized the silver hair at once.

"For a moment I thought they had forgotten to take out the trash." she jested. Gintoki didn't reply. A stench of alcohol and smoke hit Otose's nostrils before she could infer anything further.

"Oi, Gintoki." she called his name hoping to get a reaction but it was in vain. Gintoki remained silent, head cast down, knees against his chest and hands deep into the pockets of his hoodie. A low, miserable moan came after a few more attempts at getting his attention. Otose exhaled. At least he wasn't dead.

"Get up and do yourself a favor," she said, pulling the collar of her kimono tightly around her neck "You must be freezing."

Gintoki's eloquence was below zero. He replied with a grunt and nestled closer to the storefront, resolute in escaping the cold in his own pitiful way.

"Gintoki, you are not sleeping on my front." Otose's statement filled her with determination. She stooped down, put one of his arms around her neck and brought him inside in a wobbly pace, struggling with his uncoordinated limbs which weighted more than a lady her age should burden herself with. She managed to seat him at a table in the back where he could have some privacy until he regained his bearings. Meanwhile, she went to prepare some snacks and open house.

Two customers had been served before Gintoki voiced his first string of coherent words. Otose brought him a glass of water and a plate of food and admonished him to eat.

Business was as calm as it ever was before lunch hours, functioning more like a tea shop than an actual bar. Her early customers tended to be people looking for a temporary retreat from the morning rush or retired old geezers acting as clogs in a machine they didn't belong to anymore. Thus reassured, Otose took a seat opposite Gintoki and kept an eye on the shop while examining her troublesome stray at leisure.

He was a mess. Otose could only guess the time he had spent out in the streets, sniveling and retching whatever contents had sought to stay inside his stomach, but his pink face derived from more than just the biting cold. Something must have happened to send him reeling through every joint that ever sold a beer. The smell of nicotine and cheap cologne told her as much. His eyes were red and swollen and his brows hung so low they might fall over. The occasional sniff and backhand nose wipe composed the perfect picture of misery, if not the coming of a serious cold. Perhaps Otose should have brought him a hot cup of tea as well.

"You have anything you want to say?" she asked him as he finished his plate.

Gintoki gulped down one last mouthful before meeting her eye.

"Thanks." he said in a rasping tone.

"You have rice on your chin, what are you? A five year old?" Otose chided, sensible to a fault. Gintoki wiped it off with a groan.

"Am I getting any explanation for this?" she asked him, though it might have been a question put to anyone listening "The last time I saw you like this was after a funeral."

The last word caught Gintoki's attention.

"No one died" he answered, head cast down.

Otose took out her cigarette pack. Unearthing Gintoki's purpose there was going to take a while so she might as well have a smoke. However, as soon as she flicked her lighter he called her out.

"Don't, not right now!" he pleaded. Otose stared at him, her thumb still on the flint wheel.

"Can't I smoke in my own shop?"

Gintoki's elbows found the table and he buried his head in his hands.

"It's complicated." he muttered.

"I hope you didn't get a girl pregnant, I can't help you with that." Otose said, feeling for the source of the problem. Few things could reduce Gintoki to this and Otose had no recollection of him forming any special attachment since Shouyou's death four years ago. Gintoki was known throughout the district as a jack-of-all-trades, but she knew his social circle to be small and the people who shared his trust few. There had to be some secret she wasn't aware of.

"No," he said "But I need you to help me with something."

"I knew that already." replied Otose compassionately. It only irked her that it had taken him so long to ask for it.

"I can't go back there," Gintoki said leaning back "I'm leaving and I need a new place to stay."

Otose didn't reply. The vacant apartment at her building sprang to mind, but she worried about Gintoki's reasons to leave the dorm. It seemed a sudden decision with no explanation whatsoever. Besides, the abrupt idea had to be connected with his latest drunken prowl.

"I can't get you anything cheaper than that shabby room you have." she told him.

"That doesn't matter, I'll pay." he insisted.

"With what? Pebbles?"

"Work, I'll work harder." Gintoki replied stubbornly.

Otose narrowed her eyes, skeptic.

"What about school? Who's going to pay for that?"

Gintoki's grim features softened for the first time and he smiled.

"I tried to keep that up but it didn't work, did it? It's time to let that go," he said as if bidding goodbye "I'm letting Sensei rest."

"He would have wanted you to finish your studies," Otose said gravely "Not give them up so you could get out of that shitty dorm on a whim."

Her mouth was a thin line, compressed and irresolute. Gintoki fell back into silence, which was odd. She expected him to fuss and roar about it until she complied.

"So it  _is_  a whim." she said with a slight emphasis, hoping to lay him a trap. Gintoki took it bait and hook.

"It's not a whim!" he exclaimed "I just can't go back there!"

"And how many times do you think I've heard you say that, Gintoki?" Otose replied patiently.

"This time I mean it!"

"You meant it when Takasugi left." she reminded him. Gintoki grunted and ran a desperate hand over his hair.

"Well, he left before I did," Gintoki reasoned, playing with the hem of his sleeve "And I don't grudge him that, I was piss poor at the time."

"You're piss poor now." Otose muttered between gritted teeth.

"Not that poor!"

"Gintoki, I have customers," she said, glancing at an elderly couple that had just come in "Go home and take a shower, I don't have time to sit here indulging your hangover babbling."

"Wait." Gintoki rose after her, grabbing her arm. Otose sat back down, her patience running out.

"I can't pay that room anymore," he said "My roommate left, now it's  _empty._ "

"So what? Get a new roommate, that was never a problem for you. You even let that big foreign weirdo stay there..." Otose lost the rest of her words. Gintoki had his gaze fixed on the empty plates in front of him, aloof and distant. An experienced bartender would say his heart was broken. A mother would cast the thought aside and protect her child. Otose had to stick with disciplining her stray.

"So it's not about the money?"

"No. I just need to get out of there." Gintoki nodded.

Otose flicked her lighter, sending Gintoki a glare not to disturb her smoking again.

"Who was your roommate?" she asked after inhaling "That kid with the blue eyes, right? He wasn't from these parts, was he?"

Gintoki shrugged.

"You can drop the act, Gintoki. Didn't you spend last summer with him? I remember you going around telling Otae's little brother all about the bullet train and the farms. The southern country isn't that bad-"

"What does it matter," Gintoki snapped, unable to prevent a loud sniff "Can you get me a place or not?"

Otose put down the cigarette. Only the tip burned.

"Come by after hours with your things," she told him "and wipe that ugly look off your face. People will think I'm running a charity here."

*****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I had to cut this chapter short because I didn't think the rest would fit in very well with the overall mood. Also, beware of the timeline. I did jump a bit forward in this flashback. As you can see, things are unraveling slowly and there's a few turning points in Gintoki and Hijikata's past I'll be revealing soon. Please bear with me. Thank you so much for reading and leaving encouraging reviews!


	7. Rules Are Meant To Not Be Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE ON THE TEXT: (*) means end of flashback.

It wasn't often that Kagura arrived home alone, banged the front door shut and locked herself in the bedroom. Gintoki didn't like to acknowledge any behavior that might signal her impending puberty. He had faith her real father would show up before then and that he, Saint Gintoki, would be spared the agony of suffering another teenage maelstrom in his life. Kagura's strange mood could only be explained by one of two things: she was jealous of something a rich kid had that she hadn't, or she had done some irreparable stupid thing that had cost her her reputation at elementary school. Gintoki entertained these two possibilities till Tae came in huffing and puffing after Kagura, almost destroying what was left of the front door following Kagura's initial strike.

"I'm gonna kill that girl..." Tae muttered angrily under her breath. Her blood boiled and her nostrils flared. Her shoes had slid off her feet with such ease they might as well have melted.

Gintoki thought it wise to divest himself from his sluggish position on the couch, not wanting to fuel Tae's anger or give her any reason to shift her rage towards him. He kept his eyes glued to the TV screen and let her pace a few minutes in front of the bedroom while she cooled off. The few threats that escaped her mouth made his skin crawl. He pitied Kagura.

"Tomorrow you are coming with me to apologize to every single one of them! Their mothers too! Don't you think I won't hold you to it!" Tae sat down beside Gintoki after her ultimatum and glared at the center table in front of them.

"You're not gonna offer me anything to drink?"

Gintoki looked around in search of a miraculous secret cabinet where he might stash his booze but there was nothing of the sort. He shrugged his shoulders and changed channels.

"There's tap water." he mumbled.

"Then get me some tea," Tae replied, nodding towards the kitchen "Come on, move it!"

Gintoki got up with a heavy sigh and went to put the kettle on. Once up and about, he was more than glad at not having to share any proximity with the eldest Shimura. Her bad temper didn't agree well with his bowels, nor with his headache. He ought to call Shinpachi to take her away but he knew Tae wouldn't leave without giving him a piece of her mind. Whether Gintoki wanted to or not, he would not rest today before getting the full account of Kagura's misdeeds. And then some.

"It's all your fault, you know? Kids follow the example of their parents, she sees the miserable excuse you are for a human being and thinks it's okay. She just follows suit!" Tae began agitated, holding the TV remote with a crushing grip "It's not the first time I've gone to pick her up and found her fighting with the other kids, and it's certainly not the first time I've been mistaken for her mother, which I'm not! I'm not even twenty-six yet! I already have Shin-chan to worry about! I've gone through all this before with him and he wasn't even half the trouble she is." Tae took a pause to breathe and touch-up her makeup.

Gintoki's ears were full of wax. He focused on the bubbling sounds coming from the kettle, wondering if he should bring Kagura some tea as well.

"If I hadn't been there today I wouldn't insist on going tomorrow to apologize to the other moms, but you should know it falls on you! It's you who decided to keep her and be her guardian while her good-for-nothing father disappears whenever the hell he wants," Tae continued, putting her small makeup kit back in her bag "I don't even know how you get yourself mixed up in these things."

The wrinkles in Tae's forehead disappeared as Gintoki brought her the tea. She took a cup and sipped with eyes shut, desperate to regain back her composure. She was silent for a few minutes, drinking away. When she cleared her throat and spoke again, Gintoki was happy to hear her calling him by his name. The worst was over.

"Gin-san, I hope you have listened to everything I said. Please go talk to her and tell her she has to come to school tomorrow and apologize. It's what a lady should do," she put down her cup and stood up "I have to go now."

Gintoki followed her to the front door eager to see her out.

"Ah, Shinpachi said to tell you he won't be coming this week because he has to study for his tests."

"Sure." Gintoki nodded reluctantly. Tae wouldn't be Tae without impositions. He was about to close the door on her face when she held it back, her grip like a steel claw.

"I'm counting on you, Gin-san." were her last words before leaving.

It took all Gintoki had not to break what remained of his front door. He stomped back into his apartment dying for a distraction. He had one waiting for him, pigtails and all, orbiting the tea tray and snacks.

"Oi, oi, o-oi," Gintoki's voice quivered "You gotta be kidding me, get your hands off!"

"B-but... Gin-chan..." Kagura turned her best puppy eyes towards him, a move hard to ward off.

"What have you done now? I told you to ask the other kids first if you wanted their lunch." Gintoki moaned tiredly. He buried himself in the couch and filled his mouth with a handful of tea snacks. His voice was hoarse and the disappointment ringing in it made Kagura hunch her back. She poked a salty cracker with her finger, head bent down in shame.

"Doesn't look like anything good," Gintoki said. Kagura was silent.

"Want me to take you to school tomorrow? Shinpachi can't go. He's too busy studying." Gintoki had to hold back clicking his tongue. Kagura nodded meekly.

He took a deep breath, not knowing what to do or say. He hated seeing Kagura quiet and unreceptive. He would have been fine with a shrug, screaming, hair-pulling. Anything.

"You shut yourself there awhile," he tried again, alluding to her previous bedroom retreat "Have you done your homework at least? Tae is gonna kill you  _and_  me if you don't."

Kagura poked a hole in the cracker and shook her head.

"Then get on with it and spare us another go from the gorilla woman."

Kagura shook her head. Gintoki groaned.

"It's either that or spilling it out."

Kagura shook her head again.

"Neither of those options include playing with your food, oi!" Gintoki scolded and pulled back the plate of crumbling crackers. Kagura crossed her arms defiantly and looked the other way. Some of Gintoki's stubbornness had rubbed off on her alright.

"Fine!" he rubbed the back of his neck, distressed with his lack of options. His own inadequacy weighted on him and he cursed the day he had allowed this impromptu-family arrangement to happen. He only had one choice left at this point.

"Stay here, I'm gonna call Mitsuba-"

"NOOOO-!" Kagura lunged for his legs as he walked past her. Her weight threw him off and Gintoki fell face first onto the floor. A surge of pain added to his already nagging headache and he howled in misery, clutching his face.

"Gin-chan! Gin-chan! No! Not her! Noo, NO!" Kagura begged at his feet, her whole body entwined in his legs. He had to pushed her off with his free hand, mumbling whatever comforting words he could.

"Ohfkaywewonthgow-Kagulah, Kagulah, KAGURA!"

"Please don't take me there, Gin-chan! I'll do anything! I'll apologize to Anego! I'll eat all the crackers! I'll do my homework! Please not there!" Kagura swore by his knee, drool staining his pants.

"Okay, we won't go there. Just get off, go eat the crackers!"

Gintoki managed to get Kagura off him with his last order. She crawled back to the couch and wiped her snot and tears before beginning her busy chewing. Gintoki stumbled back up and noticed a trail of red on the back of his hand. His nose was bleeding.

"Shit."

"Bad word!" Kagura said in alarm, pointing the TV remote at him. Gintoki rolled his eyes and grunted, happy at least she was back to her usual self.

"I think I broke it." he mumbled, touching his nose lightly.

"I'm sorry Gin-chan." Kagura apologized. She set down the empty plate of crackers on the table and hugged him by the waist "I'll call Shinpa-"

"No, it's okay" Gintoki stopped her. He would rather die and have his nose fall off than bother another Shimura with his problems today. Yet, he didn't have much at home to fix a broken nose other than tap water and going to the old hag was out of the question. Gintoki could still feel the mental hangover from  _that_  conversation.

"We're going out," he decided "The tea's gone cold any way."

Tama was sweeping the landing floor when Gintoki and Kagura went out. Her dedication was baffling. She wore her maid attire as pristine and neat as the first time Gintoki had laid eyes on it, her green braid shone in the sunlight and not a drop of sweat glistened above her brow. She was the poster girl for duty and innocence, sure to make another dent on Gintoki's soft side. He couldn't be wary enough of her. He feared being a pure clean freak wasn't the only task Otose had entrusted her with.

"Hello, Kagura-chan, Gin-san! Oh-!" Tama's peaceful expression turned to worry once she noticed Gintoki's red nose "What happened to your face? You're bleeding. There's a stain on your shirt, I can wash it-"

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'll take care of it." he brushed her off and made it straight for the stairs.

"I can help if you-"

"No, we are late for my appointment with the vet." he replied, swiftly disappearing behind the stairs. Kagura followed close behind him, looking over her shoulder in the direction of Mitsuba's front door.

"Shut up you idiot, she's gonna hear us!" Kagura whispered by his ear, pulling him by his hoodie.

Tama followed both of them out of the building, eager to be of service yet bereft of any opportunity. They left before exchanging another word. Sadaharu came to sit beside her, sad to see his owner go without so much as a pat on the head. Tama caressed his fur pitifully, letting out a sigh.

"Otose-sama won't like this."

* * *

Ikumatsu's shop was closed while the staff kept busy in the kitchen preparing for dinner time. She met Gintoki and Kagura by the front and welcomed them in with a big scowl, which was only forgotten on account of Gintoki's somewhat disfigured face.

"This is a ramen shop, not a hospital." Ikumatsu told him bluntly.

"Kagura was hungry." Gintoki replied, confident in his pretext.

"I think I'm gonna die.." Kagura said with a melodramatic swoon. No respectable adult would have ignored the plight of such a cute little girl, Ikumatsu included. She gave both idiots a faint smile and let them in.

"They're almost done back there, I'll tell them to bring you a bowl." Ikumatsu said while helping Kagura sit at the counter stool. Kagura grinned in return and swung her legs happily from the tall seat.

"Now you come with me." Ikumatsu led Gintoki to a back room and brought out the first-aid kit from the kitchen "Can't remember the last time I saw you around here," she said with a tinge of amusement "What happened?"

"Kagura tackled me and I fell. Your place was the nearest cheapest thing." Gintoki said, averting his eyes.

"Let me look at this then." Ikumatsu tilted his chin up, forcing him to look her way. His stubble grazed her fingertips.

Ikumatsu was an attractive woman. Pleasing face, blond hair, nice eyes. Even her nature recommended her: polite, hardworking, caring. Gintoki couldn't fathom how Katsura had even stumbled upon her in his shady reclusive life. It seemed a waste to have a woman like her tied to a ramen shop, sweating day and night to feed the useless pigs of the town and burning brain cells listening to Katsura's crazy ramblings. Nevertheless, every pore of her seemed content and Gintoki couldn't pinpoint a single day when she had looked anything but at peace. He envied her more than he might lust after her. And he loathed the fact she might perceive that. Her honest, clear gaze pierced through him. He almost regretted coming to her for the patch-up.

"It's not bad, I'll just clean the blood and give you something for the swelling. This might sting." she warned.

Gintoki winced as she applied a cold compress to his battered nose. He hissed at the contact but soon the coolness gave him relief.

"I expect a hot bowl after all this suffering you're putting me through." he grumbled.

"Don't push it, even my employees are starting to resent your tab." she reproached him, applying a bit more pressure than needed. Gintoki yelped.

"Alright! I think it's fine now!"

Blame Ikumatsu's good heart, another bowl of steaming hot ramen was brought from the kitchen and put on the counter. Gintoki sat beside Kagura with a grunt, her own bowl already finished and licked.

"Gin-chan I'm sorry for fighting with the other kids. I'm sorry for everything. I didn't mean to hurt you." Kagura mumbled gloomily. Gintoki looked at her from the corner of his eye while blowing the steam off his ramen. She seemed repentant enough.

"You're still going to school tomorrow and you're gonna apologize 'cause that's what a lady does, or whatever." Gintoki told her, echoing Tae's words. He noticed Ikumatsu watching them from the kitchen entrance and color rose to his cheeks "Just do as Tae says, ok?"

"Yeah." Kagura nodded.

Gintoki finished his ramen in silence while Kagura went to help Ikumatsu open shop.

"Sorry for the trouble," he told the older woman when she came to take his empty bowl "And thank you. I'll pay you back."

Ikumatsu stopped a moment to think.

"Would you mind doing me a favor then?"

"Does it have anything to do with Zura?" Gintoki replied dryly "'Cause if it has then I'd rather not."

"He forgot a few things last time he was here. I think they are important, let me go get them."

Gintoki stayed rooted to his spot, trying to ignore the itch on his nose. He had lied to himself thinking he could leave the place without getting involved in one of Zura's predicaments. Ikumatsu returned with a leather bag filled with papers and books. She handed it over to him and Gintoki almost let it fall to the ground unaware of its weight.

"The hell is this?!" he exclaimed, swinging the strap over his shoulder.

"Work I expect. He's been holed up at college all week and I've been too busy to go there. Please take it to him, it might be important."

Gintoki nodded and reassured her he would go after she forced him to promise on it.

"And don't be angry with Kagura-chan, she's just a girl after all." Ikumatsu added with a smile.

Gintoki frowned confused and saw Ikumtasu give him a wink before resuming her work. He had definitely missed something.

While he contemplated the meaning of Ikumatsu's words on the sidewalk, Kagura was already marching her way home a dozen feet away. Her good spirits had returned after gobbling down Ikumatsu's ramen and, Gintoki suspected, having Ikumatu lend her an understanding ear. She was skipping down the street, no awareness or worry, when she bumped into a tall brooding figure.

"Oi! Watch where you're goin-!" she stopped her fussing when she recognized the face above hers "It's Garbage-san!"

Gintoki heard enough words to catch his attention but it was only when he looked in Kagura's direction that he submitted to the situation completely. Hijikata did that to him always, against his will.

"We have nothing for you today, Trashman." Gintoki blurted out. The contrast was too much for him to handle at the moment. Hijikata in his sharp suit, straight out of his big-shot police office, going home to his fancy apartment, filled with fancy furniture and the fancy view. Gintoki wanted to hurl. The stubble on his own face, which hadn't bothered him ten minutes ago, felt like it was consuming his flesh. His swollen nose, considered a national catastrophe by now, throbbed and ached for a bag of ice; his whole body requested a heavy dosage of pain killers to assuage his existence. To add up, Gintoki had the unfortunate impulse to look at a passing car and check his reflection in the shiny windows. His confidence plummeted to the ends of the Earth.

"Did she fix it for you?" Hijikata asked. Gintoki turned to him with a furrowed brow. He had been expecting a jab or a sneer. He barely got the question.

"What?"

" _Her_." Hijikata answered, nodding in the direction of Ikumatsu's shop.

"Yeah." Gintoki replied absentmindedly.

"Couldn't get through the door, uh?" Hijikata joked and took a long drag on his cigarette.

There it was, the jab. Gintoki couldn't help snorting. It suited Hijikata better than some half-assed inquiry after his health. Gintoki was surprised he even remembered Ikumatsu at all.

"What a laugh, right?" Gintoki wanted to smile but his self-consciousness stopped him.

"You're always pretty much a laugh."

"And you always walk over to this part of town for a laugh?" Gintoki gave himself a mental pat on the back for the comment, his lips turned up smugly, but Hijikata's stunted reaction undid his merry boost. A burning iron seared his gut.

"I-I went to check on Mitsuba, heard she was sick." Hijikata replied, anxious to get rid of his flush.

"Guess we're all cursed on this side of the rainbow." Gintoki said somberly, the butterflies in his stomach dissipating. Kagura tugged on his arm more keenly now and Gintoki took after her.

"Time doesn't stop for the kids," he said "See ya."

"Bye Garbage-san!"

Gintoki resumed his walk, following Kagura's eager steps home, but a hand pulled him back. Gintoki's nose twitched painfully with the sudden turn. Hijikata's clear blue eyes zoomed in.

"Is she..."

Their bodies were in close contact. If Gintoki looked down he could probably peer down Hijikata's shirt collar and catch a glimpse of the smooth perfumed skin underneath. But most of what he saw was Hijikata's grip on his forearm and most of what he smelled was smoke. He didn't even register his words. The butterflies made a sterling comeback.

"What did you say?" Gintoki's voice was barely audible. His eyes went up and met Hijikata's and for a second the world stopped. Hijikata's stare lowered and so did his. Gintoki licked his lips in anticipation, a breath caught in his throat.

"Nevermind." Hijikata shrugged and pulled back, leaving Gintoki standing still against the wind.

* * *

The bedroom went dark after Kagura switched off the lights. She hopped over to her futon next to Gintoki's and dove under the covers. He was already lying down with an ice pack on his nose, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in.

"Can I get an ice pack too?" Kagura asked.

"What for? You think you'll need one for tomorrow after Tae gets you from school?" Gintoki rambled. He always did when he was unsettled.

"No, it just looks fun." Kagura replied with a pout.

"I'll let you play with this one when I'm done with it."

"No way! It's gonna be all smelly and dirty!"

"And watery."

"And watery!" Kagura repeated after him.

"Kinda defeats the point then, doesn't it?"

"Gin-chan?"

Gintoki hummed in reply, noticing Kagura's change of tone.

"Are you still angry with me?"

"About what?"

"Your nose. I'm-"

"No. Just go to sleep. My nose won't heal if you keep apologizing to it."

"But you've been weird." Kagura complained.

"Me weird?" Gintoki scoffed "You're the one going crazy at school and running from Tae. I thought you had a death wish when I saw you rushing in this morning."

Kagura fell silent.

Gintoki cleared his throat to get rid of the guilt. He had no way to tell her the real reason why he was tenser than usual. He loathed to even admit it but he couldn't handle the paranoia permeating the afternoon's turn of events, namely the secondhand smoking that came after the swollen nose and the bowl of free ramen. It had been too close an encounter.

"Are you going to tell me what happened or what?" Gintoki said, desperate to end the subject.

"Okay..." Kagura mumbled, pulling the covers up to her nose "The kids at school were making fun of me."

"So? Did you make fun of them back?" Gintoki replied, his logic pretty solid.

"No."

"Why not? What did they say?"

Kagura groaned and hid her head under the pillow. Gintoki felt his eyelids grow heavy. He was too tired to argue. Kagura's elementary school skirmish floated aimlessly in his mind.

"They said a boy likes me."

Gintoki's eyes jolted open with surprise. The dark room lightened somehow. Gintoki had to contain a laugh and a frown at the same time. He shifted to look at Kagura but he could only distinguish a lump in her futon. Her shyness amused him.

"So what?" he replied nonchalantly. Kagura's head resurfaced.

"I don't like him!" she declared offended "I hate him!"

"Good. Then that's the end of that." Gintoki stated. The lesser deal they made of it the better. He didn't want Kagura to obsess over it and drive everyone insane. Besides, he felt a bit embarrassed having this kind of talk with a nine year old.

"But I really really really really really don't like him, Gin-chan!" Kagura insisted. She had left her cocoon in the covers and crawled over to Gintoki's futon "Why did they say that? Can I send Sadaharu after them? They deserve it!"

"Oioioi, Princess Mononoke are you going to school to apologize or to terrorize them?" Gintoki wondered outraged "Don't worry about it, after Otae goes there tomorrow they won't pick on you again."

"Will Anego protect me?" Kagura's eyes shone from fighting back tears of frustration.

"Yeah. Just tell her what happened." Gintoki reasoned, though his answer begged the question: who would protect the other kids from Otae? He tried not to indulge the thought.

Kagura nodded and slunk back into her futon without further objections. Gintoki adjusted the ice pack on his nose and heaved a sigh of relief, glad to have put the elementary school drama to rest. He closed his eyes ready to sleep but a couple of obtrusive recollections prevented him. A new light shone upon little snippets of his day and he was forced to reconsider the whole thing. Ikumatsu's comment for starters. It was obvious Kagura had told her the reason why she had been fighting at school. Maybe she had even told her who the boy in question was. The whole outburst over Mitsuba's made sense now too. Kagura wouldn't want to mention it in front of her demonic rival, Okita Sougo. He would have ammunition against her for ages, she would be old and wrinkly before he finally stopped picking on her and Gintoki would have taken the brunt of it. He could barely believe the amount of trouble he'd been spared. Or maybe, maybe Okita was...

" _No._ " The thought was so disturbing Gintoki rejected it aloud.

"Gin-chan shut up, bad dreams aren't real."

"No they aren't, right Kagura-chan? Right?  _Right_?  _Right_?"

Kagura snored.

Gintoki's thoughts inevitably spiraled down to his own messy life and he fell asleep wishing solutions came as easy for him as they did for Kagura.

* * *

9 YEARS AND 3 MONTHS AGO

Midday and the dorm was empty. Gintoki had returned from another quick job he had promised Hasegawa's wife, done more out of sympathy than anything else. He trudged towards the kitchen and nicked two cans of beer from the communal fridge, private property be damned. He deserved them.

The vacant living room tempted him and he plastered himself in front of the TV enjoying his solitude. His stomach growled with hunger but his sore muscles rooted him to the floor. Being alone had its disadvantages. His eyes fixed on the screen, glassy and out of focus, while his pricked ears sounded the house for any movement. No unfortunate soul turned up for him to lord over, but he heard noises upstairs. They came from his room. Gintoki scratched his chin in deliberation, wondering what the hell Hijikata was doing back so early.

His curiosity led him upstairs, hunger forgotten. He could do with a bit of banter at the moment to dispel the boredom.

"They kicked you out of college yet? I have a spare beer I might be persuaded to share- what the hell?" Gintoki's taunt fell on dumb ears. His jaw clenched and his brows furrowed.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, you sick woman!?"

It had been a while since Sarutobi Ayame had made an appearance at the dorm, at least to Gintoki's knowledge. After the last three hundred times he had caught her snooping around in his room, he had specifically asked Zenzou to warn him in advance whenever she followed him home.

"Ah! Gin-san~ I didn't see you there, how embarrassing!" she whimpered. She was sprawled over Gintoki's futon in the same position he had caught her smelling his sheets. He regretted not having stored his futon back in the closet earlier, but riling Hijikata with his lack of tidiness had won him over.

"Get out." Gintoki ordered. He walked over to her, willing to drag her out if necessary. A moan stuck in Sacchan's throat at his commanding voice.

"Oh no~ Gin-san!"

"Let it go." Gintoki kicked his pillow away and pulled back the sheets she was clinging to.

"No way! I've never been this close to Gin-san's drool before, you can't make me!" she cried out desperately with a smile on her face.

"Oh can't I? Can't I?" Gintoki sneered, his anger boiling.

"Yes you can! Make me! Make me!" Sacchan yelled in ecstasy. The sheets slid between her thighs and she squeezed her legs enjoying the friction.

"You fucking pervert, let go!" Gintoki gave the sheets a fierce tug but Sacchan persisted, moaning in response.

"Harder! Harder!"

Gintoki towed her by the sheets around the room, panic and rage firing him up. Her noises were beginning to fog his judgment and his hormones clogged his system. He looked down at her and saw her skirt had creased up, showing her panties. He threw his head back in despair.

"This isn't happening! Fuck off!"

He tripped on the mattress and lost his balance, bringing Sacchan down with him. They were in a compromising position, disheveled clothes and sheets between them, when Hijikata walked in. For a second Gintoki thought it was Zenzou coming to save him from his crazy deviant childhood friend but Hijikata was a million times worse. It didn't even compute in Gintoki's brain at first, nor did he see his face. He had a pair of breasts obstructing his view.

"Hattori!? Don't just fucking stand there, help me! Take this freak off me!" Gintoki exclaimed. He dodged a boob to the face and then he saw it, Hijikata's pale white face of stupefaction. Gintoki froze completely, his voice vanished. Sacchan noticed him go quiet and turned around in annoyance.

"Can't you see we're busy here?! Go away-!" she stopped mid-sentence once she acknowledged the stranger "Gin-san, who is this?"

His brain ignored the question. He had his eyes lost in Hijikata's stone cold gaze and his heartbeat drummed deafeningly without reason.

"I own half this room. You have one minute." Hijikata declared. His tone chilled the room and he stepped out to give them what little privacy they had left.

Sacchan stood up with a pout and straightened her skirt, her face red with fury. She didn't do shame.

"The fuck is it with him? How can you put up with this, Gin-san? I thought you were a sadist not a maso-"

Gintoki shoved her towards the door before her big mouth could do more damage. But she fought against him, digging her heels on the tatami floor.

"Ah, Gin-san, not so rough~"

"Just go back to the hole you crawled from, fucking perv! Get out!" Gintoki gave her shoulders one last push and she was out. He closed the door behind her and leaned his back against it for good measure.

He stood a while trying to catch his breath, his dignity waning. The last few minutes replayed in a blur. Hijikata's upset face was the only thing clear in his head. Anger and remorse ate Gintoki's insides. He hated it. Then the sounds of a flushing toilet resonated through the dorm, announcing Zenzou's long-awaited departure from the bathroom. A dozen veins popped in Gintoki's forehead. He wanted to kill the bastard for letting that deranged lunatic roam the house freely. While Gintoki had been in his room fighting for his life, the suffering fool had been in the crapper, most definitely reading Jump and contemplating the spasms of his rectum.

"That fucking bastard." Gintoki muttered, rubbing the strain off his eyes.

"That's my line, dumbass!" Hijikata came storming in, this time throwing his heavy school bag directly at Gintoki's gut and staggering him. Gintoki would've replied something nasty in return but the blow drove all the air out of his lungs.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Bringing a girl in here?! To our room? MY room? You know the rules, asshole!"

"That's rich... coming from you," Gintoki said, panting "We agreed about smoking too, but that doesn't stop your stupid ass from smoking all over the place! You think I don't notice, oi?!"

"You're really comparing smoking to stuff like  _that_!?" Hijikata exclaimed, pointing a finger towards Gintoki's futon in accusation. A slight blush rose to his face.

"It's not my fault!" Gintoki shouted in his own defense. He didn't even know why he felt so guilty. "Zenzou was the one who brought her! I thought no one was home and then I found her here, she's like a stalker or something-"

"You're not even denying it!" Hijikata cut him off.

"Why would I?! Nothing happened, so calm the fuck down Vegeta, your whining is draining my life force." Gintoki replied. He just wanted to forget the whole thing.

"My what?" Hijikata whispered in disbelief " _No_."

Gintoki had his back turned when Hijikata seized his forearm and pushed him against the wall. He had grabbed him so violently Gintoki heard his shirt rip where it met the sleeve.

"Shit! Are you fucking crazy? Look what you did to my shirt-!?"

"No more girls here, you hear me."

Gintoki heard him alright. He saw more than he heard though, given the sudden proximity. He lifted his eyes from the hole in his shirt up towards Hijikata's stern face. The blush had gone from his cheeks and his intense stare dug straight into Gintoki's soul. He hoped the wall swallowed him before Hijikata's hostility did.

Hope wasn't Gintoki's strong suit.

"Just us boys then." he said.

Hijikata's frown deepened, his fists curled and Gintoki expected him to aim one at his face at any moment. However, Hijikata's lips were closer and Gintoki's eyes couldn't pull away. He placed his hands gently on Hijikata's wrists and leaned in, led by Hijikata's stillness. Perhaps he was just as stunned as Gintoki was, just as insane. A part of Gintoki blamed the hormonal surge on Sarutobi's earlier advances, another part knew exactly what was happening.

A knock at the door made both of them jump. They broke away from each other, relishing the distance.

"Yooo, sorry about Sarutobi. I had to go to the toilet and left her alone. I really needed to, that one couldn't be stopped and I had to get one of the old Jump issues to help me with the pain, you know, it takes my mind off it. One of the old issues with HangerxHanger chapters, really brings tears to my eyes that-"

"It's your painful shits that bring tears to your eyes, you fucking idiot!" Gintoki cried out. His heart still going a million miles per second.

Hijikata slipped out of the room amidst their argument.

"Is he going out already? I just heard him coming in." Zenzou wondered confused.

"He's a moody bastard."

*****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: This took me the longest time, I'm so sorry! I spent a lot of time editing stuff out and pushing it to later chapters. I hope they'll turn out well. Once again there were a lot of domestic scenes in this one and I seem to be writing more about the female characters than the two main idiots. I don't think I'll apologize for that haha. As always, thank you for reading and giving me your support. It just makes it all worth it. Next chapter both Gintoki and Hijikata are gonna receive some very unsettling news.


	8. Adulthood Is Getting On With The News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE ON THE TEXT: (*) means end of flashback.

Night had fallen outside the silent apartment. Hijikata's dining table had yet to see any actual food. He sat at it with hunched shoulders, a cloud of smoke hanging over his head and papers covering the surface. Too soon had the barriers between home and office blurred in his life. An impartial judge would find no difference between the two spaces Hijikata dwelt in. Two months had passed since his move and he still had boxes stacked up high in various corners of the house. His mind could not fathom the existence of belongings. Not that he had many. His apartment functioned as his office away from the office. An arrangement he had no qualms with, considering he had nothing familiar to nurture there but work. Always work. After moving back to Tokyo it gave him peace of mind. His muddled thoughts found something to focus on and his feelings of anxiety a much needed outlet. Even if it meant a bleak life, it was imperative for him to steer away from the distractions of his personal life.

A knock came at the door. Hijikata sighed with a smile. At that hour it could only be Kondo.

"Thought you could do with a drink." Kondo greeted him, a grin on his face and a pack of beer under one arm.

Hijikata nodded and let him in. He appreciated these late night visits from his friend. Whether Kondo brought them something to drink or they went out for a pricey bottle of sake, moments like this were distractions Hijikata could live with.

"Oh c'mon Toshi, look at this place. You still haven't put these away?" Kondo teased him about the stacked boxes as he walked past them towards the living room. Hijikata bit his cigarette.

"I've been busy."

"I can see that!"

Apart from the boxes, clusters of paperwork were scattered throughout the apartment, piling up in the open kitchen counter, the dining table, the center table and finally, the floor.

"Want me give you a hand?"

"No, I'll get to it. Just..." Hijikata found it hard to explain. Every time he looked at his boxed life he felt a burn in his gut. He wanted to open those boxes and find something meaningful inside. Keepsakes, mementos, possessions that he might display at home and look upon occasionally to remind himself of the good times in his life. Instead, there was only paperwork. Boxes and boxes, years and years of avoiding the real issue. How scared he was of living his life, how the only thing he had ever committed to was his work. He had no rush to change. No rush to unpack. It wouldn't even be called that. Just archiving.

"Then get on with it. How are you going to ask Mitsuba over with your place looking like this?" Kondo cut in a cheerful tone.

A spasm of reluctance went up Hijikata's spine. He could not imagine Mitsuba there. He didn't want to. He barely lived there himself. Work, eat, sleep, that was it. Bare walls, dusty surfaces, empty shelves. Hijikata couldn't be bothered with the thought of a social life. He entertained no prospects of it. Hosting was so far removed from his list of priorities he would prefer to ignore it completely.

"How is she by the way?" he asked out of politeness, ignoring the jape.

"Feeling better. Sougo came by the dojo today and told me she went to work."

"The little runt."

"He's so big now, isn't he? I remember when he was just a baby, Mitsuba didn't know what to do with him!" Kondo gave a big laugh. He sat down in the couch and took two cans of beer from the pack, handing one over to Hijikata.

"How's the dojo?"

"Going fine. My Tae keeps all the kids in order, I don't have to worry. It's like being married, hahahahaha!"

Hijikata gave him a dead look of disbelief before taking a sip.

"You should stop by one of these days. We'll have a good ol' spar."

"Sure, I bet you and your lot could do with an ass kicking." Hijikata replied with a smirk.

"You just wanna torture the poor kids, Toshi. Don't be too harsh on them."

"If you don't push them hard they won't get anywhere. Have you won any regionals lately?"

Kondo gulped down his can of beer to avoid the question. Hijikata couldn't help but snicker.

"You're too soft, I tell you. You should let the girl train them."

"I can't, the last time I left them with Tae half the class quit. She's too fiery for them."

"That's how you find those who are committed."

"Oh, most kids these days don't commit. Their parents want them to learn the traditions but the kids just want to copy the heroes of their favorite mangas. I catch them sometimes on the backyard yelling 'bankai!' and all that nonsense. And it's worse when Yorozuya comes by, he likes to join and cheer them on, the bastard."

Hijikata's heart did a little somersault. He gave a nondescript grunt in reply and finished his drink.

"You have to be careful Toshi or you'll end up a sorry old wretch like him." Kondo's amicable nature softened the blow, yet Hijikata grimaced. The possibility frightened him. He hated when people brought up Gintoki in conversations. Rage just filled up his body and he didn't know who exactly it was aimed at.

"People only think he's an adult because of that little girl," Kondo carried on "Imagine that, old Yorozuya a father!" he burst out in laughter, though a compassionate one.

Hijikata managed a feeble smile, not finding the notion as ridiculous as Kondo might think. Hijikata had always known Gintoki to be good with kids, or at least prone to be surrounded by them. Even when his intentions were questionable and he took care of them for money, Hijikata couldn't deny he thrived in it. He might have made a career of babysitting if he didn't need someone to babysit  _him_  as well. Hijikata snorted at his own thought.

"Have you seen them together? She's really taking after him. Always getting into fights with other kids and Sougo, I can't have the two of them together in the dojo. I don't know how Yorozuya handles them."

A lump lodged in Hijikata's throat. The previous day flew by in a flash, particularly the moment where the same lump had choked his speech and Gintoki had been so close he could still remember the warmth of his breath on his ear.

"Is she..." the question fought to escape him once again "Is she his?"

Kondo looked at him for a second, a look of confusion plastered on his face.

"The little girl? Kagura-chan? Are you asking me if she is really Gintoki's?"

Hijikata nodded.

"No way Toshi! No way!" Kondo exclaimed "He is just her guardian! Do you think any woman would bother with Yorozuya?! He's a lost cause."

Hijikata wanted to vomit the relief shooting from the bottom of his stomach. He exhaled a big puff of smoke to cover it up. He couldn't tell how many hours of sleep he had lost fretting over such a trivial matter. Who cared if Gintoki had moved on with his life? Who cared how far ahead he had gotten?

"This isn't a stupid race." Hijikata spouted, not noticing his own muttering.

"Speaking of racing," Kondo cleared his throat, overlooking Hijikata's agitation. The sudden change of tone beckoned a serious subject. Hijikata's eyes darted to his friend with apprehension. "They've finally settled on a contractor for the new building," he said solemnly "And they're gonna tear it down."

Hijikata went pale.

"The dorm?" the two words came out of his mouth but he didn't hear himself saying them. Time had stopped and was ticking backwards fast.

"Yeah," Kondo's expression lost its usual delight, the gleam in his eyes vanished "I tried to dissuade him, but Itou can be a damn stubborn prick. There was nothing I could do."

The story went like this. Some four years ago Hijikata had arrived home late, all but dead and tired from a day of street work, when the phone rang. It was Kondo. He had been trying to get in touch all evening and he had massive news which entailed Itou and the dorm. The two words together in the same sentence made Hijikata want to puke all the shitty coffee he had drunk for the past two weeks. Kondo had passed the dorm business to Itou and sold him the property so he could focus a hundred percent on the dojo. Teaching was his true calling, he'd told Hijikata in delight, baffled by the epiphany. As dismal as the business sounded, Hijikata had been happy for his friend. Kondo's happiness seemed to him an extent of his own happiness, a special perk of their bond. Hijikata had congratulated him, no further questions asked. It had been the first time in a long while someone had talked to him about the dorm. The place had stayed buried deep in his mind until then. He had made it his number one objective after leaving that he would think no more of it and yearn no more for it. He had started anew. Whatever became of the dorm had nothing to do with him and neither had the people involved. However, the conversation with Kondo had left a sour aftertaste. Hijikata still remembered how slowly he had put down the phone. How uncertain he had felt about the whole deal. Itou managing the dorm sounded like a bad joke. Nevertheless, Hijikata soon forgot about it. His life distant from everybody ran on.

Living in a world where the dorm didn't exist had never crossed his mind. He couldn't believe he'd live to see the day.

But so it had come.

* * *

9 YEARS AGO

The warm night invited a smoke outside. The dark sky appeared uncommonly clear without the garish streetlights blurring its view. The ones by the road to the dorm had busted two weeks ago without any foreseeable date of repair, an outcome which Hijikata considered positive on the grand scheme of things. He could now spot a star or two if he squinted hard enough and be reminded of the endless starry mantle above the southern fields back home.

He was crouched in the backyard, leaning against the wall and enjoying the soothing spring breeze. The terrible weeds no one bothered to pluck comforted him. They weren't so distracting half hidden in darkness, with no sun bearing its sizzling rays down on them and no stale smell of hay stifling the air. The sound of footsteps reached him. He did not find it strange that someone had decided to join his peace, though the reclusive Katsura was the last person he'd expect.

A pair of socked feet in flip flops peeked out of the dorm's backdoor, followed by the rest of Katsura's body. He was decked in layers. Track pants, shirt, jacket and a soft scarf that failed to hide his undershirt. He had clearly missed the spring memo. He stepped out quietly, shoulders hunched and hair swaying as he turned his head left and right. He flinched when Hijikata spoke.

"Looking for something?"

"Didn't see you there!" Katsura gasped. He pushed back his shoulders to assume a less questionable look.

Hijikata had a brow lifted in wonder, fighting the temptation to frown at the man. The tip of his cigarette shone orange as he sucked in a breath.

"I'm looking for Gintoki actually." Katsura said. He crossed his arms and circled around the small destitute garden, hoping to find Gintoki lying somewhere in the dirt.

"Didn't see him today." Hijikata replied disinterested. What a swift way to sully his peaceful evening out.

Katsura insisted in further circles around the garden but he did not go back inside. After his fruitless search he stopped in the middle of the weeds looking in the distance. Hijikata presumed he had decided to stay to enjoy the pleasant night, no arguments necessary. He finished his smoke with a hum of contentment, his batteries completely charged.

He had gotten up, eager to stretch his legs and go to sleep, when Katsura broke his living statue performance.

"Has Gintoki been sleeping?"

Perhaps it was the careful way he asked it, as if a sole word might give away his fears, or the quick, almost imperceptible speed with which he said it, unable to gauge the right amount of emotion. Hijikata stopped, arrested by both curiosity and insult.

"What the hell are you implying, Zura?"

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura. And I'm not implying anything," he stated "Did he sleep last night?"

Once again the question fell restless on Hijikata's ears. What could he say? He didn't know half of what Gintoki did while wake, how could he know what went on when he was asleep? Hijikata was not his mother. Yet, in spite of his non-existent involvement with Gintoki's sleeping pattern, the question didn't sit right with him. Katsura had his back turned so Hijikata couldn't gather much from his expression. A gut feeling told him something was wrong.

Hijikata tried to tell himself he didn't care. It was late and he had burned the last cigarette of the pack. Getting involved would be a hassle and he could be misinterpreting the whole thing anyway. Katsura was a big fucking weirdo after all, living in a parallel universe most of the time, shut in his room and interpreting conversations in his own weird way whenever he showed up.

"Does he have nightmares or something?" Hijikata had no idea why he asked. It felt too awkward to leave without saying anything. Maybe small talk would appease Katsura and sate Hijikata's tiny, miniscule curiosity.

Katsura turned, but only halfway. Hijikata caught his stunned profile, his usual mellow expression beset by a pair of widened eyes. He was looking at something on their left. Someone had just arrived. Katsura stepped forward and called his name.

"Oi, Gintoki."

It was then Hijikata turned as well. He lost sight of Katsura to the bland night picture and focused on the source of light. Gintoki's silver curls shone and covered his eyes while the hood over his head hid the rest. He seemed to have brought a darker night with him. Murky and obscure. It ate the sounds of Katsura's feet crunching the weeds as he approached.

A tremor stirred inside Hijikata, a sense of helplessness assaulted him. He had never seen Gintoki like this. Glum. Defeated.

Then it dawned on him.

Katsura knew. He knew the reason why.

Katsura called Gintoki's name a few more times, desperate for his attention, but no response came. Gintoki brushed his hand away and kept walking towards the door. He stopped before going in, noticing Hijikata there merged with the night. Black t-shirt and dark jeans did the trick.

Hijikata felt his throat go dry. Speech temporarily erased from his brain.

Gintoki propped his forearm on the doorway, his hooded figure abnormal and intimidating. Time had slowed down to eternity, though not a minute had gone by since he'd shown up.

He turned to Hijikata, his unusual red eyes redder.

"You comin' up?"

He entered the dorm without waiting for a reply.

Hijikata gulped down the tension lodged in the back of his throat. The warm night had elapsed, a mere memory of the past. Goose bumps spread all over his skin. The spring wind blew cold. He urged Katsura for a thread, a piece of the puzzle so he could understand.

Katsura followed Gintoki with a heavy step.

"Death anniversary." was all the explanation given him.

*****

* * *

The scooter's motor revved as Gintoki drew near the college campus. He had half a mind to ditch the drop off and speed through to the other side of town, not caring whether Katsura got back his bag or not, but he had promised Ikumatsu to deliver it and thus was bound by his word. A sentimental part of him also recognized that after the last hectic couple of months he could do with a chat. It had been a while since he had seen Katsura. They had a lot to catch up on, mostly on Gintoki's predicaments since Katsura would only ramble on and on about his manuscripts and endless research on ancient history gone and done with; a fact listed under the reasons why Katsura was only bearable in small doses. However, the long intervals that separated their sporadic meetings helped keep their relationship alive. Apart from those boring conversations, Gintoki believed he might see Katsura more often were it not for his workplace. College had been written out of Gintoki's life in every way possible. Even now as he parked his scooter and walked to the main building, a sickness began to grow on his stomach. He tried to call Katsura on his mobile to get him out of his office, wherever the hell that was, but it just kept ringing. Knowing Katsura, he had probably lost it among books or forgotten it at home.

A nice lady at the front desk gave Gintoki a map of the campus and pointed him in the direction of the Literature Research Department. He regretted not taking his scooter with him. By the time he got to the first step of the Liberal Arts building he could barely remember what it was to live an idle life. He had nearly walked a marathon. His chest heaved, droplets of sweat formed near his hairline and he had to grip the rail of the front steps to keep himself vertical. A pair of students passed him by giggling, health oozing out of them, and another gave him a side glance before whispering to each other. Gintoki frowned. He pulled up his collar and smelled his jumper, sniffing out for booze and sweat. It seemed alright to him, but a big hand fell on his shoulder before he could go forth.

"Hey! Yorozuya! Funny seeing you here!" Kondo's laugh boomed across miles. Gintoki's efforts to blend in and sneak around until he found Katsura, which were pretty dire to begin with, collapsed. Every student in a ten mile radius had turned their head towards them.

"Gori." Gintoki greeted him dully.

"What are you doing around here?! It's like I've gone back in time!"

Gintoki tried to overlook that whole statement, finding the quantity of connecting dots overwhelming.

"I'm here to see Zura, what the hell are  _you_  doing here? The kids will think you're a parent or something."

"Hahahahahah! Always the joker," Kondo grinned "I came to have a word with the guys from the kendo club. See what I could do to help and recruit some over to our dojo," Gintoki cringed at the word 'our'. Tae would enjoy that exceedingly, to the point where he would have to start calling her The Punisher, "Then I thought, why not stop by and give Zura the news? He'll tell you all about it. I've go to go now, I'm running late. Nice seeing you Yorozuya!"

Gintoki waved him goodbye without spilling another word. He didn't want to give Kondo an opportunity to stay babbling, two morons in a single day was too much for him. But his premature departure left Gintoki with a bitter taste in his mouth. Usually the gorilla man didn't have much to say of interest and Gintoki willed their conversations away, yet this time he had spoken of news and not expanded on them. It was odd to say the least.

After asking a few people for directions and following signs, Gintoki eventually found his way to Katsura's room, a small office lost in the Literature Research Department with the words  _History Research Associate_  on the door.

"Oi, Zura you here?" Gintoki didn't bother to knock, he dove right in. The pooling dread in his belly returned, his sticky palm on the door handle adverted him and he closed his eyes as he opened it. Too many memories barged in. The scent of hundreds of books enclosed in a tiny space, the hum of the old computer, the echo of his footsteps consumed by the thick atmosphere of the room, so full of stuff, so full of life. When Gintoki opened his eyes he almost saw Shouyou sitting behind his desk with that eternal smile chiseled on his face. But then he blinked and Katsura popped up. His hair cut short, not long. Black, not light brown. A thin line in place of a smile.

"Gintoki?" Katsura's eyes left the computer screen and locked on Gintoki with surprise.

"I have a delivery for you," Gintoki said, pulling the leather strap over his head "Ikumatsu asked me to give you this, I owed her one." he dropped the bag on Katsura's desk, dislodging a mountain of useless stationary.

"This place is worse than your old one." he observed.

"Which one?"

"The one you had before you became part of the faculty. Your nerd cave," Gintoki clarified. He pulled back the seat in front of the desk, dusted it off and sat down "I'm dead tired. I'm gonna have to stop by Ikumatsu's and demand another ramen for all the work I had just to get here. Now I get why you kinda live in this place, Zura. If I had to walk what I just did every day I would camp here. You must have a kitchen somewhere too, right? With a microwave and a fridge? I saw a dozen vending machines on my way here. You don't need anything else, trust me. You probably even have showers and, if you don't you can go without for a few days until you feel strong enough for a stroll to the bath house. Forget the mold and the stuffy smell, I'd live here. You don't even have to pay rent-"

"Gintoki, we don't have showers," the quiet man interrupted him. He leaned back on his chair, deducing Gintoki had come for more than a delivery given his chatty mood. "I've a lot of work to do, I'm preparing a lecture for tomorrow so thanks for bringing this back", he pointed towards the bag and then started shuffling through it "I was actually looking for these!" he exclaimed with a comical degree of seriousness "Why didn't you bring it before, Gintoki? Are you an idiot? You should have called me!"

"Oi, oi, are you joking me?!" Gintoki sneered "I did try to call you but do you have your phone with you?" he answered before Katsura could search his pockets "No! Of course you haven't. And I didn't bring it before because I was busy! With life! My life!"

Katsura kept searching his pockets for his phone without success. Instead of admitting defeat, he changed subjects.

"What life? Reruns of Wan Piece? Didn't you buy the DVD set a while ago? I saw you leaving the store-"

"What? Are you my stalker now? Piss off, Zura. And no, I wasn't busy with One Piece. I'm not even rewatching Luffy-kun at the moment. Didn't you know? Goku is back. I'm rewatching the good old Dragon Balls-"

"Please Gintoki," Katsura sighed "You're so predictable, even in your choice of entertainment."

"Whatever!"

"So what do you want? I don't even need to explain how shocking it is to find you here. I think it's the first time you visited me here," Katsura said, a sudden solemn silence rose all around them "How does it feel? Is it similar? I only entered Sensei's study a few times so my memory's not very good."

"It's fine." Gintoki replied. It might be similar, bookshelves all around them, books piled on the floor, mold on the walls, a potted plant here and there, cushioned seats. But without Shouyou it was just another stuffy room.

"It takes a while to get here and you clearly didn't get lost. So you had to resort to the help of your fellow humans, how was it?" there was a slight note of amusement in Katsura's voice.

"Are you trying to make a NEET joke?" Gintoki responded defensively "I'm sick and tired of my fellow humans to tell you the truth. They appear out of nowhere wherever I go, they're rude and loud and give me headaches. I bumped into that fucking gorilla on my way here!"

"Oh yes, we talked. He was here just before you."

"I know that!" Gintoki replied frustrated "He said he had some news. What was that all about?"

Katsura shrugged his shoulders and swiveled his chair towards the computer.

"Nothing major, I think it was something about the old boarding house being demolished. I thought the permits had gone through a few months ago, so it was a surprise for me. I didn't know it was still up. I heard they're gonna build an office building there or was it a parking lot? I can't remember, the last person I..."

Gintoki didn't hear the whole rant. His attention focused on the dorm being demolished and nothing else. The news seemed surreal, something that was happening in another planet. His first thought was to go there at once. Their room. Breathe it in one more time, touch it one last time. Save whatever he could in his memory until the storage was full. His second thought was to not go there at all. He had to be a fucking masochist to go plunge back into it. Besides, their room wasn't theirs anymore. How many penniless creeps must have lived there by now? How many desperate students must have made those four walls their whole world? Fought with their roommate, laughed with them, made friends? It didn't reek of tobacco and sugar anymore. The stains of strawberry milk on the tatami mats had probably washed away. It was just another cheap room.

"-have you seen him or not?" Katsura's voice came back to him as if Gintoki had just emerged out of deep water.

"Who?" Gintoki could only guess who Katsura was talking about. He might as well get it over with "Yeah, I have so what?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"About the dorm? No. You actually think he'd tell me anything? He's a tomb that guy. He's probably rejoicing-"

"Gintoki stop being so childish. Of course he has reasons for rejoicing, he's the contractor after all."

"What?" Gintoki shifted his gaze from a pile of books on feudal weaponry to Katsura's face. He could use a sword to disassemble his brain right about now.

"It's called common sense." Katsura added while typing away.

"No, wait a second," Gintoki ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath "You're telling me  _he_  is the contractor? He's the one who's gonna demolish the dorm?"

Katsura nodded without taking his eyes from the computer monitor.

"But he's a fucking policeman!" Gintoki exclaimed. Katsura turned to him with a befuddled expression.

"What? Takasugi is a policeman? He didn't tell me anything. Are you sure, Gintoki?"

"Takasugi?" the name sounded almost foreign to Gintoki "You were talking about Takasugi? He is the contractor?"

"Yes," Katsura replied nonchalantly "Who were you talking about?"

Gintoki let his elbows rest on the table and his head fall into his hands. A big groan followed which Katsura didn't know how to answer. He just sat in his chair, hands frozen above the keyboard.

"You didn't see Takasugi then." he began tentatively.

"No, I didn't." came Gintoki's muffled response. His head threatened to explode.

"Who's the policeman?"

It took a minute of silence for Gintoki to blurt it out. The fact Katsura knew nothing about Hijikata being back made the revelation twice as terrible. Nobody had told him, Gintoki would be the first. Katsura would measure every little muscle on his face, every different intonation of his voice and Gintoki wouldn't be able to fake his indifference because he had just shown how fucking indifferent he wasn't. Besides, he could already tell the cogs were moving behind Katsura's eyes, putting two and two together. Gintoki might as well have been naked.

"Hijikata."

Katsura was silent. He leaned back on his chair once again examining Gintoki. The history research study became a psychologist's office for a moment. Gintoki slapped the desk's surface to dispel it.

"Stop it Zura, I don't care what you have to say."

"Then why did you come here?"

"To give you the damn bag." Gintoki replied flatly.

"Oh right," Katsura grabbed the leather bag still laying on top of his table and put it away. "So have you seen him yet?"

"Yeah, I even helped him move if you can believe that." Gintoki shook his head slightly as he said it, barely believing his own words.

"It's good that you're still friends."

"We're not!" Gintoki replied quickly. He didn't know what they were.

"Does he still smoke?"

Gintoki shot daggers at Katsura, unsure whether he was making fun of the situation. His grave face said otherwise.

"Yeah he does."

"Then he's not married." Katsura concluded.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Gintoki had to resist rolling his eyes.

"You clearly don't understand women or the bond of marriage, Gintoki."

"Fuck off, Zura, since when did you become a counselor? I should have brought some booze with me."

"You can't bring alcoholic beverages inside the campus buildings." Katsura declared with furrowed brows.

"Thanks for reminding me why I bailed out of this dump."

"Language." Katsura chided. He had resumed his position by the computer, eyes moving left and right as he read an article on the etymology of ritual disembowelment.

Gintoki breathed out a sigh of relief, pressing against the back of the chair. The tension bubbling inside him had begun to dissipate and he stretched out his legs, careful not to knock down the piles of books growing around Katsura's desk like mushrooms. He looked up at the clock on the wall out of habit, wondering if Shinpachi had gone to pick up Kagura. Once upon a time he would have looked at it wondering if Shouyou was already on his way home.

"I guess I should be going. Delivery's done."

"Give Leader my regards. Tell her I'll stop by next week and take her to the park." Katsura offered.

Gintoki chuckled and nodded as he got up from his seat.

"I'll leave you to your wicked ways." he gestured towards the mess of books and papers on Katsura's desk.

"And I leave you to yours." Katsura replied, locking eyes with Gintoki.

Gintoki gave him a smirk, not wanting to give much away, not knowing what Katsura even wanted him to say. He turned for the door and closed it as Katsura spoke again.

"Are you going to see him?"

* * *

9 YEARS AGO

The whipping sound of clashing bamboo traveled across the dojo alongside the shouts of the students. Saturdays never saw a big influx of them, especially when Hijikata came with Kondo early in the morning. By midday only half a dozen were left and if there were more they only stayed to witness Hijikata slaughtering the brave ones. He didn't pity them though, he was too busy dealing with the older boys who thought they were the shit. Not to mention he was working on keeping his own issues in order, focusing his mind and body in the swordsmanship. It helped him cope.

"So who's next?"

Kondo approached him with a kid in full uniform by his side. He had the same height as Hijikata and a straight back ready for combat. Hijikata craved so much another go he didn't notice the smirk on Kondo's face.

"I think we'll have a fair match here." he said in jest.

The other guy shrugged his shoulders and got in position. Hijikata adjusted his helmet and did the same. The match that followed unraveled like a dream. His opponent's execution was flawless, quick footwork and total awareness guided his precise strikes. Hijikata had to react almost by instinct to avoid his attacks. He still lost, cornered into stances with little flexibility to respond. He was so absorbed by his opponent's skill he kept going long after they exceeded the conventional three-points. The other boy continued to launch different techniques at him, daring him to rise up to the challenge. Hijikata bit his tongue and gripped his sword tighter, resenting the bastard's show. He pushed back with powerful attacks, forcing him to lose his balance and soon his opponent's strikes began to miss, his pace slowed down and he got sloppy. Kondo interposed.

"That's enough, that's enough. You are both very good, no need to make a competition out of a friendly match."

Hijikata grunted and proceeded to take off his helmet to look his rival in the eye. A glare beamed at him. His opponent had short blond hair, green eyes and a pale face with high cheekbones that added to his proud standoffish demeanor. Hijikata gave him his hand and the boy shook it firmly, with extra vigor, arousing a laugh of scorn out of him. Hijikata cracked the joints of his fingers after pulling back.

"Hijikata, this is Itou Kamotarou, I snagged him from another dojo. Very good, ain't he?" Kondo said proudly. Hijikata nodded with crossed arms.

"Nice to meet you. Thank you for your hard work." the polite phrases came out of Itou's mouth mechanically. He bowed, yet his intense gaze failed to match his calm voice. Misleading little snake.

"Thanks for the hard work." Hijikata replied a bit stiffly.

"He told me he was bored at his old dojo, so I invited him here. I said I'd teach him some complex moves and introduce him to my best students. What did you think of Hijikata, Itou-kun?"

"Average."

Hijikata clenched his teeth to prevent his mouth from falling open. The brass on the fucking kid sent a murderous gush through him. He joined Kondo's laugh with a fake one of his own, finding solace in the tight grip of his bamboo sword.

"I'm sure I'm ready to fight you, Kondo-san. Please give me the honor." Itou pressed on. Hijikata wanted to smack him in the face with his fist.

"Oh no, before you get to me I'd still want to put you up against the best around. He'd probably laugh at me if he heard me though."

"And who is that?" Itou asked, his gleaming eyes scanning every student in the room. Hijikata found himself mimicking him, unaware of this great student Kondo had hidden up his sleeve. He had dueled with every one present and he remembered no remarkable swordsmanship except Itou's.

"It's pointless to look for him. He doesn't train anymore. I think he has quit kendo altogether."

"He has quit?" Itou expressed Hijikata's disbelief. It seemed ridiculous to be so good at something and then cast it aside like it didn't matter, especially an activity that benefited mind, body and spirit.

"Besides he's very lazy. Hijikata knows it first hand, don't you?"

Kondo laughed and Itou turned his impenetrable gaze towards Hijikata, his questioning eyes boring holes into him.

Confusion shook Hijikata, he must have missed some part of the question.

"What do you mean, Kondo-san? Who are you talking about?"

"Yorozuya of course." Kondo replied matter-a-factually.

Hijikata fell silent. Hysterical laughter deafened his brain.

"You're joking me?"

"I'm not Toshi. Well, I guess you don't know about it because you weren't around, but Gintoki used to come here all the time. Even before I came to Tokyo. Sensei told me all about it, how Gintoki hated it at first and always got into fights with the other students. How no one wanted to spar with him and he always tried to sneak out of training to go play in the backyard. He was a rascal even then-"

"I knew my ears were burning for some reason. Stop talking about me behind my back." Gintoki's deadpan voice startled them. Hijikata's eyes flew to him instantly.

"Yo Gintoki..." Kondo coughed to hide his embarrassment "Sorry about that. Can I help you? You're not here for a match, are you?"

"Me? Fuck no, I just brought Shinpachi home and came to have a little fun watching the gorilla brigade go at it."

"Oi, watch it!" the reprimand left Hijikata's lips on its own. Gintoki smirked at him.

"Of course you had to be here, got out of bed with the damn birds this one."

Hijikata scoffed, stunned by a myriad different feelings. Even though he tried, he couldn't keep his eyes off Gintoki; the jovial silly one, the moron he had first met and not the stranger he had shared a room with the previous night. That old marred version of the same man still haunted him somehow. He was glad Gintoki had reverted back to himself, or at least to the Gintoki he knew. Hijikata had stopped to glance at him before leaving their room that morning. He had never paid him much attention, he was usually in a hurry to get to his classes or to join Kondo at the dojo. Hence watching Gintoki sleep had been a disconcerting experience. Despite his nonchalant, easy going attitude, Gintoki was a very perceptive person, always aware of his surroundings. Seeing him vulnerable felt too intrusive, which was absurd for someone who shared the same room, the same house, almost the same habits as him. Hijikata had learned more about Gintoki than he'd care to admit. However, he had also only started to realize how little he actually knew about him. There seemed to be a million layers to peel back before he could get to the core. Not that he had ever been interested in reaching the core. Hijikata simply found it puzzling that he could sleep next to Gintoki one day and then next to another guy the following, so massive was the contrast.

"Why did you quit kendo?" Itou's question broke the comfortable silence like a bomb. Gintoki gave him a thorough look from top to bottom.

"No reason, really." he said, folding his arms behind his head.

Itou's jaw clenched at Gintoki's noncommitted answer. His reaction amused Hijikata.

"Are you an idiot?" Itou wondered aloud.

"It's none of your business! Who the hell is this dumbass?"

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah I meant you, bozo."

"You wanna have it right here?"

"Yeah, show me!"

Kondo had to separate the two arguing fools. He dragged Itou after him to the opposite end of the dojo and he put the whole class in motion doing basic exercises.

Gintoki trudged to the backyard muttering curses to himself and plopped down in the porch with a grunt. Hijikata followed him, unable to control his feet. He sat down next to him and leaned forward, fishing for things to say.

"What a bloodthirsty bastard!" Gintoki's rant persisted "Did you see that? He called me an idiot, who the hell does he think he is?"

"You are an idiot." Hijikata replied.

"So? He doesn't even know me, blond bastard! I bet he wears glasses! He has this dork look on his face like he's something else. That's how people who wear glasses look like when they take them off."

"You're being fucking ridiculous."

"Whatever. What about you? You're still not done with this?" Gintoki nudged his head towards the practicing students, then his gaze fell on Hijikata and stayed there, riveted below his neck. Hijikata looked down self-consciously and checked his uniform. The front of his kendogi was open, showing his sweaty chest. He straightened it out with a blush.

"No, I'm alright," he managed to reply awkwardly "That Itou gets on my fucking nerves though."

They both laughed.

"I didn't know you used to come here." Hijikata said. He glimpsed at Gintoki and noticed him fixed on a point far away. Memories cast shadows over his face. For a second that somber stranger returned and Hijikata regretted ever opening his mouth.

"Yeah, Sensei brought me," Gintoki said, it sounded like a confession. After a minute of silence he went on "He was sorta my dad."

Hijikata gave him an affirmative nod, internally celebrating this new knowledge that made so many pieces go together. Another layer peeled down.

"He died a few years ago and I just lost interest in it." Gintoki admitted. He threw his head back and sighed.

"Life goes on I guess." Hijikata declared.

"Aren't you a depressing fuck?"

"At least your dad wanted you." Hijikata uttered with inordinate venom. He caught himself too late. By the time Gintoki was staring at him Hijikata already stood up to leave.

"Hey wait," Gintoki got up and chased after him "Hijikata."

Hijikata froze. His heartbeat picked up at the mention of his name.

"Let's go out for lunch, I'm dying of hunger and no one wants to go back to that jerk, right?"

Hijikata remained still, absorbing the idea. Gintoki was two feet away from him, giddy and grim all in one. More complete. Unfazed by his own sudden lash of darkness.

"No, you always eat weird shit, you're gonna spoil it for me."

"Scumbag! I'm not the one with a mayonnaise problem."

"Shut up." Hijikata could not contain his grin.

Gintoki walked beside him, complaining and being generally rude, and Hijikata could not bear the surge of warmth spreading through his chest, heating his every cell, making his cheeks hurt from smiling. He couldn't stop it.

He didn't want to.

Tokyo had never been so bright.

He was happy.

*****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I thought I would never get to the end of this chapter. Every time I went back to it more and more words came out. I'm exhausted. Anyhow, the slow burn keeps burning. I'm having way too much fun weaving in all these secondary characters. I didn't even plan to introduce Itou on this chapter, he just sorta happened. I hope I'll be able to finish the next one in time for Gintoki's birthday. It will have a big flashback to their summer together and more personal angst. As always, thank you so much for the support and feedback, I really love talking to you guys. I hope you're enjoying the story so far!


	9. A Summer In The South Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE ON THE TEXT: (*) means end of flashback.

A can of strawberry soda, cheap and contemptible as it were, delivered Gintoki from his consuming thoughts following his conversation with Katsura. He stopped by one of the campus vending machines and bought a can for his journey back to his scooter. Truth be told, it wasn't enough to dispel his worries but the sickly sweet flavor comforted him and he spent most of his walk wondering whether it tasted more of cherry than strawberry. When he got to the parking lot, a message on his phone informed him that Shinpachi would be busy with cram school and thus unable to get Kagura on time. Induced by pity, Gintoki sent him a silent prayer.

He rode directly to Kagura's school, arriving in time with the ringing bell. Kagura came running as soon as she saw him. She hopped on the back of the scooter and waved goodbye to her friends. After the whole brawling debacle a couple of days before, the gesture filled Gintoki with relief. Tae had done a good job with the aftermath. Kagura's friends smiled and waved back at her sincerely, maybe one or two with a trembling lip, and no parents waited by the school gates to complain to him. He appreciated that.

"Gin-chan drop me by the dojo today. Anego said she'd do my hair and let me play with her makeup." Kagura told him. Gintoki tightened the strap on her helmet and nodded.

"Ok, but don't let her give you any food to bring home. The stray cats got sick because of that crap."

"Roger!"

Gintoki drove on unaware of the consequences of Shinpachi's message. The sweet drink had numbed his brain so he deemed the visit to the dojo harmless. He expected nothing of it, just another stop before going home and immersing himself in his Jump. However, once they got to the dojo, his evening of reminiscing rolled back to him like a giant sea wave, bringing with it details of his past he had successfully evaded all afternoon.

Kagura ran off, not bothering to take off her helmet or pick up the empty packet of sukonbu that fell out of her pocket. Gintoki didn't bother either, though his wasn't a desire for lipstick or eye shadow or blush. He rolled on the throttle and sped out of there hanging for dear life. The dreadful anxiety ate away at him, unbearable. He couldn't decide what was worse, talking about it or bottling it up. The more he talked the worse he felt, like he relived everything again, scarring the same scars, plunging deeper into his own private hell. But then the more he bottled up, the more suffocated he felt by the shallow life he lived, a burden. He hated it.

The coast was clear when he got home. Sadaharu woke up from his nap to welcome him but Gintoki shooed him away. If he relented and took him for a walk he knew where his feet would lead him. Sadaharu would be there to witness the disgrace. And how terrible would it be if Gintoki found another person there? What if Hijikata capitulated as well and both of them met there again? Considering Gintoki's state right now only disaster would come of it. No nostalgic yearning was worth that. He couldn't do it to himself either, to anyone. He couldn't do it to  _her_  most of all. And the minute he thought of her she appeared before him.

"Gin-san, hello! Kagura-chan isn't back with you?" Mitsuba's crystal voice reached him from the small gate by the road, she was just coming in.

"She's with Otae." Gintoki replied.

"Very well," Mitsuba smiled and waited by front of the building while he locked his scooter "That's actually perfect because I was meaning to have a chat with you, if you don't mind. I'll make us some tea."

"Uh... I- erm..." Gintoki stammered, struggling to find the exact words to refuse her invitation. His brain was too busy conjecturing Mitsuba's intentions to think of a plausible excuse. Somehow he didn't smell Sougo's mischief, maybe Mitsuba just wanted to vent about the neighbors or talk about how Kagura had been avoiding her place like the plague. A stream of trivial matters crossed his mind, all of them as far away as possible from their mutual acquaintance.

"Sou-chan is still at school, we won't be disturbed." she beseeched him. Gintoki could not say no.

He followed her upstairs, into her apartment. He sat down in her small living room after she declined his help in the kitchen. The room looked the same as always, clean, warm, inviting, with puffed up pillows arranged homely on the couch, magazines stored in neat piles under the center table, books shelved tightly to fit in all sizes and a doily under the flower vase and another above the TV. No signs of Sougo's devilish personality, no scattered comics or sweets. The siblings lived in harmony, devoted to their home. Gintoki's place was deplorable in comparison, regardless of Shinpachi's endeavors to make it look presentable any chance he got. Maybe he was the one pitying Gintoki.

"Since Kondo-san told him to be more active at school and take his club activities seriously, I rarely see Sou-chan before dinner these days. He also goes to the dojo a lot and sometimes he even sneaks to the game arcade, but I can't complain. I'm so happy to see him out there having fun," Mitsuba began, her sweet tone traveled across the apartment "I almost miss helping him with his homework. He insisted on staying the other day when I wasn't feeling well, I was about to send for you, Gin-san. He didn't even want to go to school. I was really mad at him! Then Kondo-san called and he knocked some sense into him. He's a reliable person, isn't he?" she knelt down in front of him to place the tea tray on the table.

"Once in a while." Gintoki replied. She laughed.

"I guess you know other parts of him I don't," she said whilst pouring the tea "I wish I saw more too."

Gintoki looked at her as she said that and a feeling of despondency seeped through. What did she want to see that he already had? If she only knew how he would give anything to trade places with her, to know less, to perceive just the simple things. He liked that about Mitsuba. It wasn't ignorance, she didn't have a dull mind, rather the opposite. She was sensitive, deliberate, when she looked at a person she saw the whole picture, their faults another part of them. She didn't trouble herself with discerning the good and the bad, she accepted the sum.

"I'm glad Kagura hasn't been around," she said suddenly, pulling away from the somber mood "I was afraid she'd catch something while I was sick."

"Are you feeling better?" Gintoki asked.

"Yes, I couldn't skip more work. I can't afford that," Mitsuba responded with a weak smile "As a matter of fact, the reason I wanted to talk to you is related to this."

Gintoki put down his cup and forced himself to look at her. She wasn't facing his way. Her eyes were fixed on the withered flowers in the center table, which Gintoki hadn't noticed before, and a slight shade of pink rose to her cheeks.

"Please tell me if I'm overstepping but I must know," the minute she said it Gintoki was certain of what would come next "Have you spoken with Hijikata-san? He and Kondo-san are very close, I would never distress Kondo-san with my concerns. I don't want him to feel torn between my expectations and his friend's. He is a reliable man and silly," she let a small giggle escape "But he is loyal to a fault. I couldn't trust him to act without some bias either to me, who he has helped and cared for so much, or to his best friend in the whole world. So I thought of you, Gin-san," Gintoki couldn't speak, he feared to imagine the question she was tiptoeing around, "I've known Hijikata-san for so long but I never knew about you. I apologize for never having mentioned him, but I had no idea. It was so surprising to discover you both knew each other. It made me very happy to know... to know he had another friend. I mean, if you were roommates you must have known each other pretty well, no?" she declared excitedly, her eyes shining. Gintoki fell short of an answer. "He acted very rudely that time but he is always concealing his real feelings, I'm sure you know that. Even if you're not on the best terms right now, after all these years it's only natural to have grown apart, don't you think? You're one of the few friends he has left, maybe one of the closest. I-"

"You're wrong." Gintoki had to stop her. He was bursting at the seams, bursting with guilt "We barely speak anymore. We didn't really keep in touch either. I'm not your man."

"Maybe if you mend your-"

"We were always this way, he's a stubborn dick and I'm a professional idiot, I don't see what's there to miss. We don't go together."

Mitsuba's giggling eased Gintoki's mood, yet he hadn't meant to sound funny. Whatever favor she wanted to ask of him was impossible to commit to. He didn't know how to convince her of this without losing his grip. Right now his whole brain shrieked with no's.

"That can't be true. You're so similar!" she replied "I'm sure you're capable of understanding each other. Think of how good it would be for everyone around you if you did."

"We're nothing alike." Gintoki said with a sigh, adjusting back in his seat. In his mind he berated himself for coming. He had dodged Katsura's meddling for nothing. His devils channeled by Okita Mitsuba were having a field day.

"I'm sorry I can't help you."

"You didn't deny it when I said you must have known each other pretty well," Mitsuba said lifting her head. Gintoki was silent and looked away, holding back a laugh of despair. "You even visited him back home, didn't you?" Although Mitsuba intended to soften Gintoki through tenderness and understanding, her words stabbed him like accusations and Gintoki hated himself for it.

"No, I just went there to work. Make some cash during summer. Kondo fixed me up."

"You didn't meet him?"

"No. I already saw him every day. I was sick of him."

Mitsuba slouched her shoulders with disappointment.

"That's too bad. We could have met earlier." she said with a sad smile.

"We could."

* * *

8 YEARS AND 10 MONTHS AGO

The train screeched to a halt by Hijikata's stop announcing his arrival. He would've cursed the bumpy ride but the weather was too hot and the disparity between the bullet train and the regional one too depressing. He stepped onto the platform with apprehension, the eagerness to return to his backwater roots wiped out of his mind. The heat had melted it. He stood awhile waiting for the train to pass and hit him with the recoiling wind before walking out towards the street.

Hijikata's hometown was a dot in the outskirts of Kyoto. Although he had been borne in a small city near Tokyo, this little town surrounded by farmland represented everything he'd ever known from his earliest memory. He'd grown up in his brother's household, the only brother who had conceded to take him in after the death of his mother. Like anyone who goes back to their place of childhood, Hijikata walked its streets with both joy and grief, absorbing the familiar atmosphere and gawking at its recent changes. Most of them had occurred downtown in the market district. Half a dozen stores had closed down and another half opened up. Apart from that, everything had stayed the same.

His brother's house consisted of an old traditional cut of Japanese architecture their father had inherited from his father before him. He had been a wealthy man who'd made his fortune expanding the family business, buying farmland and extending his influence over pharmaceutical companies and sponsoring research projects at universities. By the end of his life, he had much to entrust to his eldest sons who followed their designated paths accordingly. Hijikata thought it all very nice and proper, yet he begrudged most of it on account of his father deserting him and his mother before he was even born. Nevertheless, the sense of duty ran deep in the family, like blood through a communal vein. And Hijikata learned to live among the plantations, he learned to love them and respect what they represented under the guidance of his brother Tamegoro.

The first person that met Hijikata at the entrance was the housekeeper, an old lady who had changed his diapers and yelled at him when she discovered a pack of cigarettes hidden beneath his mattress when he was in high school. She wore the same traditional summer robes Hijikata had seen her wear in his infancy, though she kept them as clean and pristine as the day she first got them. She glanced at Hijikata briefly, giving him little notice. She looked as if she might have just finished tidying up his room and cooked him breakfast.

"I'm home." he said stiffly, unable to shake the formality off his bones. He had been away too long.

"Welcome back. Master is in his study but the missus will receive you. She has just come back from her walk," she told him "Leave your bag here and follow me."

Hijikata dropped his backpack in the hall, took off his shoes and followed her to a back room where his sister-in-law spent her evenings reading and enjoying the view of the garden.

"The young master is here."

"Ah, Toshiro-kun, welcome home." Sato Nobu, now Hijikata Nobu, was his brother's stouthearted wife. She had long jet black hair and a set of deep eyes that denounced ancient ties between the two families. Hijikata had hazy memories of visiting the Sato part of the family in Tama when he was a boy.

"I'm glad to be back." he replied.

"Shiba-san, bring us something to drink if you please. Toshiro-kun must be dying of thirst."

"Yes, ma'am." the housekeeper complied and slid the door shut behind her.

Hijikata joined Nobu by the open window, sitting down on the tatami floor. Her belly had grown and her hands poised above it revealed how accustomed she was to her new condition, she positively glowed. Hijikata had received the news of the pregnancy over the phone around Christmas. At the time, the notion of becoming an uncle hadn't really registered amidst the stressing college papers though he was glad for Nobu and his brother. Now looking at her, the idea started to sink in.

"We're thinking about calling him Hayato after your father." she said.

Hijikata paled but answered her with a smile.

"It's a boy then?"

"Yes." she answered radiant. The prospect of securing a male heir justified her elation. No more meek replies at family gatherings, no more awkward visits from her sisters. She seemed at peace, triumphant. Like she had finally made her mark on the family.

The housekeeper returned with a tray of iced tea and a glass of water. A second figure entered the room after her.

"Is Toshiro back?"

"He's right here, master." Shiba-san replied.

"Sit down, dear."

Hijikata stood up to greet his brother. They hadn't seen each other in over a year. Tamegoro pulled him into an clumsy hug, which Hijikata could not reject, and he sighed into his arms. He did miss him.

"I've been expecting you. It's been too long," Tamegoro said. He slid his hands down Hijikata's arms and then gestured for him to sit back down "How goes the study of law?"

"Good."

"It's pointless to ask him, dear. Even if it was hard and tedious Toshiro-kun wouldn't worry you." Nobu said playfully. Her words hit tender nerves.

"That's true." Tamegoro laughed.

"You still insist on not pursing a legal career? You'd be the first lawyer in the family. We're all sick of entrepreneurs and doctors." Nobu continued, taking charge of the conversation as she was wont to do. With a baby in her belly, Tamegoro was even more prone to indulge her bold disposition. Hijikata felt a tinge of embarrassment by her purposefully omitting the farmers. It seemed that now that they were a respectable family it wouldn't do bring up the starting point, or the poorer relations. It pissed him off.

"No, I'm taking the police academy examination after graduating." he replied.

"Isn't that next year? My, how time flies. It still feels like you only left yesterday." Nobu sighed.

"How's the boarding house? You were complaining about it the last time I called." Tamegoro asked him, deftly changing subjects.

Hijikata fought hard not to roll his eyes as he remembered his brother's last call. He usually didn't complain a lot, he hated to burden his brother with his problems, Tamegoro had had his share of those. But at the time, Hijikata's entanglement with the dorm's tenants, more precisely Gintoki, had been at its peak, anger bubbling beneath his skin daily, and he had vented a good deal on the phone.

"It's fine. I'm used to it now." he answered flatly.

"What about Isao-kun? I'll never forgive him for taking you away from us," Nobu jested "He actually called the other day to congratulate us about the baby. I always liked his family. They are a bit loud but they are good people nonetheless. His aunt sent me a gift..."

The evening carried on in this fashion, with Nobu and Tamegoro battling each other for Hijikata's attention and pressing him for stories about Tokyo. He failed to meet their expectations, especially Nobu's. He was a poor conversationalist and looking back, his life in Tokyo didn't have much to talk about, no adventure whatsoever. It consisted of studying, going to classes, the occasional stop by the dojo, and the dorm. There had been no time to see the sights. His life was very simple. Gintoki's presence permeated everything. And being so far from it, he almost missed it.

* * *

Gintoki checked his horoscope in the nearest newsstand. He noticed it was actually a decrepit 100-yen shop when he walked in to enjoy the air conditioning and free himself from the inferno outside. He had been expecting the unbearable heat, him being in the fucking south, but everything else he just couldn't handle. His whole body and spirit regretted the trip.

When Kondo had offered him his old place to stay after Gintoki confessed he was in need of money, he had assumed Kondo's entire plan to work. Gintoki would stay at his old place free of charge, he'd spend the summer break working in the farms and racking up enough money to buy a scooter; it was a shabby thing in second hand Gengai had lying around, but Gintoki had low standards and a mighty need. The idea thrilled him and he packed up as soon as he decided on it. The irony didn't escape him though. Hijikata had left to visit his family and Gintoki finally had the whole room to himself only to leave it as well. He figured the money involved justified the crass compromise.

" _Things aren't going your way. Time to improvise. Beware of the people around you, some may bring you the help you need, others may be out to hurt you. Don't spend more than you have-_ " Gintoki didn't read the rest. Horoscopes creeped him out anyway. He always felt like he was reading his diary. He put the magazine back on the stand and exited the shop.

"Oi, young man, you lost or somethin'?"

Gintoki turned around and bumped into an old man wearing a straw hat. He collided with him chest first and sent the hat flying, yet it ended up hanging by its strings around the old man's neck.

"Watch it there, big fella."

Gintoki apologized with a slight bow and wiped the sweat off his brow.

"Sorry old man, this heat is killing me."

"Ain't it so! It's hell out here this time of the year," the old man replied. His deep tan spoke for itself, the product of many days of laboring under the hot sun. His skin looked so raggedy in some places Gintoki believed he must have toiled under any kind of weather. "I don't recognize you from these parts, you want some help?"

"Do you know any cheap place I can stay? I was supposed to stay at a... friend's house, but it turned out to be occupied. They kicked me out." Gintoki told him, summing up the story as much as he could. He'd rather spare himself the rage going into details would unleash.

"Sure I do! My cousin runs the old pension by the temple road. He is well off lemme tell ya, he sold all his shares and bought that ryokan-"

"Nah, it's all right, old man. Isn't there a manga cafe around here? I can stay there for tonight."

"What's that? You young people always like to make things difficult for yourselves, don't ya? Go to my cousin's pension, I tell ya. It's seriously cheap and you get a discount on the pachinko parlor nearby. The owner is family too, you see. That's how they get rich, smart bastards."

"I have to admit that kinda sweetens the deal," Gintoki said intrigued, he scratched his chin in deep thought "You think you can put in a good word for me at the pension? I came here to make money, not spend it."

"Well, I don't really know you, son."

"Gori- I mean, my friend Kondo told me I could stay at his house while I looked around for work but-"

"Ooooh! You mean Isao? Kondo's kid? Why didn't you tell me sooner!" the old man exclaimed ecstatic, slapping Gintoki's arm a bit too hard. Gintoki staggered but didn't lose his smile.

"Yeah, the same." he nodded.

"'Course I'll put a word in for Isao's friend! You looking for work too?" the old man asked him. He was all fired up now and Gintoki joined the high.

"Yeah, that's why I came."

"Come over here," the old man beckoned Gintoki to follow him and they cut a corner that led them to a narrow street by the residential area "See that house over there?"

Gintoki followed the direction of the old man's finger and spotted a house on the far right overlooking the rice fields.

"Meet me there tomorrow at five and we'll get to work."

"In the morning?" Gintoki's throat went dry. He knew the answer to the question, but the notion was too horrible to conceive.

"You take farm work as a joke and you won't last two seconds, son."

"Yeah, yeah, you've hammered the message home. Thanks, old man."

"I'm counting on ya tomorrow. What's your name?"

"Sakata Gintoki."

"I'm Shiba Michisuke. Everyone calls me Michi."

Gintoki shook hands with him and waved him goodbye. He rummaged his pockets for change and after a careful examination of all his coins, he decided to check in at the pension before hitting the pachinko parlor. He might as well enjoy his last day of fun.

* * *

Michi was waiting for Gintoki the next day by the house gates. He gave Gintoki a pair of working boots and a lunchbox his wife had prepared for them. "I'll let you meet her later." he told Gintoki with a wink. They toiled the whole morning nonstop. Michi showed him the rice fields and introduced him to other farmers who were already up and about since four. They checked the water levels in the fields, replenishing it as necessary, did maintenance on the irrigation systems and fertilized a few acres. Gintoki couldn't feel his legs by the time they stopped for lunch.

"How are ya, son? Still alive?" Michi teased him. Gintoki had his mouth full so he just nodded his head. "The food tastes better after hard work, doesn't it?"

Gintoki agreed wholeheartedly.

"And better still because my wife cooked it! She works as the housekeeper there," Michi added, alluding to the house on the hill where they'd met earlier that morning "For more than twenty years now. The master is blind, you see. We don't pity the less fortunate, but my wife got really attached to the family."

"You live there?" Gintoki asked.

"The missus is going to have a baby so my wife thought it would be better to move there for a while. We live by the river, but she wanted to stay at the house to help. If you ask me, we spared them the trouble of asking us! Hahaha!"

Michi's wife was quiet and grave, the complete opposite of Michi. He and Gintoki sat down at the kitchen table after work while she made them snacks. Michi told her all about Gintoki as she worked diligently by the counter, encouraging him with short replies to prove she was listening. Finally, she spoke to Gintoki.

"So you must know the young master as well?"

Gintoki looked at her puzzled. He opened his mouth to reply but the inside door opened and someone came in from the house.

"Shiba-san, Nobu is asking for you. Ah, Michi you're here too. How have you b-"

Gintoki and Hijikata locked stares in absolute shock.

"Oh, young master! Sorry for intruding, we just came in for a bit of tea and will be right off." Michi apologized, though the silence did not disappear. It only got more discomforting.

Gintoki wanted to stand up but his legs, battered from the day's work, didn't budge. Neither did his eyes, fixed on Hijikata and not letting go. He was wearing a gray t-shirt and black sweat pants, and his hair had that disheveled look he sported on weekends when he stayed all day shut in their room studying.

"What... what the hell are you doing here?" Hijikata asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Nah, it's alright young master, he's with me-"

"Your wife is right, Michi. I do know the young master." Gintoki cut in, a smirk taking over his face. Michi stared at him surprised.

"You do?"

"Isn't it funny? He comes home to get away from me and then here I am?"

Hijikata blushed a hundred shades of red, gritted his teeth and averted his eyes. Gintoki's smirk had evolved to an absolute grin. He couldn't help but find the whole situation hilarious.

"Shut the hell up."

"Young master, language please!" Shiba-san chided.

"You weren't kidding, Ginnoji." Michi exclaimed surprised.

"No, I wasn't. I know him really well. In fact we-"

"Come here for a second!" Hijikata interrupted him with a vaporizing stare, urging Gintoki to follow him.

"Can't I finish my snack?"

"No!"

Gintoki followed him outside, leaving the Shibas to exchange curious looks between them.

"Man, I can't feel my legs." Gintoki whined. The ground slipped from under his feet as Hijikata pulled him by the collar.

"Are fucking stalking me?!" Hijikata snarled "What the hell are you doing here? Isn't it enough that we have to see each other every day in the dorm, now you- ugh, you stink!" he released his grip on Gintoki and stepped back once the stench of sweat and fertilizer reached him.

"It's the smell of hard work, pretty boy," Gintoki replied, straightening his clothes "You could cut me a little slack."

"No,  _you_  cut me a little slack! Why did you have to come here?"

"Kondo told me there was a lot of work to do around here in the summer. Besides, there's this scooter I want to buy, so I took his offer to stay at his old place. He almost forced me to accept it to be honest. But guess what, these ridiculous cousins of his were there when I arrived and they told me there was no space left. Nice fucking friend you got there!"

"You're the one who took advantage of his friendship, dumbass!"

"What advantage!? I'm the one who has to spend money to stay at the fucking pension!"

Hijikata sighed exasperatedly and Gintoki rolled his eyes. His chest heaved from their argument and sweat trickled down his back. He needed a shower.

"It's too hot to argue with you. I need a smoke."

"That logic made no sense whatsoever," Gintoki observed "Can I go now, master of the house?"

"Just stay away and let me enjoy my summer break." Hijikata groaned, pointing a finger at him.

"Right back at ya."

* * *

Hijikata walked back in, excused himself to the Shibas and sought refuge in his room. Thoughts and feelings spun in disarray, weighting on him and his feet. Tamegoro must have noticed his unusual heavy step because he called after him as he walked past his study.

"Toshi?"

Hijikata halted with a sigh and turned back. He slid open the door of the study and slipped half his body inside, polite speech forgotten.

"Yeah?"

"Is everything alright?" said his brother's worried voice. He sat at his desk in silence with his fingertips hovering above the braille cells he'd been reading.

"Yeah, it was just a cockroach in the kitchen." Hijikata replied hastily.

"Oh, I see. Can you do me a favor?"

Hijikata strained to keep his breathing normal. He feared his brother's sharp hearing would catch his abnormal heart rate soon.

"Sure, what is it?"

"Dreadful post office business. I need to send a couple of manuscripts to my editor and I'm crowded with work. Do you mind?"

Hijikata was in the worst possible mood to do anything. He considered the benefits a stroll outside might give him but those crumbled as soon as he remembered the silver haired cockroach lurking about. The town was infested. Nevertheless, he couldn't refuse his brother's request.

"I'll go. Hijikata replied.

"Great, I have them right here." Tamegoro moved to stand but Hijikata stopped him.

"No, I'll get them." he picked up the parcels by the desk and held them in his arms.

"Thank you."

A weird silence followed which Hijikata ached to get away from. He was acutely aware that his brother had sensed his lie, knew something was wrong with him and expected some sort of explanation. But no matter how inviting Tamegoro's silence was, Hijikata didn't submit to it. He left without saying a word and went to his room to change.

He found a bag to carry the parcels and headed out. Nobu waited for him by the front door, a sly smile on her lips and eyes gleaming with mischievous intent. Hijikata sent her a cold stare, his patience wearing thin.

"Going out on an errand?" she asked innocently. Hijikata furrowed his brows, astounded at the shit hand he'd been dealt that day. Nobu giggled at his reaction and he cursed inwardly, fearing she'd heard his argument with Gintoki and was about to comment on it. She did.

"Why don't you bring your friend over for dinner?"

Hijikata stormed out of the house, leaving a smiling Nobu behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I'm gonna upload part II later this month. The summer flashback is so huge that I had to split it in two chapters, this being the introductory one. Sorachi didn't elaborate much on Hijikata's family apart from Tamegoro so I adapted a few bits from the real Hijikata Toshizo's background to keep this afloat. As always, thanks for the support!


	10. A Summer In The South Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE ON THE TEXT: (*) means end of flashback.

Farm work engrossed Gintoki for the next couple of weeks. His days consisted of toil under the scalding sun with sparse breaks in between. He had no time to think about Hijikata, nor did he want to after their argument. He had better things to do than ruminate on the idiot's temperamental bouts of anger, getting blisters on his hands and feet amounted to nothing in comparison. Gintoki knew when he was being scorned and he'd rather make himself scarce than look like a fool. He was bound to see the bastard back in Tokyo any way and, since escaping him was impossible, he'd settle for avoiding him for as long as he could.

Decision made, Gintoki didn't return to the Hijikata household, though the Shibas had treated him well and enjoyed his company. However, he had a hard time avoiding Michi. The old man's prying eyes fell on him often as not, trying to unearth the connection between him and his young master, or rather what had gone wrong between the two. The dangerous shine in his wrinkly eyes betrayed a starving curiosity which had Gintoki on his toes. He tried to steer clear of long conversations and engaged with other farmers instead. He addressed Michi no more than a few casual words of greeting every day, keeping the subject of talk within the domains of work, drink and complaints, something Gintoki didn't have any trouble with so long as he didn't have to think or speak about Hijikata. But Michi's relentless streak could not be suppressed. He had the cunning of a fox. He stopped circling Gintoki to give him some illusion of tranquility, only to catch him unaware some days later when Gintoki's mind had finally eased into some semblance of tranquility and his body gotten used to the work schedule.

The surface of the river mirrored the evening sky above and the water glistened amid dark purples and oranges. Gintoki had finished his drinks with a couple of young farmers after work when he spotted Michi coming down the river road, straw-hat hanging loose and a sweaty scarf wound around his neck.

"Shouldn't you be going home to the wife?" Gintoki teased him.

"Oi, Ginnoji! You know a man has other duties too!"

"Oh, is that what they're calling alcohol these days?"

Michi laughed.

"You're a sharp one, ain't ya?"

He sat down next to Gintoki on the riverbank slope. The grass was soft and green, but speckled with stale patches that signaled the coming autumn.

"I just call 'em as I see 'em." Gintoki replied in his best attempt at a southern accent.

"Oh, you do?" Michi extended him a lazy smile and grunted to himself "How's those blisters you got? Sure you don't want my old lady to look at them?"

Gintoki glanced down at his hands in a quick assessment and shook his head.

"Nah, I'm alright. Just have a few calluses, that's it."

"Sure thing. Were you at the east field by the temple today? Nagasawa told me he appreciated the help."

"Yeah, I finished early and went to look for something else to do. Might as well."

Michi's reply came a second too late, a dark hue flickered in his eyes denouncing a brooding thought but he quickly brushed it away.

"Pocket's already running dry for a round at the pachinko parlor?" he laughed.

"Dry as can be." Gintoki answered half defeated, but a smile burst forth from the warmth of conversation. Familiar.

He realized then the main reason why he'd been avoiding Michi. Being around him sprouted strange feelings inside him. His train of thought ran in a single direction. He couldn't help but think how easy it would be to just say the word, the name, and the running would stop. Michi's beguiling nature almost begged him, but it didn't come to it because suddenly Hijikata came into view, seizing their conversation without a word, without even a glance. The town might as well have been mocking Gintoki, forcing him to acknowledge the only subject deemed worthy of discussion.

"Oh, hey! Look who goes there!"

Gintoki followed the direction of Michi's finger to the other side of the riverbank where the recognizable figure had appeared.

Gintoki felt the ground swallow him whole.

"Haha! Now I know why he didn't want you around, Ginnoji!" Michi exclaimed, slapping his own knee in victory "He doesn't want you to steal his girl!"

Gintoki couldn't tell which was more messed up, Michi's sentence or the sight of Hijikata walking side by side with a girl. He squinted his eyes to get a better look and make sure she wasn't a hologram, but from that distance her features were blurry at best.

"They've always been friends, you know. They got along even before Tamegoro-sama lost his sight in the accident," Michi said "I think Toshi blames himself more now that he is older. He was downright nasty when he was a kid. Hated everything and everyone when they brought him here after his poor mother died. Tamegoro-sama took him in. He was always soft on him, letting him wander around skipping school, taking care of his scrapes after he got into fights with the local kids. A big idiot brother if you ask me. Too bad he got blind. Too much love and too much hate, it never ends well. Those two learned that the hard way."

Gintoki held his tongue, lost for words. His eyes followed Hijikata and the girl unconsciously, yet his mind was somewhere else, taking in the story.

* * *

 

The first shades of yellow tinged the trees waving summer goodbye. It was the day before the summer festival and the whole town bustled with preparations. The road to the temple lined with stalls that would soon be teeming with people hungry for sweets and local delicacies. Sound technicians worked together with hand laborers in setting up the stage for the performances and an assortment of vans and cars clogged all traffic to the area, their drivers eager to deliver the materials needed to set the extra booths for the cultural activities. Hijikata could hear the bustle of cars and people from his room, the shouts of working men and the excited laughter of the children. It made a dent on his concentration, which was already plagued by personal unrest, and so his miserable attempt at peace got quashed.

He sought refuge in a grassy hill behind his brother's house surveying the crop fields and facing the opposite direction of the temple.

At home he had no one to distract him with idle chatter, no one at all. Everybody seemed involved with the festival and happily so. They knew Hijikata enjoyed his solitude and would only seek them out if he wished to. Mitsuba had gone to help her former schoolmates with the parade costumes and Nobu and his brother had left early to attend a series of committee meetings, on the account of Tamegoro being a local patron of the arts. Even the Shibas were nowhere to be seen, busy with their own involvement in the town's festivities.

In truth, Hijikata could not blame them their absence because he hadn't expected not to revel in his usual isolation. The confines of his room already denounced his brain's exhaustive overwork trying to fend off feelings of anxiety. The surface of his desk had disappeared under notebooks and papers, and the surrounding area of the floor promised a similar future. Getting on with his study had seemed a great idea right up until the moment he had stopped and those creeping feelings made a thorough comeback.

The cicadas and the soft breeze didn't manage to eradicate the heavy thrum of the town. It had faded to a low hum in the background, allowing Hijikata to enjoy the pretty picture in front of him and the earthy smell he couldn't get back in Tokyo.

His eyes fell on the crop fields stretched before him, on the tiny dots toiling away here and there. His teeth clenched harder on the cigarette dangling from his mouth. A cold sweat broke on his forehead as he considered the fact he would never be able to look upon his hometown the same. Not because the town had changed, no. The hills still retained their shape as did the trees and the fields; the people were the same as well, added a couple of wrinkles and new grievances. It was Hijikata himself who had changed. Irrevocably. And one of the reasons why he had was no doubt gallivanting half a mile away without a care in the world.

It still baffled Hijikata how the idiot had the audacity to show up in his hometown, in his own house... well, his brother's house technically. Indeed, nothing here would ever be his. Even his bedroom would soon become his nephew's playroom.

"Since Toshiro-kun is going to the academy next year, we can start remodeling the house for the baby's arrival, dear. Toshiro's room has one of the best views in the house. It faces the south so it will be bright and warm all day. I've read in a magazine that exposure to sunlight is very important to children." Nobu had said at lunch the previous day. Tamegoro had nodded in silent agreement.

"You don't mind, do you, Toshiro-kun? You will be well established at the police academy after all. They'll take care of all your expenses and you're guaranteed a job after you finish. It may not be the prestigious law profession your family wanted for you, but it sure will be a secure one, don't you think, dear?"

"Yes, that's true," Tamegoro replied, putting down his chopsticks "It's the path Toshiro has chosen and we should respect it."

A cold, painful distance rose before Hijikata, more agonizing than all the time he had spent alienated in Tokyo. _How typical_ , he thought. Tamegoro, Nobu, closer relatives, they all had failed in keeping him near. Although he loved his brother and was grateful for everything he had done for him, Hijikata had always gone the opposite of his family's wishes in a desperate attempt to prove himself. The more they had tried to tame him, to manipulate him and to pull him into the family business, the more Hijikata had fought back. The image of the bastard child who had to measure himself to his father's legitimate sons haunted him. In his youth he had tried to rip it to pieces. One of his uncles liked to say he was 'destined to amount to nothing at all', but Hijikata had proved him wrong. He graduated high school, got into college, in Tokyo no less, and with his brother's blessing and Kondo's help, he had escaped.

He had missed his family at first. His old room, the streets he knew so well. A feeling which translated a nostalgia for a life he had been eager to run away from; the most natural thing in the world for a kid facing a new reality. But now that new reality was his life. And everything else paled in comparison. The memories of his old life had become mere footsteps marking his way forward, and their imprint faded with each new step.

* * *

 

Mitsuba wore a simple blue yukata with pink flower patterns and a white sash that emphasized her lean figure. She had done her hair up in a bun and decorated it with a few trendy accessories to keep in touch with the latest fashion. Hijikata noticed her right away in the crowded street, but only because of the annoying four year old goblin following her everywhere. Hijikata caught the eye of both siblings before he could plan evasive maneuvers.

"Ah! Toshiro-kun!"

Hijikata's stomach did a little somersault. He would never get used to the affectionate way she called him and basked him with attention. For all her charms, Mitsuba's caring nature had an absurd way of making him feel like a complete ass.

"Hi." his greeting lacked all the air and enthusiasm stuck in his throat.

"Sou-chan, what do you say?" she turned to her brother expectantly and Sougo replied by sticking his tongue out. Hijikata's brows furrowed in distaste and he pretended not to see the demon child by locking eyes with its sister.

"I'm so sorry. Mother says four is a terrible age for kids."

Hijikata refrained from sharing his opinion that Sougo's entire life was and would be a terrible age for people all around the world.

"Are you alone? Is Nobu-san not with you? I think I saw Michi on the way here. His brother-in-law has a fish-cake stand back there, they gave Sou-chan two sticks free of charge."

"Free of charge!" Sougo repeated happily after her.

"My brother and Nobu are dining with the rest of the festival committee. She told me they'd come later to pray at the shrine."

"Great. I'll meet them there. I must thank Nobu-san for the gifts she sent my mother last week."

"What about your family?" Hijikata asked Mitsuba, casually looking behind her.

"Father's working late today and mother is helping at the shrine. The parade is also finished so I've been touring the place with Sou-chan. Unfortunately, he has been out of luck at the game booths. We are still waiting for our first prize of the night."

"The scooper was cheap! And the goldfish was fat!" Sougo grumbled.

"Maybe if you're nice Toshiro-kun will scoop one up for you." Mitsuba told him, then she turned to Hijikata, eyes wide and bright with expectation.

Hijikata didn't find it in himself to say no. Sougo didn't seem very excited either. He clung to his sister's yukata and pulled her towards the goldfish stall where a dozen little kids surrounded two small fish pools.

Hijikata payed the owner for a try and, five minutes later, Sougo had forgotten all his ill intent towards him and was instead standing behind the other kids, taunting them with two bags of prizes in his hands.

"Thank you so much, Toshiro-kun. Sou-chan may not show it, but he really appreciates it." Mitsuba said with a big smile. Hijikata shrugged in response and looked at Sougo who was deliberately elbowing the other kids so they would miss the fish and break their scoopers.

"When are you leaving?" Mitsuba's voice had lost her upbeat accent and Hijikata turned to her a bit startled. Her gaze fixed the ground and bangs covered her eyes.

"This Sunday." Hijikata replied awkwardly. He shifted his feet, wondering why the atmosphere had taken such a sudden turn.

"Sunday?" her voice rose with surprise then fell to a whisper as she reasoned, "That's in two days."

Hijikata missed the pink of her cheeks and decided to follow with a logic explanation to disperse the tension.

"Nobu wants to start redecorating my-" he stopped to correct himself, afraid to sound too petty "Nobu wants to start redecorating the house for the baby so I have to pack up more things to take with me to Tokyo. That means I'll have a lot to do once I return. I don't even know where I'm gonna put half that stuff," Hijikata said, now talking mostly to himself "That room isn't exactly spacious and my roommate, well I don't want to spoil my evening thinking about him."

Mitsuba's eyes were vacant as she mulled over her own thoughts.

"If you're leaving so early, maybe we could-"

Hijikata interrupted her, believing he had been senseless not to return her question.

"And you, when are you returning to Kyoto?"

Mitsuba had enrolled in a college in Kyoto that year and, for the last two weeks, she had spent most of their time together telling Hijikata all about it. Sometimes he even envied her university life. It seemed heavenly in comparison to his barrel scrapping in Tokyo.

"I'm leaving next week- I mean, next Friday," she replied with a stutter. Then she took a deep breath and recomposed herself, trying to recall her usual good humor "I'm sorry, Toshiro-kun. I thought we still had some time to spend together," she blushed "I mean, I want to know everything about Tokyo and you always seem to dodge my questions. All I do is spend time blabbing about myself."

Hijikata turned red with guilt. He wished he had something better to say than an apology, but Mitsuba planned ahead.

"Maybe we could meet tomorrow?" she proposed, her eyes staring straight into his "My mother will be home so she'll take care of Sou-chan. We could spend some time together, just the two of-"

"Mitsuba-chaaan!"

"Oi, Mitsuuu!"

Mitsuba's old schoolmates stormed in, wooden sandals clocking a clumsy rhythm as they approached. The girls had left the parade's changing rooms and brought with them all the noise and enthusiasm shared an hour before when the portable shrines had strutted by. Two of the girls were still adjusting their hair and another straightened the collar of her yukata while complaining about the heat. Yet, despite their bumbling appearance, they seemed to take notice of moment they had intruded upon and lowered their voices at once, covering their smiles behind manicured nails. Hijikata tried to save Mitsuba the embarrassment and spared her from having to finish her sentence.

"My brother must be arriving shortly. I should go meet him. I'll see you later."

"Ah- yes, I'll see you later." Mitsuba replied. Her features lit by a nearby paper lantern flushed pinker than ever. Hijikata's heart throbbed painfully as he walked away and he made it towards the stage where the taiko performance was just starting.

The rhythm of the drums took charge of his heartbeat and Hijikata let it enrapture him so he wouldn't have to suffer those pangs left by the memory of Mitsuba's face.

"Oh, so this is how it feels when a girl comes between us. Is this why you didn't want Sarutobi in our room?"

Gintoki's voice paralyzed him. It was enough to render everything before his eyes meaningless. His whole body committed to the raspy sound of Gintoki's voice by his ear, not even the loud drums could smother it. Hijikata had played safe, but not safe enough. His plan not to fall to his baser instincts and seek out Gintoki had backfired spectacularly. The span of time during which they hadn't seen each other made their re-encounter a thousand times more upsetting. Hijikata only realized it when he turned around and met him dressed in a haphazardly tucked yukata. He couldn't perceive much in the half-light of dusk, but he noticed how Gintoki's skin had acquired a slight golden tan and his rebellious wavy hair had grown a tad longer. His reddish eyes probed deep into his own, unsettling as ever, giving Hijikata an excuse to look down and notice the callused hands marked with welts. Gintoki must have wanted that scooter pretty badly for it to be worth so much hard work. The sarcastic thought didn't flew him by that if only Gintoki applied the same amount of effort in vanquishing his natural stupidity, maybe Hijikata would be spared half his troubles.

"Why are you still here?" Hijikata grunted, hoping to chase him away.

"Seems pretty obvious to me," Gintoki replied. He stepped closer and Hijikata stepped back involuntarily, pulse picking up.

"It's a festival, I came to have a good time." Gintoki said with amusement and gave a look around to stress his meaning, eyes meandering through the crowd closing in around them. Hijikata gave the crowd a silent thanks, breathing in the keen respite of not having Gintoki's eyes on him.

The loud and incessant drumbeat made it difficult to hear one another and Hijikata took the opportunity to step back and find a quieter spot so he wouldn't have to suffer more of Gintoki's whispers by his ear. Gintoki followed him with a twinkle of mischief in his eye. Before Hijikata could address him something foul, Gintoki had already turned his back and was walking the opposite direction.

"Where are you going?" Hijikata asked him slightly offended.

"Up there," Gintoki pointed to the top of the hill where the roof of the temple peaked between dark trees "Gonna check my fortune and see if I have any prospects at pachinko tonight."

"You don't need a fortune for that." Hijikata pointed out.

"I can say the same about your exams." Gintoki rebutted with a frown. It was enough to prickle Hijikata's pride and his feet promptly followed Gintoki's.

"We'll see about that."

They made their way towards the stone steps to the temple without saying a word, choosing instead to huff and puff in annoyance.

Halfway through, their solemn march was interrupted by Gintoki who had noticed a series of curious signs below the lanterns lighting the way up.

"There's a haunted trail ahead. Wanna check it out?"

"I thought we were going to get our fortunes." Hijikata replied sorely.

"Oooh, are you scared, Hijikata-kun?" Gintoki bit his lower lip in a purposeful expression of mock "Are you scared of haunted houses too?"

"No, I'm not scared. I'm not scared of anything!" Hijikata burst at once, "I just don't want to put up with your ass any more than necessary."

"Sad to know that's how you feel about it. Some people actually covet this ass, okay?"

"Shut up, you're delusional." Hijikata rolled his eyes.

"Are we going or not?"

"After you." Hijikata sighed out of frustration.

"No, after you." Gintoki said with a smile.

"You're creeping me out."

"You're the one who said he isn't afraid of anything."

"Then why are you giving me that creepy smile? You're the one who's scared, aren't you? You're shitting your pants."

"Me?! Of course not, I'm a real man! Real Man Gintoki is my actual name, it's on my birth certificate."

The two pushed and shoved each other towards the entrance of the haunted trail where a couple of high school students were charging couples and little kids for admission. Gintoki and Hijikata pulled away and straightened their clothes as they waited in line. The high schoolers gave them suspicious looks when their turn came.

"Aren't you too old for this?" one of them asked.

"Oi, oi, aren't you too cheeky?!"

"Just shut up and take the money." Hijikata grumbled.

It only took them their first scare to do a speed run of the whole course. Hags, demons and ghosts barely had time to pop out of their contraptions. Gintoki jumped over bushes and Hijikata hid behind a couple of trees on his way out. They lost sight of each other as they fled but met again by the stone steps, heart hammering in their throats and tears glistening in their eyes. Lantern light had never felt so safe and warm.

"B-back there I heard a girl say they were running out of fortunes at the temple, so I had to leave immediately." Hijikata coughed, trying to justify his ragged appearance.

Gintoki too was out of breath and his excuse was just as bad if not worse.

"I saw a guy blackmailing a kappa for the last lucky fortune. I knew he was lying but I thought it would be best to alert t-the a-authorities."

"Y-yeah," Hijikata nodded "It's for the best."

"Sure it is," Gintoki replied more assured, "We should go to the temple now. These high school kids don't know shit about making scary trails. I saw those monsters coming a mile away!"

"Amateurs. It was all leftovers from their high school festival or something. Didn't scare me at all."

"Not a bit."

They were both still feeling a bit jumpy when the last steps appeared in the distance. Families gathered there waiting for relatives and friends, obstructing the view of the temple, yet the glow of bright lights encompassed them and lively voices foretold the bustling entrance.

A loud sigh left Gintoki's mouth at the sight of the waiting lines for the fortunes. Hijikata felt the exasperation in his bones. They went to pay their respects first and then joined the multitude of people eager to get a glimpse of the future.

"This was a terrible idea." Hijikata said through gritted teeth.

Gintoki ignored his comment.

"So, you're not gonna tell me about your life here? Tell me all about the wonderful country life and your brother's big house-"

"Don't speak of my brother." Hijikata cut him short.

"Oh, touchy subject?" Gintoki replied with a smirk.

Hijikata focused on the nape of the person in front of him, devising ways to shut down the conversation. He could sense Gintoki's eyes on him, searching his face for clues. When he didn't get any out of Hijikata he continued his probing.

"Would you rather I heard it from someone else?"

Hijikata scoffed. He would rather Gintoki didn't hear anything at all.

"It's a big house, so what?"

"Yeah, I didn't mean that." Gintoki said, his voice devoid of humor. Hijikata's heart clenched at the earnest statement.

"What _did_ you mean?"

When Hijikata turned to look at him, Gintoki's eyes were no longer on him.

"Michi told me about your brother..." Gintoki didn't finish his sentence, preferring to simply gesture towards his eyes.

Hijikata stood frozen for a moment before swallowing an urgent need to smoke.

"Michi has a big mouth."

"Hearing that from the former local delinquent sounds very reliable." Gintoki sneered.

"That's all in the past." Hijikata replied dryly.

"Is it?"

The question was simple yet it surprised Hijikata. Was it really all in the past? The alienating violence and childishness, surely. But what about the motives behind it? Hijikata didn't know the answer. He looked at Gintoki who had a soft smile playing in his calm features. Hijikata wasn't conscious of it, but that smile angered him beyond reason. He didn't know what answer to give but Gintoki seemed to understand him perfectly.

The group behind Hijikata nudged him on the shoulder to move on. He had been so startled he hadn't noticed the gap that currently separated him from the people in front of him.

He closed that distance while responding a solid "Yes."

"Liar." Gintoki chuckled. Something akin to tenderness coated his voice but Hijikata could only feel shame. He blushed and tried to sway the subject.

"No, you are the liar! You were supposed to leave me alone like I asked."

The change of tone brought back Gintoki's stubborn chin along with his natural idiocy.

"If yelling at me and poking my eye with your finger can count as asking, asshole."

"My point stands." Hijikata declared, crossing his arms.

"Well, I can't help it if you're- if-" Gintoki stuttered, struggling to get the words out, "I can't help it if you're the only person I know around here."

"I thought you and Michi were buddies already."

"Hahahahaha, funny." Gintoki's fake laugh made a few heads turn their way and Hijikata quickly regretted his comment.

"Well, it's not the same."

"Whatever, I don't care. Let's just get our fortunes and leave." Hijikata said. He was dying for a cigarette.

"I mean it," Gintoki went on "With you, it's not the same."

Hijikata chanced a look at Gintoki and for a second the night seemed to be aflame. Hijikata's heart started that tempestuous beating he didn't know how to subdue. That uncontrolled torrent of feelings Gintoki's unexpected appearance had sprung in him earlier assaulted him again and he was left without the words to reply.

"Next please! Would you like a fortune, sir?"

"Y-yeah, yes, please."

They both had bad fortunes and spent the rest of the night ranting loudly and obscenely about it as they drank to their wits' end in various local bars.

Hijikata woke up in hell. It smelled bad, his back hurt and blood had to be running out of his ears so loud was his phone ringing. He groped his pants in search of his pockets and took out the screaming gadget.

"He-Hello?" his voiced grated on his throat. He coughed painfully and was rattled by the sound coming out of his own mouth.

"T-Toshiro-kun?" Hijikata couldn't place the caller at first. He could only think how that sweet voice sounded so much better than the awful mind-numbing ring that had woken him up.

"Yeah, it's me." he mumbled.

"Are you okay? Where are you?"

"I'm..." Hijikata opened his eyes slowly and realized it was the first time he had done so since being jump-started like a dead car. The place was dark, definitely a room. His eyes followed the faint sunlight coming in through the window shutter and he noticed he was lying on a tatami floor with half a blanket thrown over his legs.

"I'm okay, I'm..." Then, at the same time his brain recognized Mitsuba's voice, his eyes picked up Gintoki's slumbering figure by his side, legs and arms arranged in weird angles and tangled in the other half of the blanket. Some part of Hijikata sighed in relief for the setting was as familiar to him as breathing, yet another roused in alarm.

He tried to sit up properly but the moment he did so his head burst with splitting pain. A vague row of memories swirled up and he understood why he had ended up in Gintoki's pension room with an awful hangover.

"Are you sure you're alright, Toshiro-kun? Nobu-san called my mother and she mentioned you hadn't come home last night. We were worried."

"Yeah, I- uh, I stayed with a friend," Hijikata said, unable to come up with a better excuse given all the mayhem and fire going off in his head "I'll be home soon." he added.

"Okay, they'll be very relieved," Mitsuba said calmer, "I can come over and help you pack if you need, later, I mean- if you want."

"Yeah, sure. I'll call you, thanks." Hijikata replied impulsively, more out of politeness than agreement. His head was throbbing with pain and he couldn't think of anything else other than keeping up his sitting position.

"I'll be waiting." were Mitsuba's last words before she hung up.

Hijikata fell back on the tatami floor as soon as the line went silent and he let out a small wail of pain, wincing as he shut his eyes again. He stayed like that for a while, waiting for the pain to subside. In his mind he berated himself for drinking so much, yet he could share a good portion of guilt with the sorry excuse for a human being lying right next to him.

It was strange. In that dark room, barely in half-light, he might have said he was back in the dorm in Tokyo. The thought comforted him and for a moment he couldn't help but think he couldn't wait to get back there. Back _home_. But what was home if not that town and his brother's house?

His words to Mitsuba came back to him. _I stayed with a friend_.

"I can't believe I said that." Hijikata whispered.

"Me neither."

Gintoki's observation earned him an elbow between the shoulder blades.

  ******

* * *

 "So did you like it there?"

The shadows in the room had grown with the sun's descent, but Mitsuba's small apartment hadn't lost its charm.

Gintoki's teacup was half full. Although his throat felt dry, he couldn't will himself to have another sip.

"Sure, it's a nice small town like any other." he replied.

"Indeed," Mitsuba noticed his need for brevity and acknowledged it with a sad smile "Well, I won't bother you with recollections, Gin-san. I'm taking up too much of your time already, but still..." a minor coughing fit interrupted her train of thought "Excuse me."

She settled her teacup on her lap and took a deep breath. Gintoki remained quiet, unsure whether to take advantage of the situation and leave or offer some kind of help. She collected herself after a minute, yet he couldn't help the feeling of restlessness at her sight. Perhaps their conversation had carried on long enough.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, yes. It's nothing," Mitsuba dismissed him quickly "The doctor told me the cough would go away eventually."

"I'll leave you to rest then." Gintoki suggested, moving to stand up.

"Oh no, please. I still haven't asked you..." she paused again to regain her strength and Gintoki could tell by the conviction in her gaze the real issue was coming "I'm going on a date tomorrow, a blind date. A friend of mine arranged it. The reasons are my own," she said it firmly, looking anything but the usual kind and fragile young woman Gintoki knew "The truth is, I plan to get married soon. And I was wondering... I've thought a lot about it and I fear entrusting Kondo-san with this just won't do. You, Gin-san, on the other hand, I'm sure you will be direct and impartial, as you always are. You see, I was wondering if Toshiro-san has someone he-" another coughing fit shook her.

The teacup nestled between her two hands fell to the floor as she doubled over, spilling cold tea on the carpet. Gintoki rose to help her as her breaths turned into gasps and she struggled for air, the cough ravaging her.

"Oi!"

Gintoki's heart stopped when he noticed red stains on her skirt. Blood. Mitsuba had slid down her seat to the floor and her hands clutched her chest in a frenzy as it heaved abnormally.

"Oi, oi, Mitsuba." Gintoki put his hands on her shoulders in a panic, not knowing what to do. Distant memories paralyzed him.

"G-Gin-san..." she could barely speak.

"I'll get an ambulance." He told her before running out of the room.

At the front door he bumped right into Sougo who had just returned from school. Gintoki seized his arm like a madman and Sougo's school bag dropped to the floor so hard was his grasp.

"Stay with your sister." Gintoki said before disappearing from view and calling the emergency line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I hope the phrase "better late than never" can still apply here. Thanks for reading.


	11. People Always Look When Others Tell Them Not To

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE ON THE TEXT: (*) means end of flashback.

A priest might look upon the object of his exorcism the same way Hijikata looked at the gray, decaying building that had once been the old dorm. He didn't know how long it had been since the place had housed any students, Kondo hadn't told him any particulars on the subject, but by the look of it Hijikata wagered it had been vacant for at least two or three months.

Although the dorm had survived for more than ten years, it needed constant maintenance and care to keep going. It needed life, people going in and out, talking, screaming, stamping the wooden floors. Without that, without sheltering those hectic sorry lives of poor frustrated college students and their like, the dorm was just a meager construction rotting away in a wasted plot of land. If it hadn't been sold and signed off to its impending demise, Hijikata believed it would have yet seen many years and many tenants, perhaps even a dimwit stupid enough to renovate the whole thing.

_Wishful thinking, uh?_

Behind him local people crossed the street on their way to lunch. The sky was clear blue, the sun high. Hijikata tried not to think too hard on the unreasonable decision to squander his lunch hour in a trip down memory lane. He'd given Tetsunosuke a lame excuse about a personal errand he had to run, despite all his assistant's entreaties that Hijikata should be the one to stay for lunch and let him go run the errand himself. Hijikata told him to beat it. He couldn't tell his assistant the true reason for his escapade since it entailed, in a way, skipping work. If the truth got out, everyone at the office would jump in joy and go light incense sticks at the nearest shrine. Hijikata couldn't risk losing his reputation as the dutiful uncompromising chief. But he couldn't lose his last chance to see the dorm standing either. He ate a quick meal at his desk and took a taxi to the place, knowing he would have to live with his burdensome decision. Hopefully that would only come later. Much later.

At the moment, his eyes roamed the desolate front of the dorm which basked in the sunlight almost colorless like a stone waiting to be kicked in the middle of a path. Itou had allowed for a lot of changes to the place. Windows had been replaced, the front door had been repaired, air conditioners had been installed in the upper rooms, the weeds that had once grown up the rusty pipes had been pulled down, even the paltry undergrowth which surrounded the building and had once comprised what they had called 'the backyard' had been cut out and done away with. Itou might as well have poured an entire cart of concrete around the place. Yet he didn't. And now the dusty ground greeted Hijikata with raspy sounds as he passed and soiled his slim black leather shoes with dirt.

Hijikata found the front door locked. It was useless to force it so he went around the back, searching for the first and only entrance to the dorm he'd ever known. The backyard barely deserved a glance, but he eyed it all the same, thinking of the hours he'd spent there smoking quietly, waiting and waiting for life to move on, sometimes waiting for things he couldn't fathom.

The back door hadn't been replaced. It was the same lanky piece of wood they had banged shut countless times. Hijikata supposed that with the new front door working there had been no need to fix the old one. With a push and a shove the lock gave in easily and he got in.

None of the old smells of cheap greasy food and sweat were there, nor was the sweltering heat of shared living. The place was as empty of it as it was of everything else. The last sweep before termination had left it bereft of furniture and appliances, and the only things left were details Hijikata knew very well. Moldy patches on the walls, the smell of rotten wood, nondescript trash on dusty corners.

A faint smile crossed his features.

He walked around feeling the worn wooden boards under his feet, peeking inside the deserted rooms. He even popped his head inside Katsura's former fortress of solitude, against all decorum. It seemed stupid that after so many years the concept of someone else's room could still feel so real and Hijikata's foray into it intrusive to the point of embarrassment. Yet, he entered it and was disappointed by how ordinary it looked, devoid of all the quirks he had imagined in the past.

When he left Katsura's room, his feet led him straight to the bottom of the stairs. For the first time that day since arriving at the dorm's premises, Hijikata's throat tightened and he remembered, with some bitterness, what had brought him there.

The squeak of the wooden stair steps followed him as he made his way up. Once he got to the first floor landing, he couldn't pretend to be interested in anything but his old room. _Their_ room. A flitting image of Gintoki crossed his mind. He sported a faint stubble and a swollen nose. It was an image of the present-day Gintoki he had yet to figure out. A man who managed to appear as lost and carefree as he did in his youth but kept a child under his care. Hijikata would have laughed at the notion if it didn't fit Gintoki so well.

Hijikata entered the room with a swift step. He had bade his goodbyes long ago and nothing but cobwebs in his brain gave him the jitters. Never in a million years would he have expected to be inside those four walls again. The first impression he got was that the room seemed much smaller than he remembered. The shock was almost the same as when he'd first moved in and found he had to share a room half the size of the one he'd had back home. Indeed, only with Gintoki could he have shared such a confining space and lived.

The air conditioner fixed above the window was the sole addition at conflict with his memory, everything else checked, drab, common and fading. He leaned over the window sill looking out, wondering how many other roommates Gintoki must have had after him; what had finally made him leave and if that little girl had anything to do with it.

He lit a cigarette and turned his back on the outside view. What right did he have to ask those questions when he himself had done everything in his power not to look back? None, really. He didn't even have a right to come lay eyes on it again. He felt like a vulture, flying in circles over the carcass of a dead animal. The only difference was he'd been the one to kill it. The impulsive predator.

Ashes fell from the tip of his cigarette onto the floor, soiling the worn tatami mat.

"Shit."

Hijikata tried to brush away the ashes with the sole of his shoe, smearing it further. He cursed again, suddenly very angry, very conscious of his silly figure.

His thoughts jumped to Gintoki with ease, spurred by habits developed in that same room. He couldn't bear to think he'd been the one to cave in and come running at the thought of losing the one place that had changed his life forever while the notion sailed by Gintoki. Because if it hadn't, where was he? How could he be anywhere but there? The truth was, it had meant nothing to him, nothing at all.

Hijikata was done. He threw his cigarette out the window and with a final sweep of his foot over the ash stain he strode out of the room, this time truly forever.

His mind running back on auto mode, rearranging every task to prioritize work, did not foresee another person coming in and he bumped right into them as he cut the corner to the back door.

"Excuse me!"

"What the hell-"

"Is that you Hijikata-san?"

Itou Kamotarou's expression changed from affront to curiosity. The cunning gleam in his eye had endured the passage of time and, mixed with the hard lines of adulthood, his features displayed an air of conceit Hijikata didn't think possible.

"You are the last person I expected to find here." Itou observed. He didn't smile but his voice carried that smile for him. Hijikata felt his skin crawl.

"So it seems."

His short answer didn't deter Itou from extending his politeness.

"It's been so long, why don't we go have a drink?"

* * *

8 YEARS AGO

The news of Hijikata's acceptance into Tokyo's police academy fell short of his bright expectations. After graduating with all the required credits and passing all the rigorous psychical and psychological tests, the events of the real world, abrupt and trivial as they so often seem to be, crushed any joy he might have envisioned after receiving his so awaited acceptance letter.

Hijikata dialed his brother's number eager to share the news. He held the dorm's phone handle with a slight tremble of enthusiasm, usual candor gone. Already he imagined his brother's face; the upturned lips in a gratified smile, the calm voice breaking to give Hijikata his due sincere praise, the only kind Hijikata truly craved and cherished. After two rings the housekeeper, Mrs. Shiba, picked up. Voice solemn.

"Hijikata household."

"Shiba-san? It's Toshiro, I would like to speak with my brother." Hijikata urged, staring at the letter he had placed beside the phone.

"The Master..." the line went silent for a moment.

Hijikata's hand stopped trembling and he readjusted his grip, troubled by a sense of unease.

"Yes, what about my brother? Has something happened?"

"Master can't come to the phone now," Mrs. Shiba replied. She continued after holding back a sob, poorly, "He's gone to the hospital with the missus."

Hijikata's heart stopped. He stared at his letter but saw nothing. He wanted to demand answers but his throat clenched, no sound came out. He expected the worst.

"It's the little master," Mrs. Shiba said, she'd taken to calling the baby by that name "He didn't sleep well the whole night. They've taken him to the hospital. I fear it's his heart-" another deep sob, "He's not coming back, young master. I'm afraid he's not coming back, such a young life too-"

"I'm sure he will be fine," Hijikata said mechanically "When did they leave?"

"An hour ago."

"And they haven't contacted you yet?"

"Yes, Tamegoro-sama did. Twenty minutes ago. He said the little master is being taken care of, but I'm just so worried, poor thing."

Hijikata had nothing to say. Mrs. Shiba's sentimental outburst found no kindred spirit in Hijikata's. He sighed, glad that nothing bad had happened to his brother, and replied.

"Trust my brother's words or you'll be worrying for nothing."

"Yes, yes, you're right, young master. I'm just worrying for no good reason," Mrs. Shiba said out of breath "I guess my husband was right. He left hollering, saying how I was making a fool of myself, stuck here unable to help. I should go back to my work. Thank you for your kindness, young master. I'll follow your advice," she said gratefully. Hijikata could imagine her small figure holding the phone with both hands while bowing to him hundreds of miles away.

"Is there something I can do for you? Any message you want me to relay?" Mrs. Shiba added. Hijikata's eyes flew back to his acceptance letter and he blushed slightly, embarrassed of his earlier feelings.

"No, it's nothing. Just tell my brother to call me whenever he can."

"Very well, young master."

Hijikata put down the phone and stood in the dorm's hallway motionless. Joy forgotten. It was one of the biggest moments in his life and he had failed to share it with the one person who mattered the most to him. A sudden desire to crumple the letter and send it flying to the nearest trash bin seized him. But he only had to rewind the phone call to abandon the idea.

He took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and walked out of the dorm over to the small backyard area. The smoke had a miraculous effect on his mood, relaxing him enough to stimulate the workings of his brain.

Remorse over the woes of a child unknown to him except by name, and a terrible name at that, upset him. He was sure the baby would be fine as would the family and friends who anguished over his health. Maybe it was Hijikata's certainty in this belief that made him so unfeeling towards the issue. He hated to think it was jealousy on his part for no longer having a real place in his own family or for having been relegated to a place of minor importance. And so, what if he had? It was just as obvious as his belief in his nephew's good health, that a baby had priority over a temperamental young man who'd left home of his own accord to make a life for himself. Yet, this conclusion left a bitter taste in Hijikata's mouth because it added to his growing realization that he was becoming estranged from his family, and consequently, homeless.

For almost two weeks he brooded over the issue. Taking care of procedures to ensure his start at the academy took his mind off things, but his heart was heavy. Hearing laughter pained him and every waking moment in the dorm filled him with guilt. He couldn't find it in him to join normalcy when his indifference to his brother's suffering made him feel so selfish. Besides, much like Mrs. Shiba, he couldn't do anything to help. Distance and bureaucratic obligations made a journey south impossible.

When Tamegoro finally called back, he gave Hijikata a brief and censored version of events with as much detail as his recent anguish allowed. Hijikata paled at how ludicrous the story sounded. He tried to tame the spite building inside him by recalling his previous excitement but he ended up delivering his news in a stoic manner, like his future were a mere afterthought. The words came out rehearsed and Tamegoro's congratulations on his enrollment sounded inevitably as a side note, though a happy one.

Their conversation didn't last long afterward.

"You have to visit us soon. The whole family has come to see Hayato, you're the only one left."

"I'm moving out in a few days. I don't know when they'll give me leave at the academy."

"I see. Well, best of luck to you. Take care of yourself, Toshiro."

"You too, brother."

Hijikata hung up and put down the dorm phone for the last time.

 

 

After the brief chat with his brother, Hijikata's emotional numbness reached every aspect of his life and he oversaw procedures for the move to the academy with cold precision. He attended Kondo's various farewell parties with tact, but he was grave throughout them and the butt of many jokes he had no patience to address at the time. In fact, he was so out of it he didn't notice Gintoki's abnormal aloofness.

They quarreled about Hijikata's cold indifference to usual jokes, but as the days went by, Gintoki became quieter and quieter and Hijikata was so wrapped up in his own problems he rather enjoyed the silence.

Until that night. The last night.

His bags were packed, set together in a corner by the closet. The room was dark and silent, interrupted once in a while by Gintoki's snoring. The idiot had been nonchalant the entire day, shut inside their room reading Jump and drinking that horrible pink milk he'd have defended with his life. Hijikata remembered the night before when he had been folding his clothes, not really aware of what he was packing, just filling up the bag to dispel his thoughts. Gintoki had fallen into one of his quiet moods, gaze cloudy and blank on the page in front of him. Hijikata doubted he had absorbed much of what he'd read. But then again, Hijikata wasn't sure he could list every article of clothing he'd packed that night. He was grateful to have had something to do and with which to keep his hands busy.

As he stared at the ceiling, a storm of thoughts ran amok in his mind and he lost track of time. He hadn't given a thought to what it meant to leave the dorm, nor had he realized until then that it was his last night there. He had been out all day keeping busy, tying up matters at college and taking out his stress at the dojo, one innocent student after another. He'd fallen down on his futon, limbs heavy and tired. The strain almost gave him relief. Every day since his brother's call he had craved the dead-like lull of sleep. But tonight he couldn't keep his eyes closed.

Unlike the idea of a family he could no longer identify with, which he could bear albeit not famously, the fact that, from that day on, he would no longer have the dorm to weight in the opposite side of the balance devastated him. The realization sunk in like a meteorite. Flashes of his daily life blinded him in the dark. The familiar faces and scents. The noises, good and bad, mostly bad. The times he'd been angry to the point of lunacy, and the times he had pretended to be mad not to show how happy he was.

Among everyone there, he knew he would never lose sight of Kondo. He was one of those friends who no matter what Hijikata did or where he wound up, Kondo would show up demanding to be a vital part of his life. He already was. Always had been. It was the thought of losing contact with the other tenants that surprised him. Hijikata hadn't expected to feel so sad at the thought of letting them go. Despite their antics, they had woven themselves into his life and colored his otherwise dull routine with entertaining appearances. He doubted he would ever meet their like again.

He clutched the bed sheets as he considered the new roll of acquaintances he'd have to make at the academy starting tomorrow.

"Shut it down, asshole. You're going to bust a vein working your brain like that!" Gintoki hissed, turning angrily to one side and then another in his mess of sheet and blanket "I can't sleep with all that noise!"

"I thought you _were_ sleeping!" Hijikata answered in the same angry hushed tone.

"I was trying to! I can't even pretend when you're there moping nonstop. Your moping is disrupting my sleeping chakra."

"Fuck you and your sleeping chakra. That's got nothing to do with me!" Hijikata rebutted, hands curling into fists "Besides, you're the one who has been sulking around all week like- Oi!"

The sparse light that penetrated through the window blinds warned Hijikata of the incoming bump. He saw Gintoki stand up and quite deliberately push his futon against Hijikata's.

"What the fuck?!"

"There's a massive stain of strawberry milk on the tatami over there. I think that's what's actually disrupting my sleeping chakra." Gintoki said, settling back down and nestling underneath the covers.

"That's a cheap-ass excuse! It's not my fault you drink that filth! This is my side, get off!" Hijikata muttered, struggling to keep his voice down.

Gintoki looked slightly above his shoulder, not really seeing Hijikata, but turning enough so that his voice could be heard.

"It's just one more night, what do you care?"

The remark subdued Hijikata. He remained motionless staring at the nape of Gintoki's neck, warmth spreading over his body. The silence between them grew at the same rate Hijikata's control slipped away. A lot of questions rushed in as he lay there, plagued by doubts. _Care about what? What do_ you _care? Are you trying to comfort me?_

Hijikata couldn't help but think how not that long ago he had put his arms around that silent frame and buried his face in Gintoki's neck. The same shameless urge possessed him now, but without the pretext of a lift on the other man's scooter his courage dwindled. Why would he even want to do it? Gintoki would never let him live it down. Or perhaps, perhaps... well, what did it matter? Hijikata would be out of there in the morning. Never to see him again. Yes, finally! He'd be able to discard those useless feelings and forget all about the insufferable idiot. Never to share a room with the degenerate again. Heaven! Never to see his face again. Never to hear his stupid complaints. Never to be at arm's length. Never, never, never.

He took a deep breath to sooth the tightening pain in his chest.

"Oi, Mr.-Wannabe-Cop, you're still a hundred years too early to arrest me." Gintoki's mellow voice rang loud and near. Hijikata hadn't noticed his own arm reaching out to clutch Gintoki's t-shirt.

A vein throbbed in his neck, pulse quickening. As Gintoki turned around to face him, Hijikata drew back his hand with a cough, finding it hard to breath. But the little act served him no purpose. Gintoki caught his hand and pulled him back by the wrist.

"What's the charge?"

Hijikata wanted nothing more than to wipe the conceited tone from Gintoki's voice. Several ways came to mind, one in particular very effective though it would silence Gintoki completely and give Hijikata no end to grief. In a panic, he clasped Gintoki's T-shirt with both hands and brought him close enough so Gintoki could feel his whisper.

"Trespassing."

He shoved Gintoki away before their gazes could linger another second on each other, then he turned his back praying for sleep. The rustle of sheets behind him set off thunder in his heart. He felt Gintoki's fingers run through his hair, gentle and enticing, calling to him. He was holding on with all he had to the thought he'd be starved of whatever it was he'd let Gintoki give him. Submitting would be death.

Gintoki's lips were on his shoulder when Hijikata found his hand. He held it for a moment and pressed it.

"Don't."

He had never missed Gintoki's stubbornness like he did at that moment when he pulled away and left Hijikata breathless in the cold. Alone.

 

 

Hijikata hadn't slept a full hour by the time the alarm clock went off. He got up, showered and dressed, anxious to go. He was expected at the academy in less than two hours. After rolling up his futon and storing it in the closet he picked up his bags and made his way out. Gintoki grunted him a faint goodbye, lying half-asleep in his futon. Hijikata almost kicked him.

"What about the rest of your things?" Gintoki asked, rubbing his eyes and noticing a couple of boxes left in the corner.

 _Keep them, think of me_. Hijikata wanted to say, but he checked himself. He had one foot on the hallway already.

"Kondo will ship them to my brother's."

"Oh alright."

"Alright."

And Hijikata was out of the door, out of the room. The door closed behind him and he went down the stairs reluctantly, feet heavy and chest tight. A part of him felt empty while another burst out, dying for breath.

It was early, seven o'clock on the dot. The dorm was so quiet the creak of the floorboards echoed. Hijikata scoffed at the sound, finding his self-awareness ridiculous. He'd never felt so stupid. He tiptoed to the back door, put on his shoes and walked out, the process might have taken him ages, he didn't know.

Clouds drifted across the sky and hid the sun. It had to be some kind of joke.

"Can you move? Or is the weather that interesting?"

The blunt observation startled him. Hijikata turned and frowned at the person standing beside him.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Itou adjusted the glasses falling down his nose and shrugged.

"Waiting for Kondo-san. We're walking together to morning practice," the moment he said it the sound of a flushing toilet came from within indicating Kondo was up "Also, I heard a place is being let since you're leaving," Itou's gaze traveled up and down Hijikata's figure, resting on the straps over his shoulders "Caught you right in the act, didn't I?"

Hijikata frowned in disgust. The thought of Itou in their room sickened him. He'd barely left the dorm and already someone had appeared to take his place. He thought of Gintoki alone in their room, without him. Waiting for the next guy to fill the empty space he had left behind. It hurt to think Gintoki would forget him just as easily as he had the other roommates before him. Hijikata wanted to hurl. He'd give him a piece of his mind first, damn the bastard.

"Stay here, Kondo-san won't take long." Hijikata said to Itou, angling back towards the dorm.

"Where are you going? I thought you were going out!"

Hijikata didn't answer. He was already by the stairs and running up to the room. His return started Gintoki who Hijikata caught sniffing around the boxes he'd left stacked in the corner.

"Hijikata..." his name left Gintoki's mouth in absolute astonishment. Hijikata would have savored the moment if total despair didn't compel his feet forward.

"Did you forget somethin-"

Hijikata's mouth covered Gintoki's in an act of pure selfishness. He had no idea what he would do once he got back in the room but as soon as his eyes fell on Gintoki he knew. Those sad, red eyes that beckoned him to quench his loneliness had never been clearer. Hijikata moved with a shared purpose, Gintoki's arms reached out to hold him and Hijikata crashed into him. His feet stumbled and Gintoki's back hit the wall with the extra weight.

They broke apart for air, but Hijikata wasn't quite sure what air was at that moment. His legs trembled and he held on to Gintoki's shoulders to keep upright. His cheeks and neck burned with heat and he feared to look in Gintoki's eyes else he'd fall apart. The stream of nonsense that poured out of Gintoki's mouth didn't help his composure either.

"That night of the festival, I was gonna dare you to kiss me," Gintoki whispered, struggling to find his voice. His eyes, seconds before widened with surprise, were reduced to smoldering slits that studied every inch of Hijikata's face, "And last night, and I don't know how many nights before."

"Why didn't you?"

Hijikata's careless reply begot some inspiration. Gintoki's hands came up to hold him in place and he kissed him deeply, moving back from the wall to press his whole body against Hijikata's. The whimpers he'd tried to hold back fled into Gintoki's open mouth and the grunts he got in return sent his churning blood directly to his groin. Every inch of his body craved with desire, lost in Gintoki's touches and hoping to repay him a thousand fold. Naive thoughts consumed him. What if he stayed? Maybe he could stay here with Gintoki. Pursue the foolish law profession his family envisioned for him, settle for a path cut out for him that required no hassle, just this. Gintoki's lips over his, his hands buried in his hair and hips bucking into each other. If people were going to call him selfish any way, why should he care?

The sound of the dorm's back door banging shut cut Hijikata out of his reverie. Kondo's cheerful laugh reached his ears. All at once the image of his friend popped into his mind as bold and real as that of his brother, his teachers, his future. He pulled away from Gintoki alarmed.

"I have to go."

"You didn't come back?" Gintoki asked bewildered.

"No, this is goodbye."

Hijikata said the words wishing to believe them. He moved towards Gintoki but his touch was unwelcome. Gintoki slapped his hand away and walked to his futon. Hijikata got nothing in parting but a vision of his back.

"I never want to see you again."

"Likewise."

*****

* * *

The neighborhood was no Ginza, no Roppongi, nothing that could be described with having anything to do with class. Thus, the cafe Itou had chosen contained the minimum required for a place where a pair of suit jobs might be found at. Small, discreet and costly enough that it had its own select local clientele.

"A police officer breaking and entering into private property during duty hours," Itou savored the words as he twirled his drink "Are you the same Hijikata I met all those years ago?"

"Chief Inspector." Hijikata noted.

"I stand corrected, Chief Inspector," Itou replied, nodding towards Hijikata's cup of coffee "No drinking on duty either, I see."

"I'm actually on my lunch break." Hijikata claimed, clearing his throat.

"And you decided to spent it visiting that wreck? Well, I am honored."

"I'm not surprised you're still a prick."

Itou chuckled.

"Hah, that's more like it, Hijikata-san. Still, I didn't know you were so attached to the old place," he ventured, "I didn't think you were attached to anything, really."

Hijikata took out his cigarette pack and refrained from answering. He didn't believe Itou had any real interest in his feelings, which meant the sneak was fishing for an opening, careful to conceal his game. Hijikata would have none of it. He'd smoke one cigarette and be out of there, courtesy call or not.

"It's funny, isn't it? I seem to remember being there when you moved out," Itou said, glancing at the _Smokers Area_ plate on the wall and frowning, "It was around the time I was looking for a new place. Kondo-san was helping me out, but you turned out to be my savior. Got myself a big room after you left the dorm. Ended up getting quite attached to the place too. Did Kondo tell you how I bought it from him some years later?"

"Yeah, he mentioned something," Hijikata uttered, blowing out a wisp of smoke, "But I didn't do you any favors. Can't say that room was very big for two people."

"I guess I'm a lucky guy." Itou declared with a sneer. Hijikata took another drag and entertained himself with a scenario where he put out his cigarette in Itou's left eye.

"That crazy roommate of yours left a few days after you," Itou continued, "Don't know where he went to, but I got that whole room to myself afterward since I could afford it."

Hijikata put his cigarette down almost missing the ashtray.

"I still saw him at the dojo once in a while. The big contender," a touch of venom accompanied Itou's words, "Never fought me. Never fought anyone. I still think Kondo must have been confusing him with someone else, I mean, that loser-"

"I don't care about that," Hijikata cut him short, "What's this little chat all about, any way?"

"I thought talking about the good old years at the dorm would interest you since Kondo-san broke you the news," Itou remarked condescendingly, "It even warranted a visit as far as I know."

"I was curious, that's all," Hijikata replied in haste "It has been a while since I've been in these parts."

"I can only imagine, Chief Inspector. The academy did you some good after all."

"Why wouldn't it?"

"No reason, just making conversation." Itou said, picking up his drink.

"And you, what do you do now, besides tearing down old buildings?"

Itou cleared his throat before replying. He had that arrogant look back in his eye, pleased with the fact he knew more than Hijikata wished him to reveal.

"I don't tear down old buildings. I deal with investments. This one just so happens to be mine. Here have my card." he took out a small silver holder from the inside pocket of his jacket and slid Hijikata his business card. It read _Itou Kamotarou, Fund Consultant_ typed in elegant but austere characters with a row of numbers on the bottom.

"Yeah, I'll be sure _not_ to call you." Hijikata joked. It amused him that Itou had a job as abject as his personality.

"I'll make you a rich man if you let me."

"I'm fine, thanks."

"Oh really? Then why are you not married yet? Aren't you like thirty now? I suppose being a career-man didn't help you so far."

Itou's comment achieved its purpose. It paved the way for Hijikata's fury. Itou had always been good at pushing people's buttons. One might even say Itou had sharpened that skill at the dojo when he sought to influence the moves of his opponent.

"That's none of your business." Hijikata hissed.

"You know, a friend of mine could swear he saw you at a gokon some years ago, around the time your promotion appeared in the papers. We had a laugh."

"I don't know any friends of yours and I don't go to any group parti-"

"Group blind dates." Itou corrected him.

"Whatever!" Hijikata hammered his cigarette butt into the astray, ready to leave. Whatever sense of misguided curiosity had led him to accept Itou's invitation had run out.

"I heard some juicy details. Do you care to go over them with me?"

"Go fuck yourself." Hijikata muttered, standing up.

"Oh my, isn't that slander, Chief Inspector? What if I sue you for defamation of character?"

"Your fucking character is a defamation. I gotta get back to work."

Hijikata left the table, coffee cup cold and half-drunk. He lit another cigarette as he walked out.

"I hope you had a good time at the dorm today, Hijikata-san. Tomorrow it will be gone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I didn't plan to make this chapter a sort of 'Hijikata special' but the more I write the more writing the story demands. It seems I'm doomed to be eternally at war with my original outline \sigh. I've hinted at a few future flashbacks in this chapter, so expect more of those to come. As always, thanks for reading and thanks to everyone who left a comment, your words and support are very precious to me.


	12. When It Rains, It Rains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE ON THE TEXT: (*) means end of flashback.

No matter how pristine the floor, how white the walls, a hospital was a hospital. The pastel colors of the waiting area imprisoned Gintoki and Sougo in a parallel reality that had nothing to do with the sight of Mitsuba's trembling body on the floor, gasping for air and staining her clothes with blood. The other people in the room looked as grave and disturbed as they did, long faces reigning in their emotions and eyes glued to the clock ticking above their heads.

Beside Gintoki, Sougo's gaze flew from the clock on the wall to the small television set on the corner where a muted newscaster reported events which seemed to have no bearing on their lives whatsoever. Aside from the nurses who scurried back and forth unaffected, most people who walked by the waiting area left it with an expression of guilt, unable to do anything for the heads that turned at the slightest sound of footsteps. The tension in the air was palpable.

Gintoki had had more than his share of reasons to loathe hospitals; doctors that spoke in tongues, impregnable nurses, crap food, the endless sound of IV drips, the forsaken space where they sat, the endless wait. He'd been through it all before, and he could see the same grudge begin to form in Sougo's countenance until two pairs of dashing feet drew their attention.

Tae came rushing from the entrance trailing Kagura by the hand. The latter jumped onto Gintoki's lap as soon as she got within reach and Gintoki was glad to have her in his arms calling his name in her childish voice and enveloping him with the scents of cheap perfume and salty snacks, traces of an interrupted afternoon of fun.

"I'll go get you two something to drink. Do you want anything, Kagura-chan?" Tae asked.

Kagura shook her head and slipped out of Gintoki's lap to take the seat beside him.

"I'll be right back." Tae said and scuttled away to the nearest vending machine.

Kagura bent slightly forward to glance at Sougo who had resumed his stoic gaze at the TV.

"Is Mitsu-chan gonna be alright?"

Gintoki told her the first thing that came to mind.

"Yeah, the doctors will make her better in no time."

Whether that was the truth or a lie only the future would tell, yet Gintoki would rather pick a lie than rob Kagura and Sougo, who remained a silent tomb beside him, of any hope.

"Can she come home with us?"

"I don't know yet."

Tae returned with two beverages and handed them to Gintoki. He thanked her and gave Sougo the fruit soda, keeping the iced coffee for himself. He winced as the bitter taste slid down his dry throat, unaware of his own thirst. Despite the coffee's cinder-like aftertaste in his mouth, he finished it with a few sips. In their present circumstances, Gintoki doubted he could drink or eat anything sweet.

Tae took the seat next to Kagura and looked around the waiting room searching for nurses and medical staff. A pointless exercise if there ever was one.

"How long have you been here?" Tae asked him, eyes prowling.

"Don't know, half an hour maybe."

"Have the nurses said anything? How is she?"

"I don't know. They're running tests." Gintoki replied. He didn't want to go into detail about the causes of Mitsuba's collapse in front of the kids. The ER doctor had already spooked Sougo enough when alluding to the possible lung diseases they'd have to look out for in her exams. Sougo had stood frozen in place as he watched the nurses carrying his sister away in a stretcher and not much had changed in his countenance since then.

"Did you tell Kondo?" Gintoki asked Tae. He ran a hand over his hair, trying to rack his brains for the answer to his own question. He couldn't remember half his conversation with Tae over the phone an hour ago. At the time he had been too worried about getting to the hospital with Sougo, following the ambulance in his scooter as fast as he could and hoping the smaller hands grasping his jacket wouldn't lose their grip.

"Of course I did, who do you take me for?" Tae said with some distaste "I may despise the sight of that gorilla, but I know how important Mitsuba-san is to him," her voice softened and she leaned forward to look in Sougo's direction "He said he'd come as soon as he was done contacting his students. There were a few afternoon classes to cancel and the kids' practice as well."

Sougo gave a short nod in reply, unable to look her in the eye. Gintoki tried to shift the focus of the conversation away from Sougo's anxious figure.

"What about Shinpachi? Stuck at cram school? He's gonna fry his brain if you send him there every day."

"No, Gin-san, he is gonna excel in his studies and make something of himself," Tae refuted "Unlike some people."

Gintoki bit the inside of his mouth to hold back a cheeky comeback. Any other day he'd have thwarted a further exchange of words with the headstrong Shimura overlord, but at the moment he had little choice stuck between a teenage nerve wreck and a brash little girl who might blurt out the most insensitive, outlandish thing if not properly indulged.

"And you," he turned to Kagura and leaned back in his seat, noticing the way her hands fidgeted as she took in her surroundings "What did you do besides filling your gob and paint your nails?"

Kagura brightened at his question. Her eyebrows raised in excitement and she instantly forgot the solemn atmosphere of the waiting room.

"Lots! But I only ate Shinpachi's snacks because Anego said they were bad for him. He should be eating vitamins to help him study and all, so I got to fill my tummy with snacks. Oh! And I asked Anego to make my eyelashes big like Mai-chan's but then she tried to torture me and-"

"Kagura-chan is afraid of the eyelash curler." Tae noted.

Kagura lunged at Gintoki and pulled him down by the collar, bringing their faces close together.

"Don't listen to her, Gin-chan," she whispered "She tried to torture me with that thing, you know how Anego sometimes tries to poison us with her fried rice, right? Gin-chan, I'm telling the truth, you have to believe me. She was going to pop my eyes out!"

The next half hour went by in a flash as Gintoki and Tae entertained Kagura's lively mood and indulged her with silly conversations, keen to distract her from the misery of their predicament. When she finally settled down, Tae took advantage of Kagura's first yawn to began explaining to her the workings of the hospital, from the different types of doctors to the staff that ran the cafeteria, and not ten minutes later Kagura had leaned against Tae, eyes heavy, lulled by her soothing voice.

Kondo's arrival coincided with the doctor's. He came in shaking rain droplets off his coat, footsteps echoing the tension he could not hide from his face. He was patting Gintoki's shoulder with one hand and surveying the rest of the group when the doctor showed up, a glisten of sweat over his brow.

"You are Okita Mitsuba's family, am I correct?"

Kondo stepped up at once and greeted the doctor, taking charge of the situation. Sougo shot up from his seat to stand beside Kondo, fists clenched and eyes darting from one man to the other. Gintoki's shoulders sagged despite the anticipation and he took a moment to wallow in relief at relinquishing the responsibility over their plight. He couldn't remember a time when he had been gladder to see Kondo. His stiff legs cracked as he got up and he joined the conversation with the doctor, leaving Tae behind to wake a sleeping Kagura.

As expected, Mitsuba's prognostic wasn't good. Gintoki understood it the moment the doctor's gaze met his own. Gintoki glanced at his side and noticed Kondo's hand clamped on Sougo's shoulder like a hook, steady, comforting. Sougo held on silently, listening to complicated words he was too distressed to make out.

"She will have to stay. Her immune system is not responding well and it is crucial that it does for us to start treatment. I've sent word to her doctor about the disease's reactivation and we will coordinate what steps to take after she stabilizes. Most people do not need hospital admission for active pulmonary tuberculosis, but it seems we are dealing with a latent case and until we are sure she can safely start her long course of antibiotics at home we must keep her here."

Kondo and Gintoki nodded, absorbing the information as well as they could. It was Sougo who spoke next, breaking the silence with a quivering voice.

"Can I see her?"

"I would advise against it," the doctor replied mechanically "They're moving her to the ICU ward right now. She needs rest above anything else."

"He's her brother," Kondo pleaded "Couldn't you make an exception?"

"Well,-"

"Is there some risk of infection?"

"Not in latent cases, but once Mitsuba-san stabilizes, our treatment team will assess whether other people close to her are at risk. You should leave your contacts at the front desk-"

"Please!" Sougo's voice rose a notch. Gintoki's hand twitched with a spasm of feeling.

"I know you must be anxious to see her, but her condition right now is fragile. She's stable but not breathing by herself. We're monitoring every response. I advise you to go home, eat your dinner and sleep. But if you still insist I'll have a nurse attend you."

The doctor called a nurse to usher Sougo away to see his sister and, after they left, he gave Kondo and Gintoki fleet instructions about the following procedures. When he was done, he bade them a good day, relegated every other question to the front desk, and disappeared back to the E.R. block. While they waited for Sougo's return, Kondo bombarded the poor woman at the front desk with questions, turning it almost into an interrogatory scene, yet never forgetting his politeness. He filled the forms for Mitsuba's hospitalization and Gintoki and Tae left their contact information along with Kondo's; his name at the top of the list.

Sougo returned with watery eyes, doing his best to keep a strong face. Outside a taxi awaited them. Heavy rain battered against the glass panels which framed the hospital's front entrance and Gintoki realized, with plummeting hopes, he was stuck with his scooter. Kagura held onto his jacket confused, eyes still foggy with sleep.

"You know, I'm really jealous of all your naps." he told her.

"You're always taking naps, Gin-chan."

"No, I'm not. Closing your eyes isn't all there is to a nap. You'll learn that someday."

"You two cut the idle chat," Tae's commanding voice called them "You're not taking Kagura-chan in your scooter in this rain, not unless you want to be back here tonight. She can stay at the dojo with us. Shinpachi will take her to school tomorrow." she sent Gintoki a look that dismissed objections. He didn't have any.

He watched Tae and Kagura get inside the taxi after a solemn Sougo who hadn't bothered to shield from the rain. Damp bangs stuck to his forehead and hid his eyes. Meanwhile, Kondo had finished talking arrangements with the taxi driver and turned back towards the hospital front. Gintoki waved at him, expecting Kondo to wave back and be on his way, eager to get Sougo away, but Kondo bridged the distance between them with a couple of steps and grabbed Gintoki's hand in a firm grip, eyes blazing with emotion. His intensity started Gintoki, who thought himself too drained to be able to feel a single drop of rain.

"Thank you, Gintoki," Kondo's words rang loud and clear as if they could drown out the sound of the rain "Thank you for what you did. You saved her life."

Gintoki was too numb to reply. Kondo's spirit enthralled him.

"Don't worry about Sougo. I'll take care of him. He can stay with me while Mitsuba - while Mitsuba gets better." he paused to catch his breath and the gaze he had fixed on Gintoki dropped. A million thoughts ran amok in his mind, hindering his speech. Gintoki shook his hand to jolt him out of it.

"Oi Gori, keep it cool."

The corners of Kondo's tight lips turned up in a vague smile.

"You're right, you're right," he said "I'm sure she will get better. I need to call her mother and her workplace, I'll stop by the apartment tomorrow with Sougo to get some things. We'll visit her first thing after Sougo comes back from school. To tell you the truth, I don't know how I'll get him to go. He is dying to see her. I don't know how I'll get him to sleep tonight."

"He's young. Either he won't sleep at all or he's gonna sleep like a rock," Gintoki said "Worrying yourself to death does that."

"I guess you're right."

Gintoki shrugged and looked over Kondo's shoulder towards the taxi where Kagura was drawing pictures in the foggy windows, elbow jutted out in Sougo's face.

"You should go before Kagura takes the wheel."

Kondo gave Gintoki's shoulder another squeeze, not knowing what else to do to express his gratitude, and turned to follow his advice when a thought seized him. He smacked himself on the forehead and exclaimed.

"Shit- Toshi!"

A multitude of things followed those two words, all of them happening inside Gintoki and stirring back up the iced coffee he had gulped down earlier. It was as if a link had been forged between the two realities he had inhabited that day, the one before Mitsuba's collapse and the one after. He wasn't sure if Hijikata's name had been the last word she'd spoken, but if it hadn't, he surely must have been the one thing on her mind before speech abandoned her.

Gintoki buried his hands in the pockets of his jacket. A shiver ran down his spine. The whole span of his conversation with Mitsuba hailed down on him, harder and heftier than the rain wheezing about. His chest clenched to secure his increasing heart rate while in his head a number of horrifying ideas followed one after the other.

"I gotta call Toshi, I..." Kondo's eyes hesitated between Gintoki and the taxi behind him.

Gintoki grimaced as he watched the thoughts in Kondo's mind become the drivel he spoke next.

"Gintoki, would you do me one last favor?"

Gintoki glanced briefly at his parked scooter bathing in the pouring rain. Katsura's question resonated in the back of his mind.

_Are you going to see him?_

"Why the hell not."

It wasn't like his day could get any worse.

 

Gintoki's day could not only get worse, it could actually turn out to be one of the worst days of all time. He changed his mind the second his foot hit the brake pad and he stopped in front of Hijikata's apartment building. His heart sank in, much like every sodden piece of clothing he wore.

Night had fallen and the rain hadn't let up. After everyone had left in the taxi, Gintoki had wasted another two hours at the hospital, hoping mother nature would give him a break. He was too much of an idiot to acknowledge his bad luck. He was also too much of an idiot to play the harbinger of bad news to a rude, foulmouthed, rich prick who Gintoki wouldn't be able to stomach in all the glory of his starved, drenched, and weary pathetic self.

But unlike many other occasions where he'd stepped up to a good deed, this time Gintoki had more reasons to go through with it rather than simple sheer will. He parked his scooter by the road and walked up to the front door of the building, focusing on the sensory overload engulfing his dread. The wet heavy clothes rustled against his skin and he trembled slightly at the biting cold. His socks were so soggy he seemed to step into a puddle every time he shifted his feet.

He rang Hijikata's doorbell a few hundred times. Anxiety mixed with impatience and the need to get some place dry vanquished whatever sense of propriety he had left.

"Of course, today of all days the bastard has to be out."

Gintoki cursed aloud to relieve the tension, but it didn't help. His mind swirled with images of Mitsuba spitting blood and Sougo's leg jiggling up and down in the waiting room. What a shit day. Water dripped down Gintoki's hair and got into his eyes. He blinked the raindrops away, shook his head but only made it worse. His eyes reddened. He was too cold to withdraw his hands from under his armpits and rub at the itchy sensation. Another set of images burst forth after he sneezed; Kagura slurping down a bowl of hot noodles, Shinpachi asking Tae if she had given Gintoki money to buy an umbrella, Otose smoking by the small window of her apartment waiting for him to get home.

Gintoki might have laughed if he wasn't soaked head to toe. He sniffed, failing to sigh, desperate for air that was not damp and crisp, and suddenly a pair of black leather shoes came into view, supple but sturdy enough to weather the rain, with a dim shine that withstood the half-darkness of the street. Those shoes must have cost more than Gintoki's entire late rent. He didn't need to raise his head to guess who they belonged to.

"Y-you're fucking late." Gintoki groaned, teeth chattering.

There was a soft jangle of keys before the front door unlocked and Hijikata replied.

"Get in."

* * *

 8 YEARS AGO

Gintoki sped through the narrow streets that connected the local subway station to the dorm's mazelike neighborhood. He had finished a couple of errands for Otose, plus a row of deliveries for a few local sleazebag merchants. He revved his scooter with glee, pleased beyond words at his latest investment. Despite Gengai's mockery, which the old man used to wash his hands off any and all responsibility over the dusty scooter, Gintoki was pleased. Not only had he found a way to escape the boring hours at the dorm, he had found a way to make them profitable. The money he got from these new little commissions was no fortune, he was lucky if he managed to cover the gas expenses, and Otose didn't take enough pity on him to up the ante, she never did. But, regardless of minor details, Gintoki had some money on his pocket, money to spend, and he couldn't wait to do just that.

He drove by the old crumbling buildings near the station, past the raggedy board signs of drinking places and izakayas on the brink of closure, pondering on the best way to spend his meager funds. The usual options sprang up, evening at the pachinko parlour, sugar splurge at the maid cafe where they served the most elaborate and expensive chocolate parfaits. The two options circled each other without resolution, while his more immediate cravings drifted towards easier alternatives such as booze and strawberry flavored snacks.

He stopped at a red light and glanced at the bookstore by the road. A mother and her child were leaving with a bag full of books while two high school girls in uniform perused the magazines in the stands outside. Without much thought Gintoki swung his scooter aside and parked. He went inside the bookstore and two minutes later returned with the latest issue of Jump. Perhaps saving his money and spending a quiet afternoon in his room reading was the best option after all. Besides, Hijikata had left in the wee hours of the morning for some exam and no one knew when he would be back. Gintoki counted on sooner rather than later, though he couldn't decide which option he favored best.

He took off again and not two streets away a familiar figure caught his attention, forcing him to squint and regain his breath. Hijikata walked in the direction of the dojo, shoulders slouched, looking abnormally gloomy. Gintoki had to repress a laugh.

Once the light turned green, Gintoki veered at the next intersection and slowed down by the sulking figure.

"Oi, Doom-Town! You're ruining the view."

A thin column of smoke trailed after Hijikata as he walked.

"What's this? The mute game?" Gintoki wondered "You know smoking is bad for you, right?"

The last observation drew a reaction. Hijikata sent him an evil look, probably cursing Gintoki in three hundred different ways and in words laced with incomprehensible mumbling. Gintoki squirmed as he imagined it.

"The test went that well, uh?"

Hijikata's frown deepened and he tossed his cigarette away in frustration. Gintoki pulled up his scooter and leaned on the front cover, acting out sham fascination.

"How many questions did you get wrong? Wait, don't tell me," he paused for effect then continued, "Let me guess, one?" that earned Gintoki another glare, but he was in too high spirits not to enjoy Hijikata's eyes on him "Don't worry about it. Smartasses like you always freak out over their answers and end up getting top grades. It's unbearable, trust me."

"Fuck off."

"I'll give you a lift to the dorm if you want."

"I'm going to the dojo!" Hijikata replied in a fuss. He was clearly in a hurry to go purge his bad mood on willing victims. Gintoki knew the drill, but he had better plans for Hijikata today, plans inspired by the money currently tucked away in his pocket.

"Hop on, I'll take you there. You look like you're gonna kill the next person you see and I kinda depend on the old lady that runs the cleaners."

"Depend?" the semblance of a smile crossed Hijikata's lips. He pulled out the scooter's footpegs and climbed on intrigued, "I've seen you wear the same clothes everyday for two whole weeks."

"Her washing machines are leaky." Gintoki said, handing Hijikata his helmet.

"So you're a crook plumber now?"

"Just shut the hell up before I change my mind."

As much as Gintoki liked to imagine Hijikata as a country bumpkin, for the true meaning of the word added to the raw charm Hijikata aimed to shed in his relentless pursuit of propriety and order, Hijikata had adapted too quickly to the city life. More often than not, he proved to be two steps ahead of Gintoki and if that wasn't a challenge for him to step up his game nothing was. It took Hijikata less than two wrong turns to start complaining. Gintoki couldn't make out his words at the speed they were going and, to insure it, he sped up even more. Hijikata soon ceased his babbling and proceeded to readjust his position. Gintoki commended himself on the gimmick, glad to have no more whispers and incoherent noises of protest behind his ear, yet his plan backfired in the best possible way. He had trouble slowing down after Hijikata traded he firm grip he had on his hips for two arms wrapped tightly around his waist.

Yeah, getting the scooter had been pretty fucking genius. 

 

The lights dimmed announcing the impending start of the movie. Gintoki scuttled in the half-light towards his seat, arms full of popcorn, candy and soft drinks. Hijikata rolled his eyes as Gintoki sat down, arms crossed, still digesting all three of their earlier arguments. The first had been about Gintoki's driving, which Hijikata had deemed a danger to civilians and pavement alike, and deserving of the highest fine imaginable; the second had started before they had been done with the first, that is, when Gintoki stopped in front of a ten-story building and Hijikata realized he had been dragged to a movie theater in the middle of the afternoon; last but not least came the choice of movie which left the girl at the ticket counter huffing in exasperation.

"Don't you have any respect for your health?" Hijikata asked, glaring at the mountain of food on Gintoki's lap. He had gone straight towards the screen room and abandoned Gintoki to the lines at the concession stand, finding his patience stretched so thin he had no appetite.

"You know that guy Smoker from Wan Piece? Yeah, the one who _smokes?_ " Gintoki said, taking a big gulp of his drink.

Hijikata took the hint but didn't reply. He faced the blank screen in front of them in silence, hands gripping the sides of his seat, shutting himself in. Gintoki examined him from the corner of his eye. He had done everything he could to take Hijikata's mind off the dreary place it had been in since he'd had found him moping in plain daylight, yet he knew there was something Hijikata kept mulling over, something that had nothing to do with Gintoki's impulsive plans. He couldn't understand what kind of exam had him so worked up. Hijikata was usually very pragmatic about the things he let affect him and academic work wasn't one of them. His ridiculous study discipline had been implemented to prevent that, as had his increasing self-restraint over all things happy and fun.

"You know, the movie is starting and I have to know what the hell you're so stressed about," Gintoki said after two agonizing minutes of chewing popcorn "I even let you choose the movie, I deserve some compensation."

"This morning I went to take the national public service exam at the police academy."

"What?"

The lights turned off and the movie screen lit up with bright colors. A thunderous orchestra led the first preview and its boom matched the one inside Gintoki's chest.

He leaned towards Hijikata's seat to yell in his ear.

"So all this time I've been sharing a room with a cop?!"

"I'm not a cop yet!" Hijikata shouted back.

"But you will be. That's how I'll remember it in the future, how I shared a room with a cop!"

"If I pass, you won't have to worry about it. You can have the room all to yourself!"

The first preview ended on that note and Gintoki carried the weight of Hijikata's last sentence till the lights came back on two hours later.

The candy and popcorn Gintoki had spent half his precious money on sat on his lap untouched. On the screen the credits rolled to the sound of tender violins and people leaving their seats. Beside him, Hijikata hastened to wipe away his tears after the movie's emotional ending.

Gintoki realized two things then. Hijikata cried at movies and he was in love with him.

 ***** 

* * *

 

Hijikata leaned over his balcony in absolute anguish. The rain fell hard with no intention to stop. His forearms resisted against the cold railing, but he'd rather let them freeze and rot than go back inside and listen to the sound of his running shower.

After a day of interminable work, and the exceptional foray into self-indulgence, he was in the worst mood to see anyone, much less believe the sight that awaited him at his door step. Bad luck, good luck, he cared for neither. Instinct had led him to take Gintoki inside and offer him a shower and a change of clothes. Hijikata had even gone so far as to order food for the two of them, seeing as he couldn't skip a meal with a guest over. Ridiculous. He mourned his plans for the evening with a long drag of his cigarette. On his way home from work, he had fantasied about skipping dinner altogether in exchange for a couple of beers and a shortcut to undisturbed sleep. He wanted to forget his entire day, especially Itou's face and presumptuous voice. After their encounter, every second that had gone by had been a second Hijikata regretted going to the dorm, a second he had spent wishing he had thrown his stale coffee in Itou's face-

A ring at the door stopped him from elaborating on his last thought. Hijikata put out his cigarette and went to answer the door with money in hand, ready to pay the delivery guy. The exchange made him feel normal, removed from the abnormalities of the day but his heart nearly jumped out of his mouth when he closed the door and saw Gintoki standing in the hallway.

Steam blew from the bathroom and wafted about like fog, clinging to Gintoki's tall frame. He wore the clothes Hijikata had left for him in the bathroom stool, a black sweater and an old pair of gray sweats. They fitted him well enough. Hijikata hadn't fretted much about sizes since they'd always shared a similar height and build. But he noticed how his shirt tightened about Gintoki's upper arms and drew hard lines over the span of his shoulders. Either the shirt was too old or he was. In Gintoki's presence there was no accounting ten years of estrangement. Hijikata got too distraught.

"I didn't like these pants then and I don't like them now." Gintoki declared before strutting off to the living room.

Hijikata's ears reddened. It astonished him time and again how carefree Gintoki reacted to any situation. Hijikata didn't know why the hell he was even there, he wanted him out, desperately so, no true panic equaled the urgency with which he needed him gone, and yet he could already feel it, that seamless ease setting in, so familiar it scared him.

"Did you buy me dinner?" a dash of surprise bore through Gintoki's heavy tone of exhaustion.

Hijikata had no means by which to answer Gintoki's question. He took out the bentos from the bag and placed them on the table without ceremony, enduring Gintoki's inexhaustible supply of inadequate things to say, hoping he would just take the fucking hint and go.

"This must be a first."

"Is beer alright with you?" Hijikata took out a beer-pack and closed the door of the fridge before Gintoki replied.

"It will do, if you don't have anything stronger."

Hijikata placed the pack of beer on the dining table, avoiding eye contact. He tried to steer his senses away from Gintoki, but the melancholy draped all over him proved impossible to ignore.

"Bad day?"

Gintoki sat down in front of him, eyes and hands darting to the nearest beer can.

"I don't even know where to start."

"Then don't." Hijikata said. He picked up his chopsticks and focused on his bento, fighting the urge to chug a whole can of beer down his throat. Questions circled inside his brain ringing like shrieks and, in haste, the answers came easily, spurred by those detestable feelings which had gripped him back at the dorm earlier that day. The conclusion was clearer than ever now. Gintoki had known. He had known all along the dorm was going to be pulled down and with it the one thing that bound them together. The certainty was enough to eclipse every other thought from Hijikata's mind.

Gintoki cut short his long sip and put down his beer with a slight frown, confusion laying about his open mouth.

"Do you..."

"I know. You don't have to say anything." Hijikata said, resolute in not debating the issue.

"You know? What? W-what do you-" Gintoki had trouble putting words together "You _know_? How? Did Kondo call you?"

Hijikata looked at Gintoki for the first time genuinely riled. He found it insulting that Gintoki thought the news about the dorm wouldn't reach him, wouldn't even bother him. The idea put Hijikata in the same position he'd had put Gintoki before and he resented it, more so because his real position, conscious of how he'd let the whole business affect him, prevented him from acting out and showing his true feelings.

"He told me, alright? Now just shut up and eat. I need to be up early tomorrow."

They ate in silence, oblivious to the rain outside, each absorbed by their own inner thoughts. Hijikata barely registered Gintoki's voice when he finished his bento and put down his chopsticks.

"Thanks for the meal."

"Don't mention it."

"Hey, Hijikata..."

Gintoki dropped his voice to a whisper. The pause ruined Hijikata and his pulse picked up. He saw Gintoki's hand flex and reach out in a daze.

"I know it must be painful for you."

The lights inside the room were too dim. Hijikata reached for his beer and, finding it empty, rustled his pockets in search of his cigarette pack.

"What do you know about me?" the words came out bitterer than he intended, but once he started he was unable to stop, "Nothing."

Gintoki pulled back his hand and sighed. He rose to leave but Hijikata was unhinged. He knew in that moment he was back where they'd left off all those years ago, and he was alone in that submission. Anger and shame mixed with alcohol and clouded his judgment, colluding to wring from Gintoki the confession he wanted to hear.

"Painful to me? Are you trying to make look like an idiot?" Hijikata failed to light his cigarette and put it out unlit, breaking it in half "I mean, this day couldn't go worse if I wanted it to," he muttered under his breath, "I let you in and you come spouting this bullshit. It's unbelievable, why did you even- hey! Where the hell do you think you're goin'?"

Gintoki had left the table without a word. He was already by the front door when Hijikata caught up with him.

"I'm not done yet!"

"Well, I am. I shouldn't have come," Gintoki said, putting on his shoes "Don't know what the fuck I was thinking."

He opened the front door but Hijikata banged it shut before Gintoki could do so much as put one foot forward.

"Where were you?"

Hijikata's question fell on deaf ears. Gintoki looked at him completely lost.

"Where the fuck were you? You weren't there." Hijikata's voice broke after the last word and a wave of heat burst forth from his gut spreading everywhere. He tried to clear his throat and cover it up. The hand he had laid open against the front door fell weightless beside him.

"You make me look like a fucking idiot and then you come here playing the victim? Fuck you!"

He pointed an accusing finger which Gintoki was quick to shove away, stirred to action by staggering disbelief.

"What the hell?" the stoic expression Gintoki had borne instants before, consigned to the abandonment of his duty, had turned into a grimace "You're not making any sense. I didn't even want to come!"

"Then why did you?"

Before Gintoki could explain himself they were all over each other, desperate, trying to cram ten years of yearning into a single kiss.

Hijikata had his eyes closed, hands gripping his own sweater on Gintoki's body. The play of desire and alcohol had prompted the cruel move, cruel to him and Gintoki alike, yet he reveled in the sensations, tongue plying Gintoki's mouth open and hands sliding to the back of his neck, pulling him close. He clung harder as some piece inside him broke. It felt wrong, different. Nothing like he remembered it. He gasped when Gintoki grabbed his shoulders and pulled away forcibly.

Numbness followed the rejection and Hijikata wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I though this was what you wanted." he said.

Gintoki couldn't stop shaking his head, breathing hard. Hijikata hated the sight of him.

"No – I mean, it's not that- I-"

"Fuck, I really am an idiot," Hijikata chuckled "Playing right into your hand like always."

He might have choked, laughing at himself. Inside everything hurt, but the pain cleansed him of his reveries and anxiety. Now that he knew where Gintoki stood with him decisions were easier to make.

"Get out."

He opened the front door and stepped aside.

"Wait a second. Let me finish what I have to say, you just caught me by surprise!" Gintoki exclaimed.

"Surprise!? Are you kidding me? This is exactly what you wanted, isn't it? Always finding subtle ways to get to me so I can't think of anything else but you." The flush had disappeared from Hijikata's cheeks, his wounded pride hardened every word he got out and made him impervious to Gintoki's pleading face.

"Hijikata, just listen to me-" Gintoki grabbed the door to prevent Hijikata from shutting it in his face but Hijikata was determined to have the last say. He wanted no explanations, no excuses. He just wanted the day to be over, the dorm razed to the ground and his front door closed with Gintoki on the other side.

"You know, you were right. We should never have seen each other again."

Gintoki didn't fight back after that. Hijikata closed the door and resumed his evening plans, which included some more drinking before going to sleep, sheltered from the pouring rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: For a while there I thought I wasn't gonna be able to post this before the end of the year, but inspiration finally came through. Thank you so much for reading. I was so nervous about posting the previous chapter, but the feedback made it all worth it! Your comments healed my soul, for real. Thank you again and again. This chapter is also full of angst, Gintoki and Hijikata met under very different states of mind, but I'm working on some light at the end of the tunnel ;)


	13. Out of Sight, Out of Mind is a Lie

A crescendo of pain roused Gintoki from sleep along with what could only be delirious hallucination. The rending headache was almost bearable at the sight of his own room and the smell of his own futon, a natural reaction if not for the fact Gintoki was actually there, living and breathing. He had an inkling, over the edge of reason, that he had spent the previous night ensuring he wouldn't wake up in his room, indeed, for a brief second, he might even have hoped not to wake up at all. In his current haze of sleep and bewilderment, Gintoki couldn't be sure. Yet the hangover did nothing if not confirm the attempt and its consequential failure.

Two knocks at the front door rammed that notion home. The knocking blew up in his ears and he dove back into his futon ceasing all efforts to return to reality. He curled up into a ball under the covers, clinging to Kagura's belief that a curled up position was impenetrable and therefore free from harm.

Unfortunately, few things were impenetrable to Otose who had a spare key to Gintoki's apartment. She appeared at his bedroom door with her usual grave expression, one Gintoki didn't have trouble imagining in the dark coziness under the covers.

"Are you up yet?"

Gintoki grunted in dismay, wishing her gone with the power of his mind.

Otose moved quietly. Her feet glided over the worn tatami mats and she raised the window blinders in one swift pull. Gintoki moaned pitifully at the screech.

"Go wash up and come downstairs. I'll prepare you something to eat."

Gintoki's reply was redundant so he said nothing. Otose quit his room without another word and he was left alone to sober up in peace, a courtesy much appreciated.

It took a long time for Gintoki's body to comply with the orders issued from his brain, but eventually he lost against the demands of his bladder and ran to the toilet in haste, hitting a couple of pointy surfaces on the way. Between groans, he pissed away, his aim terrible. Looking in the mirror proved another hurdle. Gintoki flushed the toilet with some measure of bliss and by the time he met his reflection it was too late. The embodiment of every single bad decision he had ever made stared back at him and not one detail escaped his quick judging eye, not the borrowed clothes with the stains of drink and vomit, nor the bloodshot eyes and dark circles underneath. He sent the toothbrush cup flying with one raging blow. Hot tears scalded his eyes in an unbearable mixture of feelings: anger, sadness, helplessness. They spiraled out of control to consume him in his broken, apathetic state, and he yielded to them in blind fury, desperate for release. Another fist rushed forward but he missed the mirror by an inch.

As he leaned over the sink, head cast down in shame, he saw Kagura's pink toothbrush laying there forsaken with its faded pattern of yellow kittens. The image was enough to dispel his self-pity. He took a deep breath and stepped back to face himself in the mirror, no words minced.

"Get your shit together, asshole."

After rinsing the cup and the toothbrushes, Gintoki decided to follow Otose's advice, barring from thought as many troublesome memories as he could. He took off his clothes and got in the shower, turning up the heat. Little voices hummed at the back of his mind stronger than his will, reminding him of Hijikata's shower, Hijikata's clothes, Hijikata's smell, the taste of his lips. Gintoki reached for the tap and with gritted teeth switched the temperature to a freezing cold, determined to see his shower to the end.

By the time he'd gotten to Otose's front door, he'd never felt so wretchedly sober before - a state he found nothing if not hellish. His head throbbed with pain after climbing down the stairs, the back of his throat itched, his eyes stung as he adjusted to the daylight, and different parts of his body ached from the bumps gathered on his rush to the toilet.

The world seemed to reflect his bitter state too. The sky lacked color. Not a speck of blue hung above. A mass of gray clouds had extended beyond the horizon, encapsulating the whole world in it. No cars or bikes drove by the street. Only the squawking of crows thwarted the eerie silence, and Sadaharu's occasional bark as he followed Tama around.

Gintoki took comfort in the absence of rain. He'd had enough of that.

Otose's front door was unlocked, awaiting him. He walked in mumbling, hoping his imperceptible words would be enough to announce his arrival. He made his way to the TV room where Otose usually took her meals. She had set the table for him. Gentle tinkering sounds came from the kitchen as she finished cooking. Gintoki stared at his chopsticks battling a strange duality of emotions. On the inside he bore the wretched misery of adulthood, and on the outside he blushed to hide the embarrassment of a seven year old.

Otose returned from the kitchen with a food tray and placed in front of Gintoki a generous bowl of rice, a small plate of tofu, a bowl of miso soup and a raw egg. Gintoki reached for the egg but Otose slapped his hand away before he could touch it.

"I'm not trusting you with it." she berated him.

Gintoki swallowed down a cheap comeback and watched her break the egg over his rice.

"You can eat now." Otose told him. She rose to go dump the egg shells in the trash and have a smoke by the front door.

Gintoki grimaced. Otose's smoking silhouette disclosed nothing. He ate his food in silence, unable to do anything but wait for the inevitable. He didn't try to recollect what had happened the previous night. At the moment his memory of it comprised of a stack of blurred images disconnected from time, as if his brain had picked them from separate random nights.

When he finished his soup, Otose took the seat across from him. Gintoki's meek words of gratitude got lost in the clatter of chopsticks as he set them on the table.

"At least you haven't lost your appetite. That's good." Otose commented. Her eyes fell on the empty food tray with satisfaction but quickly lost their lively creases once they skidded over to Gintoki's face.

"How bad was it?" he asked. In the current circumstances it wouldn't do to avoid the main subject.

"Pretty bad." Otose replied nonchalant "I'm glad Kagura was over at Tae's. It would have been terrible for her to see the state you were in."

Gintoki remained silent as she went on.

"Do you remember how you got home?" Otose gave little room for him to answer, but she knew what to make of his silence, "I suppose it doesn't surprise me. Still, it's been a while since you've done something like this," she reached for her cigarette case as she added, "Usually you manage to get home by your own two feet."

Gintoki's frown deepened as he imagined the debts he might have incurred on his journey home.

"How did I get here?" his voice came hoarse, unequipped to deal with the truth.

"You can wipe that sorry look off your face," Otose snapped. She tapped her cigarette forcefully and the ashes fell down on the tiny ashtray she'd brought with her. "First you're gonna hear everything I have to say."

"Then get on with it," Gintoki groaned "I could do with a drink."

Otose pierced him with a glare hard enough to reduce Sadaharu to a whimpering mouse.

"You know Gintoki, you can do whatever you want with your life. You're free to do that," she said calmly, eyes studying the space between them "But as long as you live in this apartment, as long as you keep coming late with your rent and stay dependent on my goodwill as you've done for the past eight years, I will have you accountable for your stupid actions. And you don't get to decide if I care or not," she paused to set her cigarette down and straighten her back. Gintoki faced the surface of the table, unable to look her in the eye.

"Now I'll tell you how you got here. Tsukuyo found you out on the street, drunk off your ass and yelling at people, harassing passersby. It seems you were kicked out of a few joints," she blew out a cloud of smoke to prevent a chuckle "Can't really condone that, I wouldn't want you in my bar either if it had been me."

"Not one of my finest moments then," Gintoki noted cringing "I had a really bad day yesterday."

"No, Mitsuba had a bad day. Her little brother had a bad day. You had a mediocre day."

"Yeah, I get it," Gintoki replied, shoulders slumped "I messed up."

"No, you did everything you could," Otose's harsh tone cleared with tenderness "You saved that girl, you-"

"This isn't about Mitsuba!" Gintoki's fist found the table in a sudden outburst. Otose didn't move an inch, "This isn't about her." Gintoki repeated. He was having a hard time making sense of his logic and perhaps it was the painful hyper-awareness of sobriety, perhaps something else that stopped his brain from wandering too far. Either way, Otose smiled.

"Oh?" the syllable rang clear in the ensuing silence and Gintoki's face fell on his hands as he realized the trap she had laid him.

"I didn't mean that."

"Of course you did," Otose said. She got up and took away his food tray, "I'm gonna make us some tea."

Gintoki took a sip as soon as Otose returned and placed a tea cup in front of him. He burned the tip of his tongue and spit out a curse just as fast.

"I told you it was hot." Otose rebuked.

The heavy atmosphere in the room had subsided. Otose's intermission after Gintoki's outburst seemed to have put his temper in check and things had started coming together imperceptibly, like the flick of Otose's lighter and the distant brushing sound of Tama's broom. However, a trace of tension lingered in the room which Gintoki was too sober not to be conscious of, and he knew Otose would pick up on it before he had a chance to come to terms with the reasons behind it.

"I shouldn't have to say this, but I have to because you're such an idiot," she began, "Remember when we had drinks in your apartment all those weeks ago? I feared something like this would happen. I tried to warn you, but now I see that even if I had, you wouldn't have listened. I guess we're both too stubborn."

Gintoki took another sip of tea.

"You always go look for trouble. You can't leave things alone, can you?"

"Oi, oi, I-"

"Are you going to deny it? You didn't go after it?"

"It's not that simple."

Otose blew a large puff of smoke in annoyance.

"I don't know why I bother with you."

Gintoki sighed and leaned back. He could always count on Otose to rub the truth in his face. Even without knowing all the facts she read him like an open book. He'd have laughed at their domestic little scene if she hadn't made such an ordeal out of it.

"Gintoki, listen to me," Otose's voice had taken another serious turn, "Listen to me if only this once. Think of Kagura, you have to think of her now. And think of yourself. Shouyou wanted better for you. You need to pick yourself up and stop hanging on to the past. It was a good thing what you did for Mitsuba, but you should think long and hard about keep getting involved. You're only going to get yourself hurt." she paused to look Gintoki in the eye but he gave nothing away, listening with a bored expression on his face.

"She has people who'll take care of her now."

"I got it."

"Gintoki-"

"Don't be a nuisance, I said I got it. It's over."

"I'm going to take your word for it. But if you're lying to me-"

"I ain't."

Gintoki moved to stand but his eye caught Otose's hand sliding something over the table.

"Have you seen the papers this week?" she asked.

"No. I'm only interested in news about what happens on the Grand Line."

Otose dismissed the joke with a click of her tongue.

"Take a look."

She opened the newspaper on a specific page and nudged it towards him. A small picture of the old dorm stood out to him right away and Gintoki had to suppress an urge not to double over and inspect the photo minutely.

" _Hata Corp Moves Forward With Construction Plans_ , what is this?"

"Doesn't matter, that's just the title," Otose said "Did you know about it? They are going to tear it down."

"Yeah." Gintoki replied dryly, ignoring the knot forming in his throat.

"Then I take it this little piece of news didn't factor in your drinking escapade."

"No." Gintoki had to suppress a snort after his lie. He couldn't think of a single innocent link in the chain of events that had led to his drinking spree the previous night. Hijikata had well reminded him of how the dorm had fucked him up for life. Asking Gintoki if the dorm's demolition affected him was irrelevant when the dorm's sole existence seemed to be the main reason why he drank at all. Yet Gintoki would concede that the demolition itself might be reason enough to invalidate his whole conversation with Otose and bring him back to square one, but he'd be dead before admitting it to her and breaking her heart.

"That reminds me, Madao came by earlier looking for you. Something about a job. You should go to him. Nothing better than work to take the mind out of the gutter."

"Sure, whatever. Did he say where?"

Otose's lips stretched again in a smile and she glanced at the paper.

"You're looking at it."

Gintoki groaned as he got up.

"Is that a joke?"

"No," Otose replied, looking at his back, "Don't forget to thank Tsukki. I didn't help her drag your ass up those stairs for nothing."

Gintoki waved her off.

"And pay me my damn rent, you ungrateful brat!"

* * *

Poor and without ambition, not to mention riddled with debts, Gintoki drove towards his ultimate destination. In the back of his mind, Otose's admonitions rang in a choir of voices that mingled with his own. For all the times Gintoki had avoided going back to the dorm, he couldn't help wondering how different things might have been if he'd gone there the day before to waddle in his misery like he'd wanted to do. That choice might have spared Mitsuba too. It might have spared him so much.

_Where were you?_

Gintoki sped forth, brushing distracting thoughts aside. Any memories of the previous night fueled him with anger. It seemed he was meant to go through the five stages of grief in a single day and not necessarily in order. He was pretty sure he was at Anger the moment he cut the last corner of the street and the dorm's roof came into view.

A plethora of construction materials and machines surrounded half the block. Gintoki parked in a narrow street nearby, locked his scooter and marched to the place in wide strides. Before he could even glimpse the front of the dorm, he met a group of restless men chattering in hushed voices. He gave his name to the construction assistant doing roll call, signed his work sheet and tucked it away. When he caught sight of Hasegawa's trademark sunglasses among the crowd he called him over.

"Oi! What's going on?"

"Gin-san! You got my tip, uh?" Hasegawa's raspy voice sounded cheerful as it always did when he had any hopes of making quick cash. Gintoki would have joined the sentiment if he wasn't so eager to grab a hammer and apply it to the nearest surface with blunt force.

"Why are we all out here?"

"The supervisor told us to wait while they are doing final security checks. Some big shots stopped by too so we're stuck here waiting. No rush though. It seems the company got half the block around here, so the old boarding house is just the start. Hear it's gonna take a week."

"Are they paying us on the side again?"

"Yeah. They're worse than the government these guys." Hasegawa said, exhaling a puff of smoke. He had terrible taste for cigarettes too.

" _Waste Management Team_ is what they wrote on my sheet."

"Sounds about right for trash like us." Gintoki pointed out, remembering the same words printed on his work sheet.

"Oi, oi, Gin-san, isn't that too harsh?"

"Is it? You're a homeless old man whose wife kicked him out. I am a loser who can't stop gambling and drinking my money away. These are the kind of shit jobs we get."

"Don't be so negative. They told us we could keep some of the trash. One time I heard you say the tatamis here were pretty good."

"Everything good ends eventually, didn't anybody ever tell you that, Madao?"

Gintoki's surly mood had one great fallout. It dissuaded people from speaking to him at length, so he was able to fully concentrate on his 'waste management skills' as soon as the supervisor called them in. He was a short man with a square face and a ringing voice.

"Gather up, men! The safety assessment is finished. You'll be doing the dismantlement of salvageable components now. Do it right and you get a nice clean paycheck by the end of the week. We start at this old boarding house then proceed to the houses on my left. The trash gets piled on the back, the goods on the front so we can move them fast. Now, let's get to work!"

Gintoki barely had time to register sensible thoughts. More than a dozen strange men roaming about the dorm transformed it into an impersonal and unrecognizable place. Loud noises and crashes interrupted his train of thought every two seconds. Shouts came from everywhere, _Have you got that front door off yet?_ , _Get me those cabinets!_ , _Where do we pile all these mats, chief?_ They weren't striping the place bare, they were breaking its skeleton apart. Gintoki's stomach turned at the thought.

He took a box of tools to the upper floor and had to yell at a man who was already pulling the wood from the stair steps.

When he got to his old room a couple of men were already ripping the tatami mats off the floor and another was working on detaching the air conditioner installed over the window. A late addition Gintoki noted.

"You brought the tools, Gin-san?"

"Yeah, I got them."

Gintoki placed the box of tools on the floor and helped one fellow carry off two tatami mats.

"A shame these don't fit through the window. Gonna have to carry them all the way downstairs."

"And they're not worth a damn either." Gintoki huffed. He glanced at the tatami mats under his arm, not knowing whether they warranted a goodbye or not after so many years. But as expected, there were marks on them, stains that had never washed with time, even a-

Gintoki paused.

"Have you been smoking in there?" he asked as they lumbered down the stairs "You know, these things burn, right?"

The fella holding the other end answered with a shrug.

"I ain't smoked in there."

"There's an ash stain right here, you idiot. Think I can't see it?" Gintoki hissed, nudging at a dark patch on the mat.

"Cool it, pal. It was there before, maybe one of them big shots done put it there while they went around touring the place. How should I know?"

Gintoki opened his mouth to retaliate, thirsting for a fight, but his mind was keen on playing tricks on him,

 _Where the fuck were you?_ _You weren't_ there.

"Shit."

He lost his grip on the last step and got yelled at for his clumsiness.

"Watch it!"

"Sorry, my bad." he mumbled.

Gintoki helped the other man drag the tatami mats outside before taking a small break. He mumbled something about a bad hangover and promised to return in a minute, not really minding what he said. A weight pressed against his rib-cage, stealing his focus. Suddenly the idea of coming to help tear the dorm down felt terrible. Not even the thought of money comforted him. Gintoki's feet led him to the backyard where dislodged parts of his old home already began to pile up in a heap.

His brain fed him Hijikata's questions in a loop, burning hard to fill the gaps Gintoki had tried in vain to fill with mindless drinking.

Hijikata had come back to the dorm. He had come for a last visit and had waited for Gintoki to come too. _He didn't know shit about Mitsuba! It was all about_ -

"Gintoki?"

That voice was so out of place and time Gintoki didn't believe it was actually there. He ignored its call, desperate to be left alone so he could reach some sort of conclusion, but the voice persisted.

"Gintoki," Takasugi sneered, "I should've expected. Of course you're here."

Gintoki set his eyes on him impatiently. He didn't think there had ever been a time when Takasugi had opened his mouth and bullshit hadn't come out, even when they were little. In all honesty, Gintoki didn't find many differences between the kid and the adult versions of Takasugi. His bad personality, greasy hair and pale angular features remained the standout points throughout the many years they'd known each other. Whether he wore a suit or a school uniform, it didn't matter. He also had terrible timing and Gintoki felt nothing if not frustration in his presence.

"Been years since we've seen each other." Takasugi observed.

"Clearly not long enough." Gintoki muttered.

Takasugi examined him in silence. His gaze unnerving.

"Aren't you done with your tour of the place? There's work to be done here." Gintoki said.

"Yes. We finished surveying the construction area. I was about to leave but then I saw you," Takasugi paused, eyes narrowing, "I mean, you here..." he let the words unfurl "It's interesting. _You_ helping to tear it down. Do you think Sensei would approve?"

"You tell me," Gintoki spat "You're the one who lapped up everything he said like a dog."

The smirk vanished from Takasugi's lips and two creases appeared between his brows.

"I'm not as sentimental as you. This is business to me."

Gintoki shrugged.

"Right now it's business to me too and you're in the way."

"I thought this place meant something to you," Takasugi dug his hands into the pockets of his trousers in resignation, "And Zura too. He's always fussing about you, but he doesn't know the first thing, does he?"

The words bit into him but Gintoki persevered with the best poker face he could muster.

"I'm glad to finally be rid of it," Takasugi went on, "It's not as if I'm making it my mission to erase everything Sensei left behind, but making this place go away... it helps. Like he's finally going away too."

"You're wrong."

"I know, Gintoki. We'll never be free," Takasugi's bangs shielded his eyes and Gintoki didn't try to meet them, "But I can't bear to see you happy, never could. Guess I'm just a bit disappointed."

"Good, 'cause I don't need this crumbling matchbox to remind me of him," Gintoki said, sticking a thumb in the dorm's direction, "And I don't need you here pissing me off, so go back to wherever the hell you came from and let a man work."

Gintoki turned around, deeming the conversation over but Takasugi surprised him with a soft chuckle.

"You really have no idea what this place means, do you?"

"Nobody fucking cares!"

"Goodbye, Gintoki. I'll tell Zura you said hi."

"Good riddance!"

"Don't forget to wipe your eyes before you go back in."

Gintoki flipped him off and walked away, determined to get his hands on a hammer.

* * *

Hijikata glanced at his wristwatch. He saw the hands move and just as they marked two-thirty Tetsunosuke's voice over the intercom announced the arrival of Commissioner Matsudaira and another guest. Never let it be said the old man wasn't punctual. Hijikata gave his office a quick once over, too tired and morose to do anything about its current chaotic state. He'd been functioning on automatic since he had woken up that morning, eager to fill his mind with work.

He pressed the intercom button and replied.

"Take them to the meeting room, I'll meet them there."

Tetsunosuke answered back instantly with a stutter.

"B-but the C-Comissioner i-is already going your way, sir!"

Hijikata tapped off the intercom and put out his cigarette at once, dunking it in the astray.

"Shit!"

He managed to clear the two seats by his desk and straighten his tie before Matsudaira walked in, loud steps and no knocking.

"Yo, Hijikata." the booming voice greeted him in its usual suave fashion.

Hijikata saluted, shoulders squared.

"Sir!"

"How are ya'?" the question was informal but crisp, mirroring the man, and Hijikata noticed Matsudaira's eyes checking his office behind his usual black shades.

"Fine, sir. Busy, sir." Hijikata replied.

"Good," Matsudaira nodded, "I know we have our scheduled meeting to get to but I brought someone with me. He's interested in poking around the station's records. Give him a hand, will ya?"

Matsudaira stepped aside and a tall, lean man entered Hijikata's office. He had grayish hair slicked back and wore a pair of rimless glasses which flattered the hard lines of his face.

"Sasaki Isaburo." the man said with a slight nod.

"Hijikata Toshiro, Chief Inspector."

"Isaburo here is from the Bureau." Matsudaira said.

"Criminal Affairs Bureau." Sasaki joined.

"They're building a big scale fraud case and apparently it has led them to this ward. He wants to take a look at the criminal records stored here."

"Of course," Hijikata nodded, his eyes met Sasaki's, "I'll have Tetsunosuke show you the way."

He rang his assistant and soon enough the short, diligent Tetsunosuke showed up and guided Sasaki to the station's archive. Hijikata watched them go in silence, curious about the Bureau's interest in any criminal activity in his part of town. Matsudaira's observations called him back.

"What a mess, Toshi.," Matsudaira said, dropping all formality now they were alone "I told you the executive climb was hell." he surveyed the office with a sigh while reaching for his cigarette case. He took one cigarette out and offered it to Hijikata who accepted it gladly.

"I had rough night." Hijikata replied.

"A rough night?" Matsudaira's mouth split into a grin as he held a cigarette between his teeth "What kind of rough?"

Hijikata blew out a puff of smoke to hide the pink blush on his cheeks.

"The bad kind, obviously. I don't have time for anything else."

Matsudaira shrugged aloud.

"You're a bore, Toshi. That's why the women want nothing with you. You choose paperwork over fieldwork, work over drinks. You're too serious."

Hijikata nodded numbly. He walked over to his desk and picked up the folders for their briefing.

"You could be half way to Superintend by now," Matsudaira said, "But you'd have to get married soon. Marriage always speeds the way up, you know? Look at me. I was no one before that damned arranged marriage meeting. I was lucky, she was prettier in person than she was in the picture, and then I got hitched and had my beautiful Kuriko-"

"Didn't your wife leave you over that hostess rumor?" Hijikata wondered impassively.

"Slander! Lies and slander! Don't you believe it, Toshi. What, can't a man have a bit a fun, now? You just follow my advice. Marriage always speeds things up."

Hijikata stood by the door of his office and waited for Matsudaira to step out.

"I'd rather take my time. After you, sir."

 

Isaburo returned from the archives shortly after the end of their briefing. Hijikata and Matsudaira were engaged in small talk by the briefing room door, unaware of the covert glances other police officers stole their way. Everyone in the station knew the Comissioner's briefings entailed, among clearance rates and case talk, discussions with the Chief about the status of the workforce. It didn't help that the old man had a reputation in the prefecture for sudden adjustments in department policies and procedures. Fortunately, Hijikata was headstrong enough to keep his superior in check.

"Oi, Isaburo, you took your time," Matsudaira teased "I'm going back to headquarters, you coming?"

"Yes, sir. You didn't have to wait for me."

"Well, I was trying to convince Toshi to change a few things around here, but he's hard to persuade," he huffed pleased "I could do with someone like you at the main branch. Ever thought of Assistant Comissioner?"

The question took Hijikata unawares. Regardless of salary or rank, he couldn't say with honesty he wished to work more closely under Matsudaira, cleaning up his blunders on a daily basis and listening to his never ending prattle. The man himself, however, spared him a real answer by addressing Isaburo again.

"Did you find anything useful?"

"Actually, yes. I asked the assistant officer to send me copies of the documents," Isaburo said. He turned towards Hijikata with a blank look on his face, derision simmering beneath his words "I hope I'm not overstepping."

"Not at all." Hijikata said shrewdly.

"Off we go then. I want to call my daughter on the way." Matsudaira declared.

"Indeed, sir? Have you tried texting? My daughter seems to be more receptive to texts. I text her every hour."

"Good thinking, Isaburo! You're on to something..."

The two men left the station raving about their daughters. Hijikata ordered the officers to carry on as they were and returned to his office straight away, Tetsunosuke at his heel.

"Tetsunosuke, send me a list of every document Sasaki Isbauro consulted and mark the ones he wants copied."

"B-but h-he told me to get him those copies today. I-"

"I'm your superior, you do what I tell you." Hijikata demanded angrily.

"Yes, sir!"

"Have Kamiyama help you. Tell him I said so."

"Yes, sir! Excuse me, sir."

Tetsunosuke ran off to the archives and Hijikata was left alone to ponder Isaburo's investigation. What was it Matsudaira had said? _A big scale fraud case_. Hijikata knew the local petty crimes by heart. He read and signed reports every day, reviewed patrols, made sure his subordinates cleared every case. Yet, the Criminal Affairs Bureau had found a chink in his armor. It was enraging to say the least.

Hijikata lit a cigarette and began shuffling the chaos of paperwork on his desk. Maybe he could pick up a thread somewhere before Tetsunosuke was back with that list. Hijikata unearthed the local newspaper from under a pile of reports and set it in front of him when his cellphone rang.

He recognized Kondo's number and picked up, ready to dismiss a long chat.

"Hello, Kondo-san. I'm a bit busy right now. Could you call me later?"

Hijikata's eyes followed the titles above every article as he flipped the newspaper pages.

"The hospital? What happened?"

Two words from Kondo and he read no more.


	14. Emergencies Only

Three days passed in a sound routine of work at the site and listless rest at home. Dump trucks moved in and out of the neighborhood, carrying salvaged goods and trash from the houses being pulled down. The dorm had been stripped to its bare bones and, in a few more days, those too would be ground to dust. Gintoki found his 'waste management job' almost therapeutic. Otose had been right. There was nothing quite like work to get one's head out of the gutter. Nevertheless, the stench clung to him and he was soon thrown back in it.

The work day had finished under a sky heavy with clouds. The murky weather had kept on and was believed to last until the end of week. Gintoki didn't mind. He worked better without a scorching sun over his head trying to fry his brain.

As he revved his scooter and drove home, a little drizzle began to pour over the town, light and almost invisible. The kind he'd have to tell Kagura not play under just because she liked the feel of it on her skin. Her enthusiasm didn't encompass the concept of a cold. Gintoki was the one who had to deal with those.

Light shone out of a couple of windows in the neighborhood. Sadaharu lifted his head from where it rested above his paws to send Gintoki an inscrutable look. Gintoki locked his scooter with a shrug. He went up the stairs to his apartment wondering whether that look might have meant a challenge or a warning. He didn't want to overthink it, especially since he was in a serious need of a nap. But once he passed Otose's door unnoticed, it was clear there could be little in Sadaharu's look other than the dog's usual defiance.

Gintoki's front door was unlocked, signaling the kids were home. He walked in and leaned against the wall as he took off his shoes. He had a narrow line of sight into the living room and his eye caught a glimpse of Kagura's favorite show airing on the TV. That certainly explained Sadaharu's mood.

"Ah! It's Gin-chan!"

Gintoki walked in and froze. Kagura's voice seemed to have come from another realm. Beside her on the couch sat Hijikata, the real one with the suit and the tie and the dark expensive jacket. Hair mussed just right. Every detail required to give Gintoki a heart attack.

"Welcome back." Kagura said.

"I'm home." Gintoki replied in a whisper. Perplexity impeded his speech. He felt like an intruder in his own house. He stood without moving, doubting his sanity. Was he the only one seeing Hijikata there sitting on the couch? Was he really hallucinating this time? Gintoki glanced back at his front door to check the number and turned again towards the room. His gaze shifted from Kagura to Hijikata as if the two couldn't inhabit the same plane of existence. Seconds of scrutiny went by like hours until Kagura's plate of food detained Gintoki's attention a second too long. A dozen apple slices arranged in a perfect circle.

"Did you peal those?" the question left his mouth in a high pitched tone. Kagura snickered at it but Gintoki was too flabbergasted to even remember the definition of embarrassing.

He got his answer before he could catch Hijikata's eye. Shinpachi's head popped out of the kitchen with a frown.

"No, _I_ did! I pealed and cut them, Gin-san! What have you been doing? Did you work late? I called you four times!"

Gintoki groped his back pocket in search of his phone but a big arm found its way around his shoulders and Kondo's cheerful voice resonated by his side.

"Oi, Yorozuya! How are ya'?" he shook him slightly and pointed a thumb outside "Came to get some things for Mitsuba. Sougo's in there packing a bag. We've just arrived from the hospital. Kagura was hungry and wanted to watch her show so Shinpachi let us in. He wanted to go see Mitsuba too, so I thought of rounding everybody up. You were working and Tae-chan was too busy to come so-"

"She didn't want to go with you again." Shinpachi bristled.

"Well, she thought it was best to stay at the dojo so I took Shinpachi and Kagura and then I called Toshi- oh!" he stopped there abruptly, giving way to a different thought which he then whispered by Gintoki's ear "Oh yeah, don't worry about that favor I asked you the other day. I should've known better with that rain. Don't worry about it, it's all sorted. I told him. Hope you didn't catch a cold or anything!"

"What favor?" it took every ounce of Gintoki's deadpan humor and self-preservation to answer Kondo in Hijikata's presence. Without knowing how the two had solved their miscommunication problem Gintoki was at a loss. Kondo laughed.

"Oh! Didn't I tell you he was a good guy, Toshi? C'mon Gintoki, I can take a joke!"

Gintoki's brain was nearing a volcanic eruption and watching Hijikata slip from view as Kondo chattered away filled him with panic. He wasn't completely sure everybody shared his vision of Hijikata in his house. The fact had trouble sinking in and until Gintoki heard his voice he wouldn't be able to believe it. Not after what had happened between them.

"Gin-chan, here, eat."

He sat down beside Kagura and she fed him two apple slices which he chewed in a haze. His senses numbed at the warmth of the seat. He barely listened as Kondo recounted their visit to the hospital and shared hopeful news of Mitsuba's condition. Fortunately Shinpachi left the kitchen after brewing them a pot of tea and joined the conversation making up for Gintoki's unusual silence. Sougo's appearance, however, gave him the perfect opportunity to retreat.

"Take my seat, I gotta go take a leak."

"No, Gin-chan! Don't betray me!" Kagura cried out.

Gintoki left Kondo and Shinpachi to deal with the warring duo and stalked out, heartbeat rising with every step. Hijikata's back greeted him outside, his figure leaning against the railing in a cruel, familiar fashion. Gintoki had lost count to the times Hijikata had made him jump in time.

His heart tightened with anticipation. He couldn't help but find their roles reversed since they had last seen each other.

"I can't believe you actually came here." Gintoki said. He approached the railing and looked down at the small backyard Sadaharu prowled on sunnier days.

He was glad Hijikata hadn't recoiled from him, but one look at his face told Gintoki things were far from good. Even though the memory of their kiss wouldn't stop flashing inside his head, Gintoki flung it aside and began his probing, tip-toeing around the sensitive matter.

"How was she?"

Hijikata's answer took its time. His pale, hard expression kept too much locked inside. Gintoki wondered if the subject wasn't part of a conversation Hijikata would rather have with Kondo. He pressed on before deciding to reproach himself.

"Did you see her?"

"Yeah."

"Is she awake yet?"

"Sometimes. Never for long," he talked in short phrases "Sougo talked to her a little. They're keeping her sedated."

Gintoki nodded.

"Were the kids too loud?"

Hijikata frowned, confused.

"I meant Kagura and-"

"No, they were fine."

Gintoki breathed in. He put his hand out to feel the soft drizzle. Its spray tickled his skin. The smoke from Hijikata's cigarette mingled with the curtain of gentle rain. A million words yearned to break out. Gintoki went for it.

"The other night-"

"I told Kondo I didn't see you."

Hijikata's quick response was a punch in the gut. So much for tip-toeing around things. Gintoki pulled back his hand from under the rain and clutched the railing, keen to hide his fluster.

"That takes care of things, I guess." he muttered.

"It was all a big misunderstanding." Hijikata said, shoulders hunched. Gintoki sneered.

"Which part?"

His question brought Hijikata's eyes to him. They were red, from exhaustion or crying Gintoki didn't know. He wouldn't picture any of it either. Small flames stirred up in his stomach and Gintoki began losing patience with his own mild polite approach that got him nothing. Sensibility be damned.

"What kind of question is that?" Hijikata asked, eyes narrowing.

"I'm just trying to understand why you're here?"

"Stop answering my questions with more questions."

"No," Gintoki stood his ground, struggling to keep his voice low and level "I've had enough of misunderstandings. That night I went to your place to tell you about Mitsuba just like Kondo asked me to. We know how well that turned out," he said, averting his eyes "So, let's not repeat the same mistake. Today you went to the hospital with the rest of them to see Mitsuba. You could have left right after but instead you're here. Makes me wonder who is really playing games."

When he looked to the side, Hijikata was facing forward again, cigarette burning at his mouth. Gintoki half-expected a furious outburst and was ready to retort in equal measure but Hijikata simply shrugged his shoulders and spoke in a grim voice. Head cast down.

"After Kondo told me what happened I felt like shit. I had to come."

Gintoki paused surprised. His heartbeat rose. He drew up his shoulder to hide a smile.

"Old enough to admit when you're wrong then?"

"Do you have a problem with that?" Hijikata shot back defensive.

"Not at all."

 _I just wish_... _what?_ Gintoki lost himself in his thoughts. He heard giggles in the background and barely heard Hijikata's next sentence.

"I'm also here to thank you for what you did for her."

"Will people stop saying that?" Gintoki moaned. Hijikata probably wasn't the best person to complain to, but since they were in the mood for honesty the words just tumbled out, easing the weight on his mind.

"I only did what anyone else would have done." Gintoki put plainly.

"But it was you who did it," Hijikata's eyes met his, intense and impossibly clear in that dismal afternoon, "She would have done the same for you."

Hijikata said it with enough restrain to mask his silly, absolutely devoted conviction in Mitsuba. Any part of Gintoki that still resented him for the mess of the other night melted completely. He sighed.

"She would, wouldn't she?"

Hijikata hummed.

"What did she want with you?"

The giggling voice returned again and Gintoki looked down and saw a little kid running around in the backyard, mouth open at the sky. Sadaharu followed him concerned, leaving paw tracks on muddy patches.

Shouting ensued downstairs. Gintoki didn't recognize Otose's voice, but if the ruckus continued it soon would be her turn. Hijikata looked over his shoulder and Gintoki turned around at the sound of angry feet climbing the stairs. Tsukuyo came into view, blond hair tied up and lips pursed. She held a closed umbrella in one hand and rushed towards the railing.

"Seita, you better get out of that rain right now!" she yelled at the boy running about, "Come inside say hello. Don't make me come down there to get you! I won't tell you again."

Seita shouted a very convincing lie in return. Sadaharu barked.

"Interesting display of motherly affection." Gintoki commented.

Tsukuyo rolled her eyes and shrugged, fixing her hair.

"I'm not the one whose kids have to look after me." she shot back.

"Debatable-"

"No, it's not debatable!" Tsukuyo rebuked, crossing her arms, "Why do you think I've come? You didn't even call. Nothing new of course. But I haven't seen you since I brought your drunk ass home the other night and Otose-san was very-"

"Oi, oi, oi," Gintoki panicked and his hand found Hijikata's shoulder, bringing him forward, hoping to find a way to stop Tsukuyo from unraveling the whole story to the last person on Earth Gintoki thought should hear it "Let me introduce you to my friend here!"

Tsukuyo blushed slightly at Hijikata's sudden introduction, too conscious of her previous boisterous manner not to feel embarrassed before a stranger.

"Hello, please excuse my behavior before. I didn't see you."

Hijikata returned her short bow.

"It's no problem."

An awkward silence followed during which Gintoki realized how weird it was that Hijikata and Tsukuyo should meet each other by his front door. The before and after of the events of his disastrous night out. Funny but despicable. The unsettling notion must have reached Hijikata too because Gintoki sensed his distress. Hijikata's brows furrowed imperceptibly and his back straightened.

Tsukuyo talked first.

"Did I interrupt something? I can come back later."

Gintoki and Hijikata rushed to answer but Hijikata's voice prevailed.

"No, I was just going. I've finished my smoke." he said.

He excused himself and went back inside to join the others. Gintoki watched him go, unease prickling at the back of his neck.

"Friend?" Tsukuyo wondered. Her eyes followed Gintoki's as Hijikata got out of hearing reach. "Your friends don't dress like that. What are you up to this time?"

"Nothing. I got home and the guests were already here. Not my fault." he said.

"Your excuses are dirt cheap as always."

"What do you want?" Gintoki asked, eager to join the party inside.

"I came to see if you're alright," Tsukuyo's expression softened, "You weren't a fun drunk, you know? Kinda depressing actually. You should hear the things you were screaming at people. A woman threatened to call the police."

Gintoki had to suppress a laugh. The irony was irresistible.

"This is no laughing matter. I cleaned you up and put you to bed. Otose-san saw it all, she was very upset."

"I know, I got an earful." Gintoki grumbled.

"As you should, you stupid man," Tsukuyo uncrossed her arms and leaned over the railing to check on Seita. He was petting Sadaharu's belly under the steel roof tile that covered Otose's old washing tank.

"I should get going." she said.

"Already?"

"I just picked Seita from his friend's house. Hinowa is waiting for us."

"You can stay if you want." Gintoki said, though he doubted he could fit more people inside his tiny apartment. Tsukuyo appreciated the offer but declined.

"No, I don't want to intrude on your guests. I'm glad you are in one piece."

Gintoki hummed a noncommittal reply and got the pointy end of Tsukuyo's umbrella thrust in his face, an inch from his nose.

"Now, don't you think of going out for a drink in the next three hundred years. I don't ever want to carry your ass home again and I definitely don't want to drive that waste-barrel of a scooter ever again."

"Noted." Gintoki uttered, placing one foot behind him.

"Good," Tsukuyo nodded with a contented sigh and lowered her impromptu weapon."There was something you said that night, you repeated it a few times. I thought it was weird. I even- well, it made me wonder..." she paused unsure "Are you seeing someone?"

Gintoki lost his grip on the railing. He could swear the rain had made his hands sweaty.

"No. Why, what was it?"

"Probably nothing. Doesn't make much sense now that I think about it." Tsukuyo said shaking her head.

Gintoki saw the chance to cancel her whole train of thought and took it.

"Good. I'm better off not knowing any way."

" _Would be hers..._ " Tsukuyo mumbled "I wonder what you were thinking about."

"No idea. They've been airing those tear jerk dramas again." Gintoki said dismissively.

"I see."

"Thanks for helping me out."

"You do little to deserve it."

"I know."

Tsukuyo adjusted the strap on her shoulder and Gintoki noticed she was carrying Seita's school bag.

"I'll bring something for Kagura-chan next time."

She bade him goodbye and went down the stairs to fetch Seita. Gintoki waved back at them, half slouched on the railing with a mind to let himself go over. A passing fancy. The fall would only break one or two of his bones, an outcome which clearly wasn't enough to end his embarrassment.

He heard footsteps behind him and Hijikata's name was already on his lips when Kondo appeared at the door, Hijikata at his heels and Shinpachi in the back stuck between Sougo and Kagura who argued endlessly.

"It's getting late Gintoki, we're leaving. Thanks for having us."

"You basically let yourselves in. It's not like I had any choice." Gintoki pointed out.

"Stop being rude, Gin-san. I let them in!" Shinpachi interjected "Besides, Kondo-san gave us those apples. Fruit is expensive, you know?"

"Oh, did he?"

"One of my students got them actually," Kondo said "They were for Mitsuba but the nurse said we couldn't bring her any food yet. Well, I'll call you if there's any news." He patted Gintoki on the shoulder and called Sougo to follow him. Kagura stuck out her tongue at them.

"See ya tomorrow, Shinpachi! Kagura-chan!"

They disappeared behind the corner to the stairs and Gintoki watched as Hijikata trailed after them without a word of goodbye. Their short conversation came back to him as if they had never been interrupted and a knot twisted in his gut. He clenched a fist in frustration, bound to silence in Shinpachi and Kagura's presence. What could he say to Hijikata right then that he wouldn't have to explain to the kids later? Nothing but worthless formalities. Besides, he already struggled with the disappointment of everything left unsaid. He followed Shinpachi and Kagura inside, making a mental list of all the things he hadn't told Hijikata. He hadn't even mentioned the dorm or how he'd been helping tear it down.

Kagura returned to her spot on the couch and Shinpachi proceeded to clear the snacks from the table. Gintoki helped him for the sake of motion and when they were done he sat down again by Kagura with a groan.

"Gin-chan, you smell like wet dog. We can't have you competing with Sadaharu." she said.

"She's right, Gin-san. You should go take a shower."

Gintoki didn't try to sniff his shirt, he knew they were right.

"I will in a minute," Gintoki grumbled "Just let me take a quick nap."

"No! You stink! Go away."

"Please go, Gin-san. I can't concentrate with the smell." Shinpachi begged. He had brought his homework with him and set it on the table.

"You're the only ones complaining!"

Gintoki submitted to their request and had a quick shower before settling down for good. When he returned Shinpachi was helping Kagura with her homework.

"So, what is it today? Math?" Gintoki teased in his flat tone. He reached for the TV remote in a catlike stretch and held it in his hands like a trophy, feeling all powerful. Kagura glared at him.

"Shut up, Gin-chan! You don't even know the difference between adding and multiplying." she spat, tightening the grip on her pencil.

"C'mon, Kagura-chan. Don't listen to him. Focus."

While Kagura finished her math exercise, Shinpachi got up and brought Gintoki a paper bag. He placed it on his lap and sat back down again.

"Hijikata-san said to give it to you."

Gintoki fought back a couching fit and straightened up on his seat.

"H-he did?"

He looked inside the bag but before his brain could process the contents Kagura spoiled him in a vengeful streak.

"It's your clothes, Gin-chan. I checked."

Gintoki opened his mouth to retaliate, to save his reputation, whatever was left of it, but Shinpachi's curiosity worked faster.

"Why did he have your clothes?"

"Yeah, Gin-chan," Kagura put down her pencil and crossed her arms over her homework with a devilish smile on her face "Why did Toshi have your undies?"

"Oioioi, Kagura, why don't you stick your nose back in your math problems? Those kinds of questions are for adults only," Gintoki said smugly, trying to pass it for a joke "Besides, this is not what you're thinking at all! I just forgot my dirty clothes at the bath house the other day and Madao must have left them at the dojo. Then Tae gave them to Yamazaki to give to Kondo to give to Toshi to give to me. Simple as that."

"Are you serious? That doesn't sound simple at all!" Shinpachi cried out.

"That sounds like bullcrap." Kagura agreed.

"Are you saying it took five people to get your clothes back to you?"

"I'm glad you're so good at math, Shinpachi-kun. You stay on that and let _me_ worry about the complexities of reality. Now shush, I'm gonna watch my drama."

"I always said Gin-chan's eyes weren't the only thing fishy about him." Kagura confessed tragically.

Her whining faded to a murmur along with Shinpachi's innocent observations. Gintoki tried to shut them out and concentrate on his drama, but he gave in to exhaustion and succumbed to sleep; a restless slumber, plagued with dreams. Lying beside him and wrapped in bloodstained sheets, Tsukuyo repeated his drunken words back to him while he grasped desperately for clothes. A gust of cold wind swept by and Hijikata burst in, snatching away the paper bag with his clothes and leaving him naked. Gintoki ran after him, shouting curses at his back, but he never caught him. Instead he found himself in a hospital room, two feet away from a bed. In it lay a comatose body. A mask pumping oxygen partly hid the person's face, yet recognition dawned on him easily. Shouyou's eyes opened and his lips moved in sync to Otose's voice, _You're going to get yourself hurt_.

Gintoki woke with a gasp.

The room was darker. Shinpachi had dimmed the lights before leaving, turning most of them off except a small lamp in the corner. It was the only thing illuminating the room other than the TV. Gintoki rubbed his eyes and shifted, noticing Kagura snoring at his side. They were both sprawled on the sofa, sharing a meager blanket.

"Hey, Kagura," he called her softly, nudging her with his elbow "Kagura."

Kagura grumbled.

"Did you finish your homework?"

"Hm."

Gintoki's eyes veered towards the table where she'd sat with Shinpachi. Her pencil case lay on top of her notebook. A pair of shiny plastic cherries dangled from the zipper pull. They reminded him of the apple slices they'd eaten earlier that evening.

"What did you think of Hijikata?" the question sprung without a thought.

Kagura burrowed her head against his arm to wake herself up.

"Toshi?" she wondered. Kondo's nickname had stuck with her, supplanting all others. "He has V-shaped bangs and he stinks of tobacco."

"I know, but those are facts," Gintoki said "What did you think of him?"

Kagura went silent for a moment, mulling over the question rather than her simple answer.

"I think he is sad and lonely,"

Gintoki nodded.

"Yeah? I think so too."

* * *

Hijikata flicked the lights on and took off his shoes, grunting with pent-up frustration. If he had ever thought he was losing control of his life before, there was no sentence to describe the way he perceived his life now. His roll of poor, brash choices snared him like a trap and receiving Mitsuba's dreadful news three days before had done nothing if not send him further down his personal chaotic spiral.

He took off his jacket and went straight for the fridge to quench his fury with a beer. He resented getting home late after being cajoled into joining Kondo and Sougo for dinner. He'd never been very good at denying Kondo's invitations but now it was like he was starved of them and there was no offer he could say no to. Enraging as that thought was, Hijikata wondered if it explained his gall to show up at Gintoki's house along with the rest of the group. He hadn't been sure of his reasons at the time, he'd prayed for Gintoki not to show up at all, but then everything had happened too fast and now Hijikata was back home, revising everything he had said, regretting his half-assed apology and wishing he could stop thinking about it. He could still see Gintoki poised with his hand in the rain, voice soft and eyes full of pity.

Hijikata looked across the kitchen table to the small pile of reports he'd brought home to review. He picked them up and skimmed a few pages before dropping them again. For the past few days only duty had got him through paperwork. He had taken Mitsuba's news hard, unable to recognize the fact he was powerless to help her. Nothing had been able to hold his attention for long. The work he so desperately held onto to keep sane had become a bore. It seemed no boxes remained unchecked in his path to self-hatred. And yet, after seeing her and hearing promising news, nothing had changed.

He was stuck rereading the same line, meaning evading him, when his cellphone rang. His watch marked half past ten but time had no bearing on his current frame of mind. It might have been two in the morning for all he cared. He took the call without a second glance. It wouldn't be the first nor the last time a subordinate called him from the station at ungodly hours with some outlandish story.

"Yes, what is it?"

"Hello? Is this the police? I want to report a crime. I've been a victim of secondhand smoking. Strangers broke into my house today and threatened my health. This neighborhood is getting seriously rotten, oi. What do we taxpayers pay you for? I want to file a complaint."

Hijikata almost dropped his cellphone. Words caught in his throat and his heart started pumping madly.

"Oi, are you listening to me? I'm paying for this call! I'm gonna file a double complaint. Send me a double complain form. My address is-"

"There are no double complain forms, you idiot!" Hijikata cried out. He massaged his neck, half-recovered from shock and felt his heartbeat regaining a steady rhythm. "Did you even read what I wrote?"

"What was that, Mr. Officer? Do you mean this little card mixed in with my clothes that says _Emergencies Only_ and has a number on it? I thought I _was_ reporting an emergency."

"I knew I was gonna regret that." Hijikata mumbled to himself.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing," he groaned, "Why are you calling me? I don't have time for this, I'm-"

"Working." Gintoki finished his line "You're predictable like that, aren't you, Hijikata-kun?"

"Shut up."

Hijikata bit his lip and went in search of his cigarette pack with his free hand.

"It's not easy to light a cigarette when you're on the phone, is it?"

"You're really starting to piss me off now!" Hijikata warned.

"Think you can scare me over the phone, douchebag?"

"Don't fucking make me."

"Oooh, is this Takashi-san? Is it? Am I going to receive a strange voice message from my future self screaming in terror? Ah, Takashi-san have pity on me..."

Hijikata's frustrated attempts at finding his cigarette pack led him to the front door where his jacket hung in the coat rack. He rummaged the pockets of his jacket while Gintoki rambled on the other end of the line.

"... and yeah, I know you can barely cook yourself dinner, much less peal apples and cut them cutely like that, so I really thought I was in some alternate reality for a second. I mean, the last time something like that happened to me was when I worked at the video rental store and this girl that looked exactly like Ketsuno Ana walked in. She rented a bunch of S&M porn DVDs and took the only available copy of _My Neighbor Pedoro_ without batting an eyelid. It really made me think, I mean, does she watch Pedoro before or after she gets off with-"

"I don't care!" Hijikata exclaimed.

"Oi, Hijikata-kun you really know how to hurt a fella. Here I am calling you to thank you for washing my clothes and returning them to me and you don't even wanna hear it."

Hijikata stopped his rummaging. His fingers clutched the cigarette pack inside the inner pocket of his jacket.

"You don't have to thank me. It's not like I was gonna keep them."

He held his breath until Gintoki replied. In the darkness of the hall, the voice and its body seemed to materialize right next to him.

"Why not? I've kept your things before."

Gintoki's voice had lost its playful pitch. Hijikata shut his eyes to stop memories from swarming, but he saw more than he wished to.

"Can I keep these too?"

A shiver ran up Hijikata's spine. The image of the clothes he had left for Gintoki on his bathroom stool appeared in his mind. He hated how well he could recall them in the dark.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

Gintoki didn't care to answer him. He changed topic without explanation, brushing his question aside.

"I went to the dorm today," he said "Well, what's left of it anyway. I've been helping those guys out. I needed work and they needed a hand."

Hijikata furrowed his brow, battling disbelief.

"You what?"

"Most of it has come down, you see," Gintoki continued in the same flat tone "They are gonna bulldoze the rest of it tomorrow. I noticed you went there. How was it?"

"Stop."

"How did it feel coming back?"

Hijikata gripped his cigarette pack harder. His back was against the wall and he slipped down to the floor silently. He didn't know what thought to convey first. His emotions bubbled to the surface and threatened to ruin everything again. Being on the phone, however, granted him enough distance to hold his temper.

"You want to know?"

"Yeah, tell me."

"I didn't feel anything," Hijikata said. Although he had tried to bury the rampage of feelings he'd succumbed to after their kiss, he summoned them back again to fuel his cold detached reply "It was just an abandoned building. Gave me the creeps actually."

"But you went there." Gintoki's voice gave nothing away, not that Hijikata thought it would.

"I was curious."

"About what?"

"I don't know, it was just nostalgia I guess. What's with all these damn questions?"

"Were you waiting for me?"

Hijikata let out a chuckle to mask an incoming whimper.

"Don't make me laugh!"

"Hijikata."

Hijikata stilled. He wouldn't take much more without lashing out, but Gintoki shifted gears on him again. Prompt and swift, obnoxiously considering.

"Kagura told me you stink. You should quit smoking."

"Mind your own business!"

"Sure. Just don't come to my house unannounced again."

Gintoki hung up and Hijikata tossed his phone aside. He took a deep breath and stayed put against the wall, chest swollen with feeling. The cigarettes inside his pack were crushed to pieces. When he finally rose, he walked back to the kitchen table and cast a glance at the reports he had planned to review before going to bed.

"Fuck this."

He decided to call it an early night.

 

 

The next morning Tetsunosuke stood by his desk with a new pile of copies and a cold sweat. Since Sasaki had started calling the station every day with more and more requests, running the station's archive at his discretion under the Commissioner's wing, Hijikata had had no other choice but to follow the Bureau's investigation closely. As close as humanly possible, which entailed having Tetsunosuke double-copying every sheet of paper that got sent out to Sasaki's office.

"Here are the copies of the last documents Sasaki-san requested. Where should I put them, sir?"

Hijikata cleared a patch of his cluttered desk and gestured towards it.

"Leave them here."

"Will you need anything else, sir?"

"No. Did you send the flowers?"

"Yes, sir. We send them every day. They even gave us a discount this time."

"Whatever. Just make sure they get there."

"Yes, sir. I'll go check with the hospital right now."

Hijikata nodded and as soon as Tetsunosuke turned his back he dove back into work. He went over the case reports he'd ditched the previous night, signing here and there, checking no paragraph was too vague or needlessly subjective; then he reviewed patrol routes and the new budget proposals sent by HR personnel at headquarters to be discussed during their next meeting.

Lunch hour had gone by when Hijikata finished his routine work, but he gave hunger no notice. He always worked faster when there were things he wanted to forget. He reached for Sasaki's copies with grabby hands, eager to examine each page meticulously. Mitsuba's soft smile emerged in his mind. He found himself smiling along. With her everything was so easy, even the thought of her. She was a steady stream that held him together and cheered him on. The total opposite of Gintoki who came like a storm, swept him up, and tore his world apart again and again and-

A recurring name drew Hijikata's attention to the papers in front of him. He flipped a few pages, eyes going up and down lists of employees of various subsidiary companies. It couldn't be. He opened a drawer and brought out his card file. He quickly found the one he was looking for. It had been given to him quite recently.

_Itou Kamotarou, Fund Consultant._

On the other end of his desk old newspapers stacked up high. Hijikata browsed through the latest batch and stopped paralyzed as suspicion gave way to fact. Headlines were filled with news of a Hata Corp moving with haste in the business world. Local newspapers spoke of Hata Corp's plan to build a new business center in the 'long degraded and neglected part of town' which would revitalize the area and bring profit to commerce and residents alike. The typical cackle. Other newspapers called out the company's sudden rise and questioned its fast acquisition of property in the area. Hijikata only had to put two and two together.

He called Tetsunosuke on the intercom and his assistant came running.

"Yes, sir! How can I help?"

When he arrived Hijikata was brushing off a chunk of cigarette ash that had fallen on his shirt.

"Tetsu, I need you to get all the information you can about this place," Hijikata grabbed the newspaper with the picture of the dorm and shoved it Tetsunosuke's way.

"W-what's this, sir?" Tetsunosuke fumbled with the messy pages until he could take a proper look at the picture in question "An old boarding house, sir?"

"Find me deeds, leases, mortgages, contracts, purchase agreements, anything."

"Yes, sir!"

"And keep quiet about this."

"Yes, sir."

Hijikata saw him leave and lit another cigarette. Choosing the next course of action would be no easy feat. Time was against him and one thing seemed to be irremediably sure. There was no saving the dorm.


	15. A Time For Friends

After half an hour under the hot midday sun Gintoki was pretty sure coming to the park had been a huge mistake. Even beneath the trees, safe under their cool shadow, the sultry weather was hard to bear. Sweat ran down Gintoki's frazzled curls and watching Kagura run about the park playing with the other kids was exhausting, never the mind the lecture Zura was spewing beside him sat very straight on the bench.

“You've convinced yourself this is about the dorm and Sensei, but you're wrong. You won't solve anything by keeping the same mindset you had ten years ago, Gintoki.”

Gintoki rolled his eyes for the hundredth time that afternoon and slouched further down the bench, head so thrown back his neck would soon crack.

“What the hell does that even mean?”

“It means you need to look at things from a different perspective. A more mature one.”

The weather made it impossible for Gintoki to scoff.

“Is this your way of telling me to grow up? You can fuck right off, Zura.”

“That mindset is exactly what I'm talking about. At least you're aware of it. I think we're getting somewhere-”

“I'm getting my ass back home in a minute if you carry on like this.”

“Avoiding the subject is your usual tactic. I'm not surprised.”

Gintoki gasped dramatically but didn't deign himself to answer. He heard Katsura sigh before he spoke again, softer.

“You know, Gintoki, it's not like you've actually told me anything. I can't help you if you're always so vague.”

“I thought you were good at interpreting things.”

“That's only because you give me room for little else.”

“I didn't even ask you for help, stop reading into things. Don't you get tired from reading all the time? Trapped in your little nerd cave?”

“You're the one who called me here.”

“You're the one who said you'd take Kagura to the park.”

“And you came with her.” Katsura added flatly.

“If it's any consolation to you I regret that decision wholeheartedly.” Gintoki replied while pulling at his collar, helpless against the heat.

“But since we're both here we may as well talk.” Katsura said, lifting two thumbs up at Kagura who had just done five cartwheels in a row and kicked three kids in the process.

“So, did seeing Takasugi change anything?”

Gintoki rubbed his eyes in frustration.

“It has been a while since you two saw each other. If you ask me, I don't think he was very impressed-”

“Neither was I!” Gintoki burst out in self-defense “He's still the same stuck up asshole he always was, what difference could he possibly make? I couldn't care less.”

“He told me you seemed off.”

“Oh, did he get that with his acute asshole-senses? He was there to gloat and piss me off.”

Katsura opened his mouth to rebuke but Gintoki's crude insight gave him pause.

“Well, you're not wrong there.”

“When am I ever wrong, Zura? I'm the one who's not impressed actually! Weren't you the one bragging you could always read him like an open book? Takasugi isn't that hard to figure out.” Gintoki noted, honesty and contempt mixed together.

“I'm just saying he seemed worried.” Katsura insisted.

“About the dorm?” Gintoki let out a chuckle “Don't make me laugh, he's cashing in by pulling it down.”

“I meant about you.”

The mood dropped to an icy silence during which Gintoki remained frozen in his uncomfortable position, spread out on the bench, trying to make sense of Zura's words.

“That's unlikely. I think the heat is getting to you, Zura. It's either that or all those hours stuck in the office jerking to dusty pages of-”

“Can you please take things seriously for once?”

“How can I, when you're sounding completely insane?” Gintoki replied, “Besides, getting _him_ worried about me is like a new low in my life I don't I can handle.”

“You two are impossible.”

“Tell that to the moron still mourning twelve years later.” Gintoki snorted.

“So this _is_ about Sensei?” Katsura exclaimed turning sideways to look Gintoki in the eye.

Gintoki shrugged his shoulders.

“To him it probably is, I don't know. Don't really care.”

“Yes, you've said that,” Katsura nodded frustrated, but keeping his calm demeanor. His eyes narrowed as he grasped onto whatever it was he had caught in Gintoki's wavering tone, “Then what is it with you if not Sensei?”

Gintoki raised an eyebrow and their eyes met briefly before he turned away again.

“Nothing.” he brushed off.

“How's Hijikata?”

Gintoki's better nature, though morally compromised, acted quick and he frowned deeply as if the question was a personal affront. It was.

“Who?”

“You said you were going to see him again.”

“Not in this life!” Gintoki cried out.

Katsura was patient.

“So, has he quit smoking?”

“What?” Gintoki's slouch disappeared, he sat upright with his arms crossed, eyes following Kagura but scrunched up at Zura's unrelenting nonsense, “Why would he? Why would you even- What kind of question is that?”

“Just a normal question,” Katsura deadpanned. Gintoki turned to face him with a grimace and found Katsura holding back a smile, “But enough to make you twitch in this heat.”

The weather was too hot to bring a blush to an innocent maiden, yet it didn't stop Gintoki from articulating his jaw in silent outrage and humiliating embarrassment.

“I knew I would get it out of you,” Katsura declared with a satisfied nod, “Although I have to admit it's boring and predictable.”

“I thought Takasugi was supposed to be the asshole, oi!”

“Last time I met you, you were already unraveling because of him, so it's not really news, is it?”

“What do you mean unraveling? I was fine! I am fine!”

“Perfectly.” Katsura replied in an unique display of sarcasm.

Neither spoke for the next few minutes. Katsura indulged Kagura from a distance, cheering her on and giving Gintoki some space. A few people walked by, kids giggling and families enjoying the afternoon out. A chilling wind followed them, bringing with it a lighter atmosphere and some room to breathe.

“I don't know what to do. Ever since he came back, I don't know what to do,” Gintoki said “Some things... if you say them out loud they become true.”

“And that scares you?”

“No. It's just troublesome.”

Katsura hummed.

“You're not wrong.”

* * *

Hijikata had chosen a small table at the back of the restaurant. He and Kondo had dined there a few times before, so his friend had no trouble finding the place once he was done with his last evening practice.

The trail of smoke gave Hijikata right away. Kondo walked towards their table as soon as he entered and he sat down with a huff, taking in Hijikata's antsy state and the four cigarette stubs already chucked in the disposable ashtray.

“Sorry I'm late. I tried to convince Sougo to come but he brushed me off. Said he could take care of himself.” Kondo's eyes crinkled with the semblance of a smile.

Hijikata hummed a mute reply. He recognized Kondo's naive interpretation of Sougo's lies. It was clear the kid didn't want to see him but the fact he was back to voicing out his selfish juvenile thoughts was a positive, indicating some return to normalcy in their inner circle.

“That's good.” Hijikata nodded and signaled the waiter.

“Yeah, he's been feeling a lot better. He's almost back to himself.” Kondo replied.

“Did he see her today?”

“Of course. When doesn't he?” Kondo scoffed “He goes to the hospital every day after school. Sometimes I take him, sometimes he's already there and I go pick him up.”

“How is she doing?” Hijikata asked, throat tightening.

“Good. She's doing better. But Toshi...” Kondo paused to capture Hijikata's attention, dark eyes searching blue ones “Flowers only get you so far.”

“I've been busy,” Hijikata replied “Something has come up at work and I-”

“Toshi, you're a cop,” Kondo sighed and leaned back on his chair “Something will always come up. Doesn't mean you shouldn't make an effort.”

Hijikata fell back into silence. Kondo's eagerness about Mitsuba unsettled him. He took a long drag on his cigarette in reluctant agreement.

“The doctors are really optimistic,” Kondo carried on, “They're probably going to discharge her soon and Mitsuba-” he stopped again mid-sentence, this time with a serious look on his face.

“What?” Hijikata asked.

“You should go see her. She should be the one to tell you. She wants to talk to you.”

Hijikata's neck stiffened and he exhaled a puff of smoke to the side.

“About what?” the question left his lips dryly, too defensive.

“About her plans. You know, this illness has changed things for her. It  _will_  change things. Stop by and see her, she will tell you all about it.”

The waiter came to take their orders and the talk of food ended the subject of Mitsuba and Mitsuba's secrets much to Hijikata's sake. His mind was too restless to give her the attention she deserved. No definitive answers would come out of him at the moment.

Once the waiter left with their orders, Kondo talked at length about his day. He shared funny stories about his students and the usual infatuated remarks about the eternal unreachable object of his affections, Shimura Tae. Hijikata listened patiently while he ate his dinner, mostly with a serious face, though his focus often escaped him and turned inward to his own thoughts and the reason why he had asked Kondo out to dinner in the first place, which was a rare occasion of itself.

Food gone, Hijikata ordered a bottle of sake and lit another cigarette. He waited for the waiter to come back with the bottle, poured Kondo a cup and another for himself and then went straight to business.

“I saw Itou the other day,” he began.

“Oh, that's nice! How was he?”

“The same as I remembered him.” Hijikata replied with a grunt.

His tone made Kondo laugh and Hijikata smiled a little in return.

“Same as ever, uh?”

“He mentioned that business with the dorm.” Hijikata said.

“Yeah and a good one too,” Kondo nodded “I heard he made a ton of money off it and now they're gonna build some really impressive complex there.”

Hijikata took a sip of his sake. He wondered how blind Kondo had to be not to question how Itou had made any money with a building as old and rotting as the dorm, regardless of any small improvements he had put together. The whole area had been too cheap.

“I've been meaning to ask you,” Hijikata put down his cigarette, heartbeat rising “How did you end up running that place all those years ago? I don't think you ever told me the whole story.”

“It's a sad story, I guess that's why.” Kondo answered with a bleak grin.

“What happened?”

“Well, it goes all the way back to the start, to when I first came here. To Tokyo I mean,” Kondo leaned his elbows on the table and his gaze got hazy as his mind reached back into the past “I was piss poor at the time. I first stayed with a couple of friends, well- not really friends. Just friends of friends, people I barely knew. They all kicked me out after a while 'cause I gave them nothing but trouble!” he exclaimed with a laugh “But back then I only cared about kendo and training! Can't really blame 'em!”

“That hasn't changed much.” Hijikata snorted.

“I know! I know, don't do me like this, Toshi!” Kondo chuckled, “As I said, back then I cared about nothing but kendo and doing things my way. When the last guy I was staying with kicked me out, I started sleeping at the dojo in secret. I needed a place to sleep, ya know? But one of the older students caught me not long after and blabbed off to the master so I was kicked out again. No place, no dojo. I almost quit my dream of the big city. I began to seriously consider going back home. Called my family an' all, packed my bag. Then, the day I was all set to go, making my way to the train station I got lost and found the Shimura dojo. That's when I saw Tae-san and fell for her at first sight!” he stopped to catch his breath and stretch his back, eyes closed while reliving the happy moment of his life.

Hijikata nodded meekly and waited before Kondo continued, “Finding the Shimura dojo really changed my life. That's where I met Yorozuya too. He must have been fourteen or fifteen years old, I'm not sure, he was a real piece of work! At the time I still didn't have a place to stay and he caught me dozing off in the tool shed one night. He blackmailed me for two weeks, the bastard. Had me doing him dumb favors like finishing his chores and buying him sweets, but it didn't last long! Are you laughing, Toshi? You think he was funny, do ya? I was worried sick! I had just fallen in love with the most beautiful and charming girl on Earth and this kid was ruining everything for me. The thought that Sensei would find out and kick me gave me stomach aches, but when he finally did he didn't expel me. Instead he invited me for a chat, served me a cup of tea and told me there was a place I could stay at for free. I couldn't believe it. All I had to do was take care of it and watch out for the tenants.”

“He got you a job as a landlord?”

“Yeah. That's how I moved into the dorm. I know Sensei was just being kind by letting me stay for free, but he didn't let me pay him back even when I started making some money of my own. He said it would be alright as long as I took care of it.”

“He was the original owner of the dorm?” Hijikata asked.

“He was. He got very sick about a year later. I went to visit him a few times at the hospital. The last time I saw him he told me to keep taking care of the dorm and...” the nostalgic smile disappeared from Kondo's face, only to come back with his next sentence “I guess this is where it gets sad.”

Hijikata had his eyes fixated on him, egging him on.

“You probably know this better than I do.”

Hijikata frowned slightly at the stray remark but didn't interrupt.

“His exact words to me were:  _Take care of the dorm and don't let Gintoki get too lonely, he's the only family I have left_.”

"His father." Hijikata's whisper didn't reach Kondo's ears.

“He died a few days later.”

“What about the dorm?” Hijikata wondered. He dodged emotion swiftly, mind bent on his mission.

The prompt question jerked Kondo and he brushed the glisten from his eye with a casual hand stroke. 

“I took care of it,” Kondo said. He cleared his throat and grasped the sake cup which Hijikata had proceeded to fill once more. “Gintoki was in bits. He disappeared for a while. His friends got worried, me included. I guess he couldn't deal with it. Besides, there was all the legal stuff to sort out. He was still too young to-”

“Manage the dorm?” Hijikata offered. He sat on the edge of his seat.

“Yeah, but we sorted it all out in the end. Most stuff was supposed to be temporary any way.”

Kondo gulped down another cup of sake while Hijikata kept his eyes fastened on him, taking in every word, measuring every clue that might fit his theory. His fists were clenched in concentration while his cigarette burned forgotten in the astray leaving a perfect trail of embers.

“When you say it was temporary, do you mean temporary because Gintoki was underage?”

Kondo's rosy cheeks evinced he had surpassed his alcohol threshold for the night.

“Yeah yeah, that's right.”

Hijikata tried hard not to smack himself in the head.

“And you knew this when you sold the property to Itou?” Hijikata's exasperation slipped through the cracks in his voice, yet Kondo was no longer sober enough to notice.

“I did,” Kondo answered with a pause “Didn't even cross my mind.”

Hijikata poured himself a cup and drank it in one go.

“Not gonna lie, Kondo-san, this is bad. It sounds bad.” Hijikata declared.

“What do you mean?” Kondo's gullible expression was almost childlike.

Hijikata sighed before snatching Kondo's sake cup away from him. He needed Kondo to realize how serious the problem was.

“Kondo-san, if I'm right, and I'm not speaking as a friend right now, I'm speaking as a cop,” Hijikata emphasized “You may be in trouble. Itou too, but him I already suspected.” he muttered the last part under his breath, unable to hide his disdain.

“What trouble, Toshi? It was all legal,” Kondo exclaimed “The business was legal, all legal, I tell you. Itou told me about the expiration dates, it was clean. Gintoki wasn't even around then, he never was. Never wanted anything to do with the dorm, not after you moved out. Even before, it was always a place in between for him. The place where you end up when you have no family to take you in, no one left, you know this, you understand!”

Hijikata's grip tightened on the cup between his fingers. A blaze of emotion swirled up in his chest and he reached for his cigarette.

“Should I get a lawyer or something?” Kondo's sobriety returned with a healthy dose of panic.

Hijikata took a last drag on his cigarette before putting it out.

“You should think about it, you and a lot of people.”

“What's going on, Toshi?” Kondo's tone changed as he finally caught onto Hijikata's motives for the friendly dinner. “Does this have anything to do with all that new construction work going on in the old neighborhood?”

Hijikata nodded his head.

“I can't tell you much right now 'cause there's an investigation going on. But don't worry, I'll do everything I can to help.”

Kondo stood silent a while, looking at the empty sake cups between them.

“Thanks, Toshi.”

  
Outside the restaurant a warm wind ruffled Hijikata's hair. He lit another cigarette while waiting for Kondo, who had excused himself to the bathroom after begging Hijikata to let him pay the bill.

Hijikata watched the passersby in a haze, mind numbly reviewing the evening's conversation and gauging how much he would be able to act on his own conjectures.

By the time Kondo had returned from his timely run to the toilet, however, one sentence in particular seemed to nag at him.

“Up for another drink?” Kondo proposed in mock challenge, though he looked like he needed it.

“Maybe another time. I'm tired and still have to go over some papers.”

“It's alright, Toshi. I was just messing with ya!” Kondo laughed and patted his back “Just don't forget what I told you about Mitsuba. Please go see her, it's important.”

“Yeah, I will.”

“See ya soon then!”

“Wait, Kondo-san, just one more thing.”

Kondo turned around, already on his way down the street.

“What you said about me already knowing everything? About the dorm and-”

“Sensei?”

“Yeah. What made you think that?”

“I thought Yorozuya had told you.”

“Gintoki?” the name felt heavy on Hijikata's tongue, the nearest street lamp flickered above him “Why?”

“Cause you were his best friend, right?”

* * *

 

The drab watches wrapped around the wrists of the beat business men crowded at the bar clocked close to nine o'clock. The place was packed. Dim lit, small, boasting one counter and less than five tables, yet it was homey and the drinks intoxicating. Gintoki squeezed himself into a seat at the counter ready to make the most of his hard earned paycheck. He didn't have a splurge in mind after the cracking he'd gotten for his last one, but some celebration had to be in order after a week of hard work and an afternoon of baking body and brains under the unforgiving sun. Moreover, being exponentially sober during that conversation with Zura had done him no favors.

A drink and two glasses later, things seemed to be improving.

“Heey! Look who it iis!” Sakamoto's cheery voice exploded by Gintoki's ear and he cursed the old man who had left the seat next to his to give way to the loudmouth.

“Oi, Gintoki! Didn't expect to find you here! Let me buy you a drink.”

“I already have one.” Gintoki replied sourly. Something in him wanted to lash out.

“Haha! Good one!” Sakamoto cackled, finger pointing towards Gintoki's empty glass, “Get us two more of these, will ya?” he asked the bartender.

“Hey, are you by any chance still interested in selling that ol' scooter of yours? 'Cause I just met this guy who-”

“I was never interested in selling it.”

“Really? Well, what about the brake pads? Aren't they rusty? I know it sounds weird but I know a guy-”

“They're fine. I just got the scooter back from Gengai, Tatsuma.”

"Alright, alright, just trying to make you some quick cash! Let a friend help a friend, oi!"

"I'm fine, I got some cash of my own at the moment." Gintoki said with a bit of pride, holding up his glass.

"That's great! Oi, bartender! My friend here is loaded tonight, next round is on him!"

The bartender nodded silently and Gintoki spluttered his drink in shock. 

"You bastard! What do you think I am? Bank of Japan? That next drink is gonna be two glasses of water, old man!" Gintoki yelled, but the order didn't reach the ears of the bartender who was too busy dealing with another rowdy group of customers.

"So, how did it come about? Was it you who did that job on the host club? I thought I could cash in on that."

"No. I was pulling down the old place."

Sakamoto turned his head and looked over his sunglasses surprised.

"The dorm?"

Gintoki nodded.

"Sensei's?"

"Not his anymore, not for a long time now."

Sakamoto thanked the bartender for bringing him his drink and took a sip. His laid back disposition had faded and he paused for a few seconds before speaking again, as if to choose his words. The unusual behavior spooked Gintoki.

"What? What's that ugly frown for?"

"Are you going back there?" Sakamoto asked, a hint of worry in his eyes "They paid you under the table for a week's work, right?"

"Yeah, the usual. We pulled everything down, but they're probably gonna have another call for the rest of the construction work after tomorrow."

Sakamoto didn't meet his eyes. He stared hard at the counter pondering over whatever it was he had trouble sharing. His miserable concerned looks didn't bode well with Gintoki's sour mood which he had tried to lift by coming to the bar and have a drink.

"Are you gonna stop that or do I have to punch you in the face? I already did this whole thing with Zura today, I just wanna have a few drinks now. I'll even go with you to the Snack Smile if it'll make you stop."

The complaint caught Sakamoto's attention. His blue eyes appeared again from behind his glasses, brown curly bangs framing them.

"It's not what you think," Sakamoto said "There's some rumors going around about those new development plans for the dorm neighborhood. Watch yourself, Gintoki. You should steer clear of it. Journalists are already sniffing about and you know who usually follows."

Gintoki looked nonplussed, waiting for the next clue to drop.

"Your personal favorites," Tatsuma added with a foxy smile, "Cops."


End file.
